He went to treatment today...
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 5
He went to treatment today...
Hi everyone,
I've been lurking and reading for a while quietly and want you all to know how much strength I have gotten from you all.
My husband entered treatment today. It has been a long slow battle against opiates. He had a HUGE problem about 10 years ago, got himself together but since then it has just been a slow losing battle. I am proud that he finally decided he needed help, this is the first time he has sought treatment.
We have three kids, an 8yo girl and 6&5 yo boys. This is so hard...but in the end I pray it will all be worth it and he will be able to be a healthy, happy part of our family. He is an amazing dad, and a damned good husband...he just needs to figure out how to be happy in his own skin. Not happy because of me, or the kids, or pills...but just happy looking in the mirror.
If The Lord requires a broken heart and contrite spirit...he has it from me.
I've been lurking and reading for a while quietly and want you all to know how much strength I have gotten from you all.
My husband entered treatment today. It has been a long slow battle against opiates. He had a HUGE problem about 10 years ago, got himself together but since then it has just been a slow losing battle. I am proud that he finally decided he needed help, this is the first time he has sought treatment.
We have three kids, an 8yo girl and 6&5 yo boys. This is so hard...but in the end I pray it will all be worth it and he will be able to be a healthy, happy part of our family. He is an amazing dad, and a damned good husband...he just needs to figure out how to be happy in his own skin. Not happy because of me, or the kids, or pills...but just happy looking in the mirror.
If The Lord requires a broken heart and contrite spirit...he has it from me.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: In a good place
Posts: 4,482
It will be worth it for all of you, if you and your husband take full advantage of this time and opportunity. I know you can't focus 100% attention on yourself with children to care for, but please take as much time as possible. If your husband is in a 12 step rehab please consider a 12 step program for yourself and or a therapist. There's much for both of you to work through and you'll both always need your own support systems.
Best wishes to you and your family
Best wishes to you and your family
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 13,560
Only he can decide if he will recover or not. No matter what happens, you and your children deserve to be as happy and healthy as possible. I hope you are able to seek out some support during this time. Do you attend Naranon or Celebrate Recovery or anything of that nature? If not you may look into it, they can be of huge support to you. Celebrate Recovery is something that will most likely also have age programs for your children also.
I will pray for all of you. God Bless!
I will pray for all of you. God Bless!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 5
Thanks ladies.
Luckily there is an al-anon meeting during my sons preschool hours in the same Church! I will start there.
I am trying to be kind to myself. I am an RN, it's my natural tendency and my job to take care of others..but I'm working on it.
Thankfully this has been a slow, downward process instead of a crisis out of the middle of nowhere. He was a "self-recovered" addict when I began dating him. I watched, as a good friend of his before dating, as he blew his life right up his nose in the form of OxyContin. Finally he cleaned up, left his user girl and really has done a decent job for no treatment.
But lately the demons are getting stronger and he just can't control them as easily as he once could. He finally figured out that there was never going to be a "convenient" time for rehab, it was never going to be a simple fix.
I guess I say thankfully...but to some people I guess it would be worse to have it this way...instead of a big blow out and all sorts of drama. I understand his recovery is his own...he seemed sort of peaceful about it before he went in this morning after a really emotional night last night.
I need advice on answering the kids questions though. Because he is a "functional" user it is not obvious that he is sick or has a problem. I just don't know how to explain this to kids that age. Also my 8yo daughter is really my step, his daughter with his ex-gf who he used with. Her mother is in jail and has been for 3 years on drug charges and I don't want to scare her, and have her think she has no parents left (even though she calls me mommy, and sees me as her mother). This is all very exhausting.
Luckily there is an al-anon meeting during my sons preschool hours in the same Church! I will start there.
I am trying to be kind to myself. I am an RN, it's my natural tendency and my job to take care of others..but I'm working on it.
Thankfully this has been a slow, downward process instead of a crisis out of the middle of nowhere. He was a "self-recovered" addict when I began dating him. I watched, as a good friend of his before dating, as he blew his life right up his nose in the form of OxyContin. Finally he cleaned up, left his user girl and really has done a decent job for no treatment.
But lately the demons are getting stronger and he just can't control them as easily as he once could. He finally figured out that there was never going to be a "convenient" time for rehab, it was never going to be a simple fix.
I guess I say thankfully...but to some people I guess it would be worse to have it this way...instead of a big blow out and all sorts of drama. I understand his recovery is his own...he seemed sort of peaceful about it before he went in this morning after a really emotional night last night.
I need advice on answering the kids questions though. Because he is a "functional" user it is not obvious that he is sick or has a problem. I just don't know how to explain this to kids that age. Also my 8yo daughter is really my step, his daughter with his ex-gf who he used with. Her mother is in jail and has been for 3 years on drug charges and I don't want to scare her, and have her think she has no parents left (even though she calls me mommy, and sees me as her mother). This is all very exhausting.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: The Jungle
Posts: 5,435
I am glad to hear that he is seeking treatment and that he came to the conclusion and is at peace with it.
Take care of you. You, your dear husband, and sweet children will be in my prayers.
gentle hugs
ke
Take care of you. You, your dear husband, and sweet children will be in my prayers.
gentle hugs
ke
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: TX
Posts: 731
Welcome! Glad that he's come to his own conclusion to get help.
Good for you in wanting to attend a support group-you will need it and it's helpful like SR in a different way!
Keep on reaching out...it's surprising how beneficial it can be...
Good for you in wanting to attend a support group-you will need it and it's helpful like SR in a different way!
Keep on reaching out...it's surprising how beneficial it can be...
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: West Midlands
Posts: 135
wow.. your experience is really inspirational! thank you for sharing your "story". I think it is great to see how you want to work in partnership with your husband and how you are looking after you and your children ... i have a very soft spot for any stepparent who takes on their steps as their own, so kudos to you for that!!
And i think it is great that you are so aware of your dd's needs and are preempting any possible problems and how to best protect her from hurt. Would the treatment facility be able to give you advice? Or maybe your pastor (as you mention you belong to a church, sorry if yours is a Father, chaplain or minister or any of the other titles.. please forgive my ignorance i do not attend church).
I am "lucky" in that i have a child psychologist who is working with my 3 due to the extreme DV from a previous marriage to fall back on for things like this, she has been a great resource to me, so maybe your doctor may be another place to try for help with your dd? Or even her paediatrician?
Personally, i would keep it as simple as possible.. along the lines of "dad had to go to hospital for treatment, but he will be home soon" i would wait for the question and then just give as honest, but as child appropriate an answer as possible.
Good luck and do make some time for YOU... YOU are important too (im learning that one at the moment.. that IM important too)
ETA: I found this article to be very good when i explained to my three what was happening with AH http://www.huffingtonpost.com/david-...b_2589947.html
And i think it is great that you are so aware of your dd's needs and are preempting any possible problems and how to best protect her from hurt. Would the treatment facility be able to give you advice? Or maybe your pastor (as you mention you belong to a church, sorry if yours is a Father, chaplain or minister or any of the other titles.. please forgive my ignorance i do not attend church).
I am "lucky" in that i have a child psychologist who is working with my 3 due to the extreme DV from a previous marriage to fall back on for things like this, she has been a great resource to me, so maybe your doctor may be another place to try for help with your dd? Or even her paediatrician?
Personally, i would keep it as simple as possible.. along the lines of "dad had to go to hospital for treatment, but he will be home soon" i would wait for the question and then just give as honest, but as child appropriate an answer as possible.
Good luck and do make some time for YOU... YOU are important too (im learning that one at the moment.. that IM important too)
ETA: I found this article to be very good when i explained to my three what was happening with AH http://www.huffingtonpost.com/david-...b_2589947.html
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 5
LH: I am actually very lucky that my best childhood friend is now a family counselor! She has been ridiculously helpful to me.
I hesitate to say he is going to the "hospital because he is sick" for a couple reasons.
1: they will want to go visit.
2: they will worry that even though I don't look sick I may be sick too.
3: I don't want them to worry anymore about him then they will already.
I think it's going to be more of a "daddy is going to a special school to learn how to be really healthy in his body and his mind"
That way I can practice meditation and things like that to them, and they will feel like they are involved and it will help them understand what he is learning. Also, they remember me being TOTALLY unavailable, even though I was home, during nursing school so it may not seem as odd to them! Nursing school was the worst!
I hesitate to say he is going to the "hospital because he is sick" for a couple reasons.
1: they will want to go visit.
2: they will worry that even though I don't look sick I may be sick too.
3: I don't want them to worry anymore about him then they will already.
I think it's going to be more of a "daddy is going to a special school to learn how to be really healthy in his body and his mind"
That way I can practice meditation and things like that to them, and they will feel like they are involved and it will help them understand what he is learning. Also, they remember me being TOTALLY unavailable, even though I was home, during nursing school so it may not seem as odd to them! Nursing school was the worst!
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