Firefall

It is hard.

Battling everything detached but not letting go to breath. The realization that there is nothing to fill the void that is created by detaching. I know that we need to fill that void with something positive, I just haven't figured out what yet. I am telling myself to
ask sober friends to do something enjoyable for an hour or two. If I don't have friends because my live-in A/sis has run them off, find a way to meet new ones. Go to a support group meeting.
Go through the grieving process, instead of this stupid happy face.
She is sober but dead in spirit, so grieve what might have been. She has made her choice to be a dry addict, so there it is.

L0stH0pe

mm maybe that's what im experiencing.. i finally managed to detach but with that came this horrible nothing.. a huge void, i feel disconnected and disjointed in the world around me.

Im trying to fill the void.. but cant find anything that fits... so now im a master detacher but have no clue how to reconnect to things that are good for me great @_@

Firefall

Yep... I am the happy face girl. Trying to use my logic say the right things do the right things. When I am feeling sad, feeling mad, feeling sucked up by the addiction triangle and all the excuses of why the A/sis needs so much mercy but give especially nothing back.
Color me today

Raider

Do you have to live with your A/sis?

Firefall

If she does not live with me she is on the street, she has run off all other family members.

Firefall

I guess I am going through adrenal withdrawal. Time to take my serotonin reuptake meds again. hmmm

Firefall

I am struggling, but not without hope. Help is coming from an unlikely source and I love them for it.

Having someone to listen and encourage, sympathize, point the way is an amazing gift of sacrifice. I feel truly blessed by the fact that they were willing to let God use them to help me. How can I feel alone right now? I don't, because they reached out. So in this moment I remember who I am. Thank you my friend

Ann

Firefall, have you tried Al-anon meetings? They might help you endure this situation and offer support from people who have been where you are. Meetings have helped many of us here find our balance when our world was rocky.

Hugs

Firefall

I resisted because I did not understand why I had to take on one more thing. BUT now I realize this is something that will help me.
I did go to one meeting, but it was not good. I have been told that meeting was not how most meetings are. So as soon as I can, am planning on going to a meeting not too far.
At SR am finding information and support that is helping me to see that having a group helps me to change my hyper-vigilence which is getting in the way of all my relationships.

Thanks Ann

hopeful4

I don't know what your faith is, but I attend Celebrate Recovery which is alot like Alanon/AA backed up with scripture. It is for anyone with a hurt, habit, or hangup. It starts as a large group then you break into small groups with people of the same sex with like issues. For women ours has: Codependency, Chemical Dependency, and Everything Under the Sun.

This has been the backbone of my finding myself again. These wonderful people have saved me.

And when I finally made my AH leave the other day (we will be divorcing, it's in motion), he was having issues. When I asked my fellow CR leadership people about it, they kindly reminded me that he is not my issue, they will deal with him and that I should take good care of me and my girls.

Whew..........that was the best news I had heard in a really long time.

Many of them offer a meal ahead of time, programs for children/teens, and I know ours has free babysitting.

Good luck in finding support with people you click with, take good care of YOU!

Kindeyes

Acceptance is one of the toughest lessons I had to learn. Not just as it relates to my son but also life in general. I was continuously frustrated by what should be or could be because it.....wasn't.....and in my mind I felt that acceptance was giving up.

What I have found is that acceptance is a gift I give not only to myself.....but to others as well. Just because I accept something doesn't mean I agree with it or condone it but I know now it also doesn't mean that I have given up.

Acceptance means that I have stopped fighting battles that are not mine to fight.
Acceptance means that I have stopped trying to change others to better fit my idea of who they should be.
Acceptance means that I am going with the flow rather than trying to paddle upstream.
Acceptance means that I don't have to have expectations.
Acceptance means I love myself for who I am....flaws and all.
Acceptance means that I can love others for who they are....flaws and all.
Acceptance means that I am no longer in a constant state of anxiety.
Acceptance means that I am better able to find gratitude....even in things that I sometimes feel ungrateful for.
Acceptance has made me a better person, mother, wife, sister, daughter, and friend.
Acceptance was key for me.

I have found a great deal of serenity in acceptance of what truly just IS......and by stopping the insanity producing expectations of what could or should be......I am at peace.

Wishing you peace today....and everyday.

gentle hugs
ke

CAPTAINZING2000

This is your place she resides at?
I didn't look to see what everyone else wrote but you should set conditions upon which she has to abide by.
What does she do around the house for her keep ?
Are you playing a part in enabling her?

Firefall

Hopeful4 I have a strong faith and a good church, but let's face it people who are not dealing with addiction (either side) don't know how to help with the day to day issues. I tend to not be a complainer (open about issues), so here goes, getting it out. I have memory loss from a stroke (hence service dog), hypertension that is outta control, adrenal deficiency, hypothyroidism, beginning stage renal failure (no I never used or drank), CFID, cataracts... and I feel pretty good today (still have a sense of humor). I am the main caregiver of my sister's granddaughter. So getting out to a a meeting 30 minutes away is really a challenge. that I am trying to overcome. That is why I am sucking up all the info I can from SR and books.

Firefall

I am so in agreement now to find it!

Firefall

Cap she keeps her room and bathroom clean, she does help with some. Cleaning in the main area, when she is not hiding out in her room, or sleeping. She tends to sleep during day and stay up at night playing games on tablet. She is either doing too much for a couple of days and then outta commission for days or weeks.
When she came to live with me, I had not seen her or talked to her since 1991. She said she was sober. She gets a small disability check for her personal items and some groceries.

Rules was only one, stay sober. That was before I understood about the chemistry of Addiction and being a dry A. Is she sober? Truthfully, I don't know from day to day.

hopeful4

O sorry, I really meant more so that if you are a faithful person Celebrate Recovery may be a good match for you, and they are almost always at a church. You should be able to do an internet search and see if there are any offered in your area. Believe me, they do understand the day to day issues! Thought maybe it would fit your schedule a bit better.

Break

"What I have found is that acceptance is a gift I give not only to myself.....but to others as well. Just because I accept something doesn't mean I agree with it or condone it but I know now it also doesn't mean that I have given up".

KindEyes,
Thank you so much for posting these words. This is exactly where I now find myself with my son's addiction to meth.
I have now accepted, but that does not mean that I that I condone. I now find myself alone in dealing with this. My family thinks that I am enabling my son. But I really don't think that I am. He recently lost his job because he was crashing, but he found another job within two weeks. He is a highly skilled web developer so he makes a lot of money.
He swears to me that he no longer uses and I should not listen to what people are saying.

I am very confused because, he pays his rent, he pays all his bills, he does not ask me for money. But then he still has the hallucinations and paranoia. I honestly don't know what to believe.