recovery looks like recovery... or does it??

Old 03-18-2014, 04:06 PM
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recovery looks like recovery... or does it??

I say it does. I got another letter from the prison. This one is about 4 pages of all kinds of stuff. IMHO an addict who is using inside will always need more money, and ask for it in various ways. I haven't seen any of that so far. He has an "allowance" of about 20 a week from his mom. That's enough for stamps, ciggs, whatever.

I admire that he's sober but that's always been his cycle. Rehab 30 days, relapse, rehab 90 days, back to using, now sober since decemberish.

oh he'll stay sober inside... but he wants to know if he can come straight home from behind the wall...

I'm not sure about that and I'm glad I have a year and a half to decide.

I guess I'm just venting here. The drama around AH going to prison has subsided a little bit. thank goodness. there was a time there over the holidays when the family was calling every day to see if I had heard from him.
I've decided I'm ok with visiting, but my oh my....
what a journey this has been.
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Old 03-18-2014, 04:50 PM
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Hey Lily
Time will reveal more.....it always does, doesn't it.

Keep taking care of you!

hugs
ke
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Old 03-18-2014, 06:43 PM
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(sigh) time always does. doesn't it? I'm glad he's there. It's like a bandaid though. As long as he's in there I dot have to make my decision. I can procrastinate ad do nothing :/ regarding him at least.
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Old 03-18-2014, 07:14 PM
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Lily, you need to do what you need to do.

You get this, you know jail is just that band-aid. You know he will need to adjust, re acclimate to not being told what to do from minute to minute, that he will need to become productive again for himself. I think making it known that he can't come home now because that is what you want is ok and will give him time to look at other options.

But you also can choose to allow him right home ...

Remember it isn't about him, but YOU. Keep it about you and the decisions are so much easier to make.

Take care.
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Old 03-18-2014, 08:24 PM
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Lily,

Have you ever heard of PICS? Post Incarceration Syndrome.
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Old 03-19-2014, 04:09 AM
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Lily, maybe this would be a good time to do some soul searching and decide what you would like your future to look like, how you can attain your goals...and then decide if he fits into the picture or not.

There is nothing wrong with having some space when he gets out to see how life on the outside unfolds with him, and then decide if this works for you.

You have been given time, and peace, and opportunity to make your own decisions on what is best for you. Embrace that and don't worry about the future right now, today is enough.

Hugs
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Old 03-19-2014, 07:27 AM
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Lily, just some food for thought... Recovery is more than not using.

I sat in jail for 3 months. Didn't use. Second I got home it was the first thing I did. I stopped using when I pregnant, when the baby was born I began using again. Those times I wasn't using... I wasn't in recovery. I don't call it a relapse when I started up again because I was just not using until I could again.
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Old 03-19-2014, 10:27 AM
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Originally Posted by DecBaby View Post
Lily, just some food for thought... Recovery is more than not using.

I sat in jail for 3 months. Didn't use. Second I got home it was the first thing I did. I stopped using when I pregnant, when the baby was born I began using again. Those times I wasn't using... I wasn't in recovery. I don't call it a relapse when I started up again because I was just not using until I could again.
I did the same thing with both pregnancies! whew thank god I'm not the only one.
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Old 03-19-2014, 10:39 AM
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Originally Posted by cynical one View Post
Lily,

Have you ever heard of PICS? Post Incarceration Syndrome.
yes. and I'm concerned about it. My brother is a veteran, and he came home from the war a raging alcoholic with major PTSD issues. He is in recovery now. he recently sent me an article about PICS, and believes AH will have similar struggles.

I think the Salvation Army would be a good place for him to go back to go the first 6 months after incarceration, but I'm not sure if he will appreciate that suggestion.

I've lived with PTSD in my family and I'm not so sure I want to welcome a PICS (post incarceration syndrome) sufferer into my home without being stabilized first. throw the drug use away ( radical thinking, I know) I'm worried about behaviors like mood swings, the triggers of family life, the train going by and him panicking...

I want stability to remain in my life. I am worried about PICS more than relapse because relapse = if/ when and my boundaries are easier laid there. PICS will be there the moment he walk out the gate. no matter what. I have to accept that and decide if I will or will not accept it in my house. how could he not have it after 30 months!?!? not a very long time... but enough to become institutionalized for sure.

thank you everyone for all of your support as I vent these thoughts
hugs,
lily
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Old 03-19-2014, 07:56 PM
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(((((Lily)))))

You can spend your time worrying and fretting about him, or ........................... you can take this gift of almost 30 months and WORK ON YOU. Figure out what YOU WANT. Do some "Pro/Con List" on the various subjects about him. But work on you.

Ask his HP to guide and protect him, than it's back to you. You too have been given a gift, a beautiful gift, freedom from the addiction and freedom from the addict, while you work on you and what you need to do for you, and DOING what you need to do for you.

Good luck and please don't forget to ENJOY this new ride.

Love and hugs,
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