meggygoround30

I need help moving on and letting go of my AXB. We were together for almost 7 years and he was drunk for most of them. He was my first love. in December we both came to a breaking point. He was extremely out of control, we got into a lot of physical fights. He went to a 30 day rehab center and I started looking for another apartment (we lived together). We didn't have much contact during this time due to the rules of the rehab center. I was very angry and that anger made me feel empowered and so ready to move on!

Then on February 6th he went to a sober house where he will be staying for another month. We have been getting along very well. He's come SO far and I'm so proud of him.

BUT he has moved on. Here is the kicker. His "first love" he met when he was on vacation for a week when he was 15. They kept in touch through internet and the phone. She now has a four year old daughter. And is moving halfway across the country with her to be with my AXB.

It's KILLING me emotionally! I have been stuck in the apartment we shared together and constantly reminded every single day of him. All the good times, the bad times. He's already calling the kid his daughter and it's tearing me apart to know he has moved on so quickly! I know I should be happy for him (although I'm afraid of him relapsing if they don't work out and he gets attached to the kid). But I don't know how to let him go! I am finally moving out in a week and I know it will help a lot not being in this apartment. But he is here right now with a friend from his meetings (it's his apartment now) and he was on the phone with his new girlfriend and told her "I love you."

I'm stuck in the bedroom because I can't stand to be near him. It hurts so ******* much. I'm sure this hurts in normal breakups but we have been through HELL together and I.just don't know how to stop feeling so sad about losing him as a partner. We want to continue a friendship, we are best friends. But it's so hard to put the past behind me when there is so much live and pain mixed together.

Kindeyes

I'm sorry that you are hurting so badly. It takes time to recover after a relationship ends....sometimes lots of time. I agree with you that it will help once you are in your own place and you can begin the process of creating new memories.

hugs
ke

Txhelp

Yes...I agree. Once you move out, it will be better physically than having to see him. However, the breakup (of the heart) will take time to mend.

Give it time...all that it needs. Don't rush or be hard on yourself for not getting "over" him. Tend to your heart and health. Love yourself and fill the void with other things. No rushing or bouncing into other intimate relationships. This will detour the healing.

Ann

I am sorry your heart is hurting.

As you heal, perhaps you might give thought to why you settled for this, a first love who was drunk almost the entire time you were together. I'm not being critical, we all have made some bad choices, but more I am hoping that you can learn from this and not jump into another bad relationship, as happens so many times.

You deserve better than "drunk". You can have better than that too, maybe just set the bar a little higher, get yourself healthy too because "healthy attracts healthy".

Wishing you happier days ahead.

Hugs

L0stH0pe

hi, i too am sorry that you are having to deal with this and are hurting so much, i can understand your feelings of betrayal and loss.

What Ann says rings so, so true.. i have made three bad choices now, you would have thought id learned the first time round but nooo, i keep being attracted to the frogs. I think it was the Melody Beattie book "Codependent no more" that has the "kissing frogs" analogy in it, that we all kiss many, many frogs before we find our prince. And even, then, it is entirely possible that we go back to kissing frogs.

Im on a rollercoaster of a learning curve, its a white knuckle ride to work on yourself, to wrench away that instinctive concentration on your AH/ABF/AGF and to deal with yourself. Im learning that i dont really know "myself", so it is scary stuff.

You moving into your own apartment will be a great, positive step for you, however uncomfortable that may feel at some point in the future.. it is GREAT and your first step to independence!

I know you probably wont "hear" this properly at the moment, in the middle of the hurt (i know i wouldnt and couldnt) but you DO deserve better and you WILL be happy again, itll take time but I'm sure you will get there.

meggygoround30

Thank you all for responding. I know I need to work on myself and I'm looking forward to having the time to do that. I am so shy and have social anxiety so I never had a relationship before I met my AXB. I didn't have any confidence and didn't put myself out there. So when I found out he really liked me I fell for him hard. I wanted so badly to have a family with him and that fantasy took over me just like his disease took over him. We talked last night and I asked him how he was able to let go of our relationship? He said that he knows I won't take him back because of everything he put me through so the only thing he could do is move on. He said I came into his life at a bad time but we love each other so much even though we went through all if that. There's a reason we were brought together. I learned so much from him and I know what I want now in a partner. I'm excited for this next chapter in my life.