My RA/sister has DX of BPD

Old 03-29-2014, 06:36 PM
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My RA/sister has DX of BPD

I have recently been told by Dr that RA/sister also has borderline personality disorder. I have found a forum that helps me to understand the inscrutable behaviors related to that.

Now I am thinking one.freaking more thing.to deal with.
But that is today. Tomorrow is a new day.
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Old 03-29-2014, 06:43 PM
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Have you considered helping her find a new to place to live?
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Old 03-29-2014, 07:33 PM
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I am now. The thing is I am still hopeful that perhaps life may be able to be peaceful at least once I know how to communicate with RA/sis. I dunno. Feel such a moral obligation
to keep her off the street and active in AA. With BPD she will likely go back out on the streets. She is unable to handle money, and will not be able to mature emotionally. I was told this before, but with no reason as to why. She got caught up with sexual predators a few times in her 30s. Now 5'1" 100 lbs... No real ability to care for herself more than a young teenager.. how do I live with that?
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Old 03-31-2014, 02:06 AM
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You are in a tough situation.

Is she on disability? Can you set up a trust to manage her money for her? Are there any group homes in your area that she could live in?

It seems like she needs more emotional support than you are capable of providing for her. And that caring for her yourself is detrimental to your health.
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Old 03-31-2014, 05:55 AM
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Firefall, it is very kind of you to let her stay there and try to help her, but maybe draw the line at how willing she is to help herself.

She is probably qualified for disability income, is she willing to talk to them about that? And willing to pay something for staying with you?

Is she willing to find counseling to help her with her BPD and addiction issues?

There is help out there for her, you don't have to carry the load alone. Because of how she is, perhaps take the initiative and find the resources and then discuss them with her. She doesn't sound like she is capable of doing that for herself, so helping her a little on this might lead her to a better life.

My prayers go out for both of you, it is very hard to watch anyone we love suffer.

Hugs
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Old 03-31-2014, 07:59 AM
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Originally Posted by Ann View Post
Firefall, it is very kind of you to let her stay there and try to help her, but maybe draw the line at how willing she is to help herself
Hi Firefall, I agree with Ann. Although your sister isn't very promising raw material I'm sure she's capable of doing something to ease your burden. You can train a toddler, or a reticent teenager with enough tough love and patience, and even though your sister has a condition of BPD she understands enough about self-interest to find her way to you.
Does the diagnosis qualify her for benefits that could help you, or even come to you directly as carer?
I'm glad you've got some indication of what's wrong with her, and hopefully how you can get through to her.
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Old 04-01-2014, 08:41 PM
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I am working on getting the doctors to release her dx to her. BPD typically have substance abuse issues, self medicating, extreme trust issues. They i realize people one moment, and loathe them the next. They can go into severe depression or a range depending base on personality type because you ask if they turned a light off.

BPD require emotional caretakers in order to function at some level of normalcy.

She is on disability, but her jobs were all low pay so disability is low. I am going to look into substance and alcohol addiction support resources in our state.

Sorry I have been so slow to respond. Have been reading and going non stop last several days.

Just to be clear.. not all A and AA are also BPD, but almost all BPDs have substance issues

Thank you all for hanging in with me.... I am so blessed to have found such amazing people here.

Firefall is feeling very mushy. Much mushy for SR friends
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Old 04-01-2014, 08:42 PM
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Realize = idealize
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Old 04-01-2014, 08:53 PM
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Actually my 12 year old grandniece found me on Facebook. Her mom told her two weeks before she died "go find my aunt Firefall if anything happens to me".

My RA/sis had to be hospitalized when I got her back too our home state. Both were suffering from malnutrition, the Dr was not sure if RA/sis was going to make it...

Her daughter died two months earlier, and she did what BPDs do, she ran with her granddaughter and abused drugs to the point of almost getting arrested....Meanwhile grandniece was taken into child services.
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Old 04-01-2014, 10:01 PM
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Bpd is a diagnosis that can be treated quite successfully with Dbt therapy and medication for depression, anxiety etc. I know of quite a few people who decided to help themselves and live very successful, fulfilling lives. Treatment by professionals is necessary and she must be willing to change her destructive behaviors and ways of thinking. She is not doomed to emotional caretaking the rest of her life. She needs help of which you cannot give her but she is certainly not a lost cause by any stretch of the imagination. Unless she chooses not to get well. Just like addiction. Peace and strength.
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Old 04-02-2014, 04:44 AM
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I am curious to hear what the actual dx is in addition to BPD. It sounds like your sister has been way incapacitated beyond what an actual BPD diagnosis alone would see..... Malnutrition and the lack of self care are curious.


I imagine the drug use play a big factor...
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Old 04-02-2014, 07:14 PM
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She has major depressive disorder, BPD, codeine addiction with alcohol as a backup.
I am going by what doctors and reading material from Dr are providing me.
and her behavior and mind set seem to agree with what I have been told, there may be some other things going on, I don't know.

It hasn't been too bad until recently.
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Old 04-02-2014, 07:51 PM
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I think the doctors full of hooey. There seem to be so many conflicting ideas about BPD.
Frankly it seems the experts can't agree. RA/sis hides herself in her room to avoid "hurting or upsetting others, doesn't want to talk for fear of "messing up". Sneaks food like it is wrong for her to have it. Investigates family members personal spaces when they are not present.... don't know where all this comes from.

I don't care what is wrong with her, just need to know how to love her live balanced.
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Old 04-02-2014, 07:53 PM
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Tangerinepuddle she refuses dbt see post above
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Old 04-03-2014, 06:13 AM
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Firefall...

Many times our loved ones refuse to help themselves (addiction; mental health; physical health) and we are left holding the ball so-to-speak.

In my opinion, laying boundaries for her as to what conditions she can stay with you is a way to keep peace in your household.

I know of one man in his early 50's that refused treatment for schizophrenia. He knew that it had a big impact on his life but he felt he was Jesus and didn't need help. The last place to live was with his sister who was at her wits end. She told him "you either get help or be homeless."

He went and got help. Did he believe he needed it? Not really but he had a choice to make as well....just like his sister.

There is no forcing treatment for any of our loved ones.....however we can figure out what we need. How do we maintain our life, in our home, without catering to the needs of someone who doesn't care? I am afraid it lies with us.
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Old 04-03-2014, 08:47 AM
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Thanks TX Your words sound right. In my ignorance, the only boundary I set initially was sober.

Now I know better but am feeli really uncomfortable about changing the rules. Shouldn't but there it is.
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