rairai979

My brother has struggled with a pain pill addiction for years. We're very close, but I've definitely pulled back from our relationship a bit. He's now been in an inpatient facility for about 3 weeks, and I've been asked to attend the family program for 4 of the 5 days this coming weekend.

My dad is very controlling and has been contacting my brother's counselor on a daily basis. After a phone call with my brother, I know this will be brought up this weekend, as he's still trying to control him while he's in rehab.

Can anyone give me any advice on what to expect?

Thanks in advance!

CodeJob

RaiRai,

Welcome to SR.

Is your father contacting you to attend on your brother's behalf or is your brother asking you to come on his behalf?

You can decide to go or not go for just you. If he has had this problem for years, it is perfectly OK that you have pulled back in your relationship with your brother.

I went to family program that ran for 2 days for my RAH almost a year ago. I went for 3 reasons. 1. I wanted to learn more about his inpatient rehab and gain some of their perspective of how they perceived addiction and how they had been teaching him how to deal with life without addiction. 2. I was curious as heck to see RAH and no one else from his family went to support him. 3. He asked me.

I got there and saw the place. It was not fancy. The first afternoon was their free day and I met up with my H with no formal programming. I met a lot of really nice men who were sober. The first day of programming, two parents just started crying right at introductions. I was totally freaked out bc I am RESERVED. I was also freaked out bc they were on their 6th attempt trying to get their young man on a path of recovery. This was my H's first time and grasping the nature of recovery and its pitfalls and multiple attempts is not very easy for a perfectionist like me. Those sobbing parents forced that truth on me and it almost made me sick to see them in such despair. I learned a lot about AA, 12 steps, one day at a time, etc. We closed out that day with an open AA meeting - a speaker. My H's roommate had taken 'something' and was passed out that entire day in his room. I found out it was easy to get whatever you wanted in rehab.

Day 2 the family coordinator wrung every bit of emotion out of us. I was an observer, and had to take my turn and speak my feelings/my hurt/my truth to my H in front of everyone in that group. It was very sad and painful. But I felt very manipulated in a sense bc I am a private person and I was doubting if this made any difference to the addicts in the long run if they were relapsing. Because I am reserved, I tend to doubt getting whipped into an emotional frenzy. It just feels wrong and I quickly get suspect even at church. This is my own shortfall that I don't trust emotions. I met the MD with my H and we went over all his meds, and whether or not he should try antabuse (or something akin to it I can't recall). The MD was EXCELLENT. He and I had quite a conversation about meds and the research on some of them. He really knew his specialty and it reassured me greatly. I really needed some medical jargon and logic to offset all the religious overtones and emotional outpouring.

For me it was the right decision to go. I feel like I learned a lot. It turned out that was my only opening to talk to my H and feel like he listened to me. Every time I have tried to communicate with him about all of this mess since, he has dismissed my feelings.

I hope this helps you. I hope your brother is ready to choose recovery. My H has managed to remain sober for 11 months and counting. Peace!

rairai979

Thank you so much, your reply was very helpful.

I asked if it was appropriate for me to attend, and his counselor agreed that I should be there for 4 of the 5 days. I wanted to hear everything for myself. My dad isn't really able to be impartial, and my mom has been pretty disconnected about things lately. It should be an interesting experience.