I lost the battle
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: sleepy hollow,ny
Posts: 11
I lost the battle
I lost my son of 20 yr recently to heroin.....It has been devestating but I decided to as best I can going foward.
I want to start a support group in sleepy hollow / tarrytown area as there are none that focus on this.
I have been to yorktown group but feel there must be a need for a group in my area. Also i would like to share / talk to these kids that are still struggling.
I am open to any suggestions.
Thx Ty
I want to start a support group in sleepy hollow / tarrytown area as there are none that focus on this.
I have been to yorktown group but feel there must be a need for a group in my area. Also i would like to share / talk to these kids that are still struggling.
I am open to any suggestions.
Thx Ty
Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Colorado
Posts: 577
I am so incredibly sorry for the loss of your beloved son. As the mother of an addict, 23 years old, this is a fear I struggle with every single day. You have found s great site for support. There is also a grief and loss forum on here as well. I admire you greatly for wanting to share your son's experience with young people. That is grief in action and you will bring comfort to many others. I send you big hugs and prayers....I know others will be along to welcome you. I'm so glad you're reached out for support. Xoxo
Member
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: The Jungle
Posts: 5,435
There are no words.....I am so saddened to hear of the loss of your beloved son. There are so many parents here on SR who understand the anguish of having a son or daughter addicted....in my case....my son. You are experiencing what we all fear. Your son is no longer struggling with this disease....may he rest in peace.
Prayers going up for you and all who loved him.
gentlest of hugs
ke
Prayers going up for you and all who loved him.
gentlest of hugs
ke
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
I too am the mother of an addicted son, mine has been missing 10 years, lost in his addiction somewhere, but although I know the feeling of loss, yours is every mama's nightmare and I am so very sorry for your loss. 
I'm not sure what kind of support group you want to start, but if it is an Al-anon or Nar-anon or CoDA group, you can contact them as ask about starting a new group. If it's a family support group, maybe talk to some addiction workers in your area and see what they suggest.
I think it is noble that you want to do this and it will probably be healing for you too, to turn this tragedy into something that might save someone else.
I am glad you joined us and hope you find some support and comfort here.
Hugs
I'm not sure what kind of support group you want to start, but if it is an Al-anon or Nar-anon or CoDA group, you can contact them as ask about starting a new group. If it's a family support group, maybe talk to some addiction workers in your area and see what they suggest.
I think it is noble that you want to do this and it will probably be healing for you too, to turn this tragedy into something that might save someone else.
I am glad you joined us and hope you find some support and comfort here.
Hugs
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 349
Ty1, I am so sorry to hear about the loss of your son. May the love and support of SR members provide some comfort for you. Thank you for reaching out and wanting to help those who still struggle. There is a real need for support. I don't live far from you, I'm in Bergen County. There is a real heroin epidemic here in NJ. i think Ann has made some good suggestions regarding reaching out to local groups.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: TX
Posts: 731
So sorry....it's the fear that all parents go to when they have addicted children. A worse nightmare to say the least.
I am hearing that the support group is more geared to the children that are using? Are you speaking other than an AA or NA type support group?
I am hearing that the support group is more geared to the children that are using? Are you speaking other than an AA or NA type support group?
happy, joyous an free!
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: northeast
Posts: 693
ty1 - so so sorry for your loss. my heart is breaking for you….. you are showing such strength and grace and i pray you can reach these struggling young ones in some way. sending love and prayers to you that peace may be yours in the days to come…..
Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 102
Ty1, I too am very sorry for your loss. I am deeply saddened for your sorrow and all of our struggles to help guide our children to recovery. I am the mother of a 23 yo heroin addict. I go through the ups and downs trying to remain hopeful. My heart is with you, and I pray for you to have strength to get through this chapter in your life. Hugs to you.
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 1,927
Originally Posted by ty1 
I lost my son of 20 yr recently to heroin.....It has been devestating but I decided to as best I can going foward.
I want to start a support group in sleepy hollow / tarrytown area as there are none that focus on this.
I have been to yorktown group but feel there must be a need for a group in my area. Also i would like to share / talk to these kids that are still struggling.
I am open to any suggestions.
Thx Ty
I want to start a support group in sleepy hollow / tarrytown area as there are none that focus on this.
I have been to yorktown group but feel there must be a need for a group in my area. Also i would like to share / talk to these kids that are still struggling.
I am open to any suggestions.
Thx Ty
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: sleepy hollow,ny
Posts: 11
thank you to all of you for your words.
there is so much pain sometimes, a peice of my heart that will always be missing. I find that most people just do not understand what it is like to lose a child and do not want to bring it up / afraid yet this is exactly what gives me some comfort
Finding some sort of serenity is to talk about it as it keeps him within me.
I will never forget the phone call.....
there is so much pain sometimes, a peice of my heart that will always be missing. I find that most people just do not understand what it is like to lose a child and do not want to bring it up / afraid yet this is exactly what gives me some comfort
Finding some sort of serenity is to talk about it as it keeps him within me.
I will never forget the phone call.....
Member
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 793
Ty1, my heart goes out to you. My AD is 20 and also a heroin user, and, like others here, I fear for her life every day. I have found great solace reaching out to others in both private and public settings, and I highly recommend it whenever you are ready.
Recently I found a Facebook group called The Addict's Mom and I am sure they have someone near you where such a group can be created or already exists. Look for it in general and then you'll find your state, etc. They are planning a walk in May, part of a nationwide effort, to get recovery & addiction out of the shadows.
Much love and peace your way--so many of us are here, and on the journey with you.
Recently I found a Facebook group called The Addict's Mom and I am sure they have someone near you where such a group can be created or already exists. Look for it in general and then you'll find your state, etc. They are planning a walk in May, part of a nationwide effort, to get recovery & addiction out of the shadows.
Much love and peace your way--so many of us are here, and on the journey with you.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: The Jungle
Posts: 5,435
Originally Posted by ty1
thank you to all of you for your words.
there is so much pain sometimes, a peice of my heart that will always be missing. I find that most people just do not understand what it is like to lose a child and do not want to bring it up / afraid yet this is exactly what gives me some comfort
Finding some sort of serenity is to talk about it as it keeps him within me.
I will never forget the phone call.....
there is so much pain sometimes, a peice of my heart that will always be missing. I find that most people just do not understand what it is like to lose a child and do not want to bring it up / afraid yet this is exactly what gives me some comfort
Finding some sort of serenity is to talk about it as it keeps him within me.
I will never forget the phone call.....
Every one of us understands what is like to love someone who is addicted. Most of us understand and live with the fear of losing our loved one. You are safe here......with people who "get it". Talk about your son all you want to....we will "listen"......and we can relate in ways that perhaps others may not.
There is a very distinct kind of anguish that a parent experiences with addiction of their child. This does not minimize the anguish of those who have addicted spouses, siblings, SO's or parents......
You are not alone.....we will walk with you if you'd like us to.
love and hugs
ke
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: East Coast USA
Posts: 120,845
Ty1 - you may want to contact your local high school; the schools often have drug and alcohol prevention classes or seminars; they may provide a platform for yountonaddress the students.
Also, if you can't find a specific support group for parents who have lost children to addictions, you might find a general bereavement group. Despite the widely varied circumstances between losses, there is so much commonality of emotions among bereaved parents; you may find it enormously helpful - I did. This group may also provide you with a platform for a sub-group of sorts - maybe the chance to form a subgroup that meets quarterly to discuss the emotions unique to your loss.
Also, if you can't find a specific support group for parents who have lost children to addictions, you might find a general bereavement group. Despite the widely varied circumstances between losses, there is so much commonality of emotions among bereaved parents; you may find it enormously helpful - I did. This group may also provide you with a platform for a sub-group of sorts - maybe the chance to form a subgroup that meets quarterly to discuss the emotions unique to your loss.
happy, joyous an free!
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: northeast
Posts: 693
Ty1 - I wanted to tell you that sharing your loss with us here at SR has had a powerful impact on me. My recovering addict son (RAS) and I are in the midst of it all and it is so very difficult. He still minimizes the danger.
I am less engaged in his chaos as it was slowly destroying me. Although I am learning to be healthier in my own recovery (long time AA and new codependency work) he lives in my home so I still have a front row seat. I have on occasion seen things or sensed things that I do not believe show him doing his best for recovery.
It is a fine line between enabling and support. Just yesterday I forcefully mentioned something that has disturbed me. I didn't harp, nag or try to control. But I voiced my opinion strongly. Again he tried to minimize things.
And then I second guessed myself. It is so easy for him to rationalize and make it less than… I have told him many times my support comes from love and I will only support recovery. I am blunt about the dangers he refuses to address. Your post has encouraged me to stay the course and not hide from the reality that being in active addiction will kill.
Your dreadful, heart wrenching loss has encouraged me to continue to be blunt with my son when I see anything which disturbs me. Even if I am wrong about what I think I see. This disease does not have a willing participate in me. I will not calmly watch it take another child of ours.
So. Thank you.
I am less engaged in his chaos as it was slowly destroying me. Although I am learning to be healthier in my own recovery (long time AA and new codependency work) he lives in my home so I still have a front row seat. I have on occasion seen things or sensed things that I do not believe show him doing his best for recovery.
It is a fine line between enabling and support. Just yesterday I forcefully mentioned something that has disturbed me. I didn't harp, nag or try to control. But I voiced my opinion strongly. Again he tried to minimize things.
And then I second guessed myself. It is so easy for him to rationalize and make it less than… I have told him many times my support comes from love and I will only support recovery. I am blunt about the dangers he refuses to address. Your post has encouraged me to stay the course and not hide from the reality that being in active addiction will kill.
Your dreadful, heart wrenching loss has encouraged me to continue to be blunt with my son when I see anything which disturbs me. Even if I am wrong about what I think I see. This disease does not have a willing participate in me. I will not calmly watch it take another child of ours.
So. Thank you.
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