riverviewchick

It was as if I was led to the sticky I mention above. I have been going back and forth with my boyfriend all day (for years really)about putting my foot down. Telling him he has to go, we are done and his drug addiction is the main cause. It broke our trust and changed our relationship. I have pointed out to him this is a lifelong pattern of getting clean for awhile then bringing drugs back into his life even when he claims things were as good as they had ever been (when we first got together). He is laying the guilt on strong. In fact here is an excerpt from his last email:
Yhea sounds like love and support.
Guess what I can not do pcp or pot or pills only issue I developed was coke why?
Because anyone who does it to much would get addicted.
Ive heard and saw you had enough in constant text and arguments of late its why I was finally going to admit its an issue and try and stop for me you and us because I finally agreed and admitted my problem and whats its done to us and than when I do you want to dump me and thats love babe?
Love would be trying to help the one you live conquer something so hard together and having enough sense to know its hard and while trying to quit
I WOULD BE MOODY AND ARGUMENTATIVE AND GROUCHY SO BE HONEST WE CAN DO THIS TOGETHER IF YOU CARE TO OR YA CAN KICK ME TO THE CURB AND RUN AWAY. THAT **** STOLE OUR PRIDE OUR REAL PERSONALITY AND DROVE US APPART I AGREE AND IT CHANGED BOTH OF US FOR THE WORST. AFTER I LEAVE IT SHOWS YOU DIDNT CARE ENOUGH TO TRY EVEN TBOUGH YOU KNOW THE PROBLEM SO ID NEVER EVEN TRY AGAIN KNOWING YOUR WAYS OF IF THINGS GOT RUFF YOU WOUKD DO THIS AGAIN OR KNOWING YOU WILL ALWAYS WANT TOTAL CONTROL OF LIVING SITUATION.
EITHER JOIN ME I TRYING TO BEAT THIS THING AS A TEAM AND PARTNERS OR LEAVE ME ALONE ABOUT IT UNDERSTAND?
I have to admit I am so weak when he starts this. Am I right to say no I will not stand around waiting and hoping when I have two children to concentrate on? I feel really harsh and mean even after reading the sticky and knowing this will be a lifelong battle. Am I giving up on him?

AnvilheadII

i don't see any guilt, but i do see a whole bunch of BS.

first he takes NO responsibility for getting addicted, only that anyone who does too much would. second it doesn't sound like he is actually QUIT today, only that he might try.......IF. but that if you dare to put your own life and that of your kids FIRST, well it's all your fault.

nothing in what he says sounds remotely like someone who realizes they have a life or death problem and are going to any lengths to get better.

what a jerk.

Am I right to say no I will not stand around waiting and hoping when I have two children to concentrate on?
you realize that shouldn't even be a question right? that's how twisted HIS addiction has made you that you can't decide who is more important, your kids or him......

riverviewchick

Called him on it. Got yelled at told I was arrogant and givng him a text book lecture and wasn't I the professional all of a sudden and all the other bs. I told him flat out I was not the reason he used. Period. If he put it on a plate in front of me and I used it would be my fault not his so there was no way I am ever accepting any blame for what he does or doesn't do. Gave him the time and location of an NA meeting tonight when he said he needed someplace to go to get away from me. Said if he was serious he would take the "if" out of his sentence and get his butt to that meeting and get on with his life regardless of what I choose to do. I have not felt this strong in 4 years.

jjj111

In my experience, there is just no arguing with an addict. Trying to make them understand our point of view when they are trying to defend their addiction at all costs is just crazy-making. An addict's actions speak much louder than their words, and sometimes our silence speaks much more powerfully than all our efforts to plead/persuade/argue/reason them out of their addiction. Good luck, I hope you get some peace!

Txhelp

You might as well argue with the wall than an active addict!