Here is the real kicker.....
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Dallas TX
Posts: 2,282
This is not a feel good piece to console my friend LMN in a tough time.
If it has that effect---so much the better.....but the central tenet is
my view of objective reality as I have experienced it in a long, happy
and productive life.
All my life I have been fascinated by what I call decision analysis.
For lack of a long winded (but more accurate) explanation---it is the
study of "when was the ship doomed"......and by what decision or oversight.
Let's say a crew didn't put enough fuel on a plane for a long overwater
journey (no available enroute alternates). They discover their error 6 hrs into
a 10 hr flight-------discovering that they have only 2 hours of fuel left.
What's happening in the back? People are happy, looking forward to vacations,
anticipating the end of a long flight. Some are living it up in first lapping up good food
and booze.
But the die is cast. No way out. The ship is doomed. Ditchings in mid ocean
share nothing in common with the millpond-smooth Hudson River landing of "Sully".
In first class, a rather happy, drunk, overfed fellow (and his brand new 2nd wife) is
being rather ebullient regaling his 'hero tales' of his latest sales conquest-----to anyone
willing to listen (as well as some who are not).
'Kinda like the movie Titanic. Big time partying----but reality is stalking the ship at
30 knots of closure speed.
Meanwhile, back on the shore, sits a lady "left behind". Sad, alone, no packing for
the trip, no anticipation. Nope. The hot/new/young wife gets the goodies now----and
she is thrown away.
Addiction is like that. One HELL of a fine party. But being STALKED every moment.
The one thought I have NEVER shared with anyone on SR because (quite honestly) I
felt uncomfortable sharing it ------ was my truest, deepest thought throughout her last
months on earth, to whit:
"You are already dead---you just don't know it yet"
And to you, my friend, I say the converse.
Yes, you didn't make the flight. You weren't invited. I truly know how bad you feel.
(We all do)
But your personal strength has given you enough delta-V to break orbit of this
horror of addiction.
You are ALIVE.
(You just don't know it yet)
If it has that effect---so much the better.....but the central tenet is
my view of objective reality as I have experienced it in a long, happy
and productive life.
All my life I have been fascinated by what I call decision analysis.
For lack of a long winded (but more accurate) explanation---it is the
study of "when was the ship doomed"......and by what decision or oversight.
Let's say a crew didn't put enough fuel on a plane for a long overwater
journey (no available enroute alternates). They discover their error 6 hrs into
a 10 hr flight-------discovering that they have only 2 hours of fuel left.
What's happening in the back? People are happy, looking forward to vacations,
anticipating the end of a long flight. Some are living it up in first lapping up good food
and booze.
But the die is cast. No way out. The ship is doomed. Ditchings in mid ocean
share nothing in common with the millpond-smooth Hudson River landing of "Sully".
In first class, a rather happy, drunk, overfed fellow (and his brand new 2nd wife) is
being rather ebullient regaling his 'hero tales' of his latest sales conquest-----to anyone
willing to listen (as well as some who are not).
'Kinda like the movie Titanic. Big time partying----but reality is stalking the ship at
30 knots of closure speed.
Meanwhile, back on the shore, sits a lady "left behind". Sad, alone, no packing for
the trip, no anticipation. Nope. The hot/new/young wife gets the goodies now----and
she is thrown away.
Addiction is like that. One HELL of a fine party. But being STALKED every moment.
The one thought I have NEVER shared with anyone on SR because (quite honestly) I
felt uncomfortable sharing it ------ was my truest, deepest thought throughout her last
months on earth, to whit:
"You are already dead---you just don't know it yet"
And to you, my friend, I say the converse.
Yes, you didn't make the flight. You weren't invited. I truly know how bad you feel.
(We all do)
But your personal strength has given you enough delta-V to break orbit of this
horror of addiction.
You are ALIVE.
(You just don't know it yet)
Getting there!!
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 5,750
Thank you Vale. Your timing couldn't be better, I promise!!
I am sitting here right now fighting with myself. I haven't heard a word from him all week. It's the longest time since we have been together whether he was using or not. I wonder....how can he not be concerned about me?? What is his new distraction? Why is he not trying to make this right?
I know the answers, I am just struggling with them. Withdrawals for me? Yes!! Looks like he reached acceptance too before I did. But I know I am doing the right thing, for both of us. I know I will be happy again, I know I am better off away from him and addiction. I am just still having a hard time with "accepting" it all.
I am sitting here right now fighting with myself. I haven't heard a word from him all week. It's the longest time since we have been together whether he was using or not. I wonder....how can he not be concerned about me?? What is his new distraction? Why is he not trying to make this right?
I know the answers, I am just struggling with them. Withdrawals for me? Yes!! Looks like he reached acceptance too before I did. But I know I am doing the right thing, for both of us. I know I will be happy again, I know I am better off away from him and addiction. I am just still having a hard time with "accepting" it all.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Dallas TX
Posts: 2,282
Yes!! (((((((Looks like))))))) he reached acceptance too before I did.
........sometimes (OK, MOST) times.....things are not what they 'look' like.
Freefall (& addiction)never hurt anyone......it's the sudden meeting with whatever continent/ocean
(reality) below that hurts.
........sometimes (OK, MOST) times.....things are not what they 'look' like.
Freefall (& addiction)never hurt anyone......it's the sudden meeting with whatever continent/ocean
(reality) below that hurts.
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
By the way Vale, I love your analogies. I could feel myself on the plane without enough gas, really I could. I was the one, while everyone else was having a swell time oblivious to what was happening...I was the one looking for the parachutes!! 
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: W Washington
Posts: 11,589
ya know how they have those office spaces now that people can RENT to see clients etc if they don't have a real office space of their own?? so before the client gets there they can take the family photo out of the brief case, put the potted plant on the side table and try to PRESENT a sense of permanence to their client??
it's kinda like that.
ya know, I imagine if hank and I ever split, he'd just go and be done and cut off contact. that's how he is....he doesn't hold on to the past....he never went back to any of his former partners...I asked him once if he ever wanted to get in touch with P or KL and see how they were doing.....and he was emphatic in his HELL NO. some people just move on and don't look back.
it's kinda like that.
ya know, I imagine if hank and I ever split, he'd just go and be done and cut off contact. that's how he is....he doesn't hold on to the past....he never went back to any of his former partners...I asked him once if he ever wanted to get in touch with P or KL and see how they were doing.....and he was emphatic in his HELL NO. some people just move on and don't look back.
Getting there!!
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 5,750
I really thought he was trying so hard to "sell me" on it so I would move in. Now, I thing he was just bragging and saying "see, I am not as bad as you thought." Yeah, look at you!! Big deal, you are still a slave to your addiction!! It will destroy or kill you eventually because that's what it does and I can't allow it to destroy me any more.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Dallas TX
Posts: 2,282
Originally Posted by Ann 
^^^^
"Ambigram"
"Ambigram"
I learned something new today!
(Don't you just hate it when someone not terribly bright learns something
new-----and they have to weave it into every second paragraph for a week?)
Vale/Ambigram ............you have been warned!
Getting there!!
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 5,750
It would take one phone call to destroy him! But no, I need to take the high road.....because that has gotten me somewhere. <eye roll > ONLY confirmed how the nice guy always finishes last. Damn, I must have been way too nice.
No, I won't make the call. I am going to let his addiction do it.
Warning, warning, warning.....I am entering into the anger stage! It won't be pretty either!!
No, I won't make the call. I am going to let his addiction do it.
Warning, warning, warning.....I am entering into the anger stage! It won't be pretty either!!
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
The anger stage is good, but if I knew you were heading there I would have bought you a dammit doll. You just whack them around shouting Dammit until all the anger is gone. Looks like you're just going to have to work through it...but we're here for you all the way.
I think of the movie "Steel Magnolias" where Sally Field (M'Lynn) is angry coming from the funeral of her daughter and Shirley MacLaine (Clairee) grabs Olympia Dukakis and says "You need to hit something, Hit this! Hit Ouiser!"
I'll be Ouiser, you can hit me...and then we can go have cheesecake and coffee.
Hugs
I think of the movie "Steel Magnolias" where Sally Field (M'Lynn) is angry coming from the funeral of her daughter and Shirley MacLaine (Clairee) grabs Olympia Dukakis and says "You need to hit something, Hit this! Hit Ouiser!"
I'll be Ouiser, you can hit me...and then we can go have cheesecake and coffee.
Hugs
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Dallas TX
Posts: 2,282
There's a reason nuclear weapons have only been used twice in anger since
they came into being.
Be careful.
As far as nice guys finishing last, I don't buy it. Never did. If addiction had
a hand in winning the game of life----I'd be the biggest addict on the face of the planet.
To the contrary, it seems second only to (competently executed) suicide as a way to
reliably destroy one's life.
One of the better pieces of advice my father gave me was not to expend too much
capital trying to destroy one's enemies. Keep your eyes on the prize and let their
vanity,lack of competence, and self doubt do it for you.
Why pay for admission when you can watch the show for free?
they came into being.
Be careful.
As far as nice guys finishing last, I don't buy it. Never did. If addiction had
a hand in winning the game of life----I'd be the biggest addict on the face of the planet.
To the contrary, it seems second only to (competently executed) suicide as a way to
reliably destroy one's life.
One of the better pieces of advice my father gave me was not to expend too much
capital trying to destroy one's enemies. Keep your eyes on the prize and let their
vanity,lack of competence, and self doubt do it for you.
Why pay for admission when you can watch the show for free?
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Dallas TX
Posts: 2,282
Ask and you shall receive.
A new Vale avatar.....suitable for beating!
Normally, beating a on an offensive little aquatic animal would be considered
cruelty. But LMN is hurting and sometimes you 'gotta break the glass!
Look to the left at that smarmy smart-alec nasty bird! A beating begging to
happen if you ask me!
A new Vale avatar.....suitable for beating!
Normally, beating a on an offensive little aquatic animal would be considered
cruelty. But LMN is hurting and sometimes you 'gotta break the glass!
Look to the left at that smarmy smart-alec nasty bird! A beating begging to
happen if you ask me!
Getting there!!
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 5,750
Lol, I could never hit any of you, including that cute little chick.
But....
I do think a dammit doll would be a good thing to have right about now.
Ugh, I went through boxes of pictures today, a rainy day......it has really pushed me into anger!!
But....
I do think a dammit doll would be a good thing to have right about now.
Ugh, I went through boxes of pictures today, a rainy day......it has really pushed me into anger!!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: The Jungle
Posts: 5,435
I'll chip in for a dammit doll for LMN.
I'm sorry you're hurting too LMN. You are going through a painful process and all of the anger,, tears, and whacking of the dammit doll are part of it. I find that when I'm feeling those powerful emotions, I need to get them OUT of me. I found that getting on an elliptical with some loud music and going until I was exhausted often did the trick. It just has to be processed but I never found a way to actually avoid it.
Take care of you.
gentle hugs
ke
I'm sorry you're hurting too LMN. You are going through a painful process and all of the anger,, tears, and whacking of the dammit doll are part of it. I find that when I'm feeling those powerful emotions, I need to get them OUT of me. I found that getting on an elliptical with some loud music and going until I was exhausted often did the trick. It just has to be processed but I never found a way to actually avoid it.
Take care of you.
gentle hugs
ke
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