Take what you....
Getting there!!
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 5,750
Take what you....
Want and leave the rest. 
Let me first be honest, I suffer from being terminally unique. Ya see, my husband was different, I was different, and our marriage was once different.
Over and over, I was encouraged to let go and let God but noooooooo, I was going to help, support and encourage my husband. (Translation- cajole, manipulate, and threaten). My husband would plead with me for help!! How could I say no, after all he was "trying." He was different and I just knew I could save him.
I finally let go and gave him to God over a month ago. Well, I just got a text from him that he will be entering detox tomorrow. I know he has lots of support, other recovering addicts and doesn't need mine. I am not qualified, nor was I ever. Geesh, what an ego I had, lol.
Anyway, the rest is between him (he?) and God. I don't know what the outcome will be, but that will be his choice. I am still moving forward with my own life. He has every right to use or not use, I have right to take care of me the way I see fit and I accept that.......finally!!
Let me first be honest, I suffer from being terminally unique. Ya see, my husband was different, I was different, and our marriage was once different.
Over and over, I was encouraged to let go and let God but noooooooo, I was going to help, support and encourage my husband. (Translation- cajole, manipulate, and threaten). My husband would plead with me for help!! How could I say no, after all he was "trying." He was different and I just knew I could save him.
I finally let go and gave him to God over a month ago. Well, I just got a text from him that he will be entering detox tomorrow. I know he has lots of support, other recovering addicts and doesn't need mine. I am not qualified, nor was I ever. Geesh, what an ego I had, lol.
Anyway, the rest is between him (he?) and God. I don't know what the outcome will be, but that will be his choice. I am still moving forward with my own life. He has every right to use or not use, I have right to take care of me the way I see fit and I accept that.......finally!!
Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Somewhere out there
Posts: 2,249
LMN you sound like you are in such a good place with all this. You know you cannot save him or make him do anything you think he should. You are so smart!
I pray he gets the help he needs and can kick this for good. I hope to be where you are right now, knowing all the time that my son has to do it on his own with no help from any of us. Most of the time I am pretty good but progress, not perfection for me.
Hugs.
I pray he gets the help he needs and can kick this for good. I hope to be where you are right now, knowing all the time that my son has to do it on his own with no help from any of us. Most of the time I am pretty good but progress, not perfection for me.
Hugs.
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
I'm glad you are taking care of you,LMN. Detox is not a cure but for his sake I am glad he is doing this. The good thing in all this is that your recovery doesn't depend on how he is for you to stay balanced.
Hugs
Hugs
●▬๑۩۩๑▬●
Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 1,405
outtolunch used to say that "codependency is a disease of the ego". Even with years in recovery, I used to get a little offended when she would post that. Knowing that those are the type of posts I need to pay attention to because that damn thing called truth stings. I did some more work around that and for me yep...it is an ego thing. We get enmeshed in "helping" someone because it makes us feel needed, makes us feel better than, and then in return for our "helping" then have expectations of what we want in return. How many times have we read "after all I did/do for him..."? And, then if they get clean we can pat ourselves on the back and say "look how I saved", but if they return to using we never hang our head and say "I failed".
Getting there!!
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 5,750
Originally Posted by cynical one 
outtolunch used to say that "codependency is a disease of the ego". Even with years in recovery, I used to get a little offended when she would post that. Knowing that those are the type of posts I need to pay attention to because that damn thing called truth stings. I did some more work around that and for me yep...it is an ego thing. We get enmeshed in "helping" someone because it makes us feel needed, makes us feel better than, and then in return for our "helping" then have expectations of what we want in return. How many times have we read "after all I did/do for him..."? And, then if they get clean we can pat ourselves on the back and say "look how I saved", but if they return to using we never hang our head and say "I failed".
I was completely lost when I would read that. I was new to the forum and simply didn't understand it. Then the light bulb went off, I got it but I still didn't know how to work on it consistently.
Step 1 was obviously a struggle.
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