Sometimes, the more I learn.....
 

The less I know......

My husband is supposedly once again getting clean, going thru withdrawals etc. He continues to text me looking for sympathy and support. And I have given it to him, minimally but still. Why you ask?? Because somewhere in my brain, I still think I have some kind of influence.

I feel like if I ignore him, he will use that as an excuse to stop trying. He has pleaded with me to be supportive. I know he thinks if he gets clean again, I will take him back again....but I won't. I am honestly done. But I haven't told him that lately. Why you ask?? Well, we know the answer to that.

I am powerless over people, places and things. I think I am going to need that tattooed on the inside of my eyelids. :headbange

Hi LMN, it sounds like he's still dependent on your approval or moral support or whatever. I suppose telling him you hope he makes it won't do any harm (others may disagree). As for his expectations of you taking him back; that revelation is a long way down the road, and you may never get there.

Yours is a fine example of "detaching with love" LMN. We can encourage them and always care about them from a distance. Because we care about someone doesn't mean we need to remain in a relationship with them, whether it is a spouse or a son or a brother...we can care without involving ourselves in their addiction or recovery.

I remember something said by an dear early member of SR, Just Tires or JT as she became known as. She said "Detaching with love means not squealing your tires as you drive away."

That means we can detach without blaming or shaming or throwing a guilt trip on anyone, we can simple pray for them, wish them all the best and let go of our need to control what they do or don't do next.

Your recovery is shining girl!

Hugs

Wow I really needed to read this post right now. My ah left for rehab two weeks ago(only after getting arrested) and me 'detaching' and not allowing him to come back to our home. Anyway I have basically have had enough and I am finally getting off the roller coaster. Moving in with my parents(I have two young kids) and selling our home etc. anyway my ah cannot stand or deal with the fact that I am done and I need to focus on myself and the kids for a long time. I will always support him in recovery but I refuse to lie and say everything is going to be fine between us. Just so selfish of him to even expect any sort of answer about 'us' at this point. Typical addict selfishness. I do have to say it feels really good to focus on me.

LMN, sometimes two steps up and one step back is still a step forward. ;) I experienced this with my AXBF, I still reached out to him a couple times after I'd really hit my bottom, but then quickly remembered why I was distancing myself. Just know that his destiny is in his own hands and his HP's, and you're under no obligation to "be there" for him. Hugs!

The only way I healed was no contact. I think that is just choice you will have to make. Sending many blessings your way!

I'll go with you to get that tattoo ...............but not on the eyelids:no:
It is so hard trying to be supportive yet not be involved. Sounds like he is still trying to pull you in and get your support and sympathy (and try to control you).
You know that you cannot control what he will do and you cannot walk on eggshells and do what he wants just in case it will push him to want to use. he needs to learn to deal with life without running to drugs every time. That is something HE has to work on and something you are not responsible for. I too have had difficulty with this myself with my son. Now I am so tired of it all i just leave it all up to him. I refuse to tip toe around "just in case." We deserve to have a life we can enjoy! HUGS.

Now, he is preparing for rehab, supposedly. "Should of done this 2 years ago."

Ya think? :)

Shoulda, woulda, coulda….right?

Look doesn’t matter what he is doing, remember.

In this moment what is most important is what you need for you.
And if he is looking into rehab that is awesome, now isn’t it. No matter the reason, and it wasn’t about you if he goes and this is a good thing. Be happy for him if you want to cause that is ok, and then let it go.

I know it is frustrating, and it actually does prove that there is no damn control at all. Who knows why he picked now, who knows if it is all talk, if it is all real. Does it even matter either way, today? And no one can or will be able to look ahead to find what his future holds. He was always capable of changing his mind at any time. It could have been because he sneezed and a thought came to him. It really in the scope of things is what it is, nothing more.

How about some redirection.

How are you holding up? Things ok with the move?
And did I hear about a cruise?

Oh and the learning ... what I found is each new thing learned for a while just prompted for more learning.

(hugs)

Today, I went and got my haircut, colored with some highlights. I just love it. Couldn't afford to, couldn't afford not too. Then I went to the bank, got something to eat, and picked up my house some. Packing can be very messy. ;)

The "move" took a huge turn for the better. My original plans have been changed to something healthier and more exciting. Hopefully, I will be "relocating" sometime next week, just not sure what day yet. I am very excited to get my new life started.

Thanks for redirecting me. :)

I love this!

And I'm excited FOR you! It really is a new door...and now you've got great hair for the ride. Ahhh...I can remember a time when good hair, a few friends, and $20 on a Friday night was all it took to be happy... maybe I was smarter then...

Hang in there and keep taking care of you!

I love seeing you write that the move took a turn for the better. The door opened wider it seems.

Don't miss a thing!

Good for you!!! I hope your move is a success and so glad to hear you being kind to you!

Nothing like a "new do" to pick up our spirits, I bet you look beauuutiful!

And I like that his plans are not twarting your plans, I KNOW you are going forward with yours, and for his sake I hope he goes forward with his.

However this all unfolds, you are wiser and more beautiful with wonderful new beginnings awaiting you. Life is good.

Hugs

I am vicariously enjoying the new found YOU with the new do!!

hugs
ke

>>>>>>Couldn't afford to, couldn't afford not too<<<<<<<


You can ALWAYS find/afford to take care of YOU, LMN.

(You're worth it)

Well, I hope you don't mind.....but I used your credit card. :lmao

Hey LMN, can your forward Vale's credit card number to me so I can
get a new Do too?

:thanks in advance Vale ;)

It's now a sticky for all us codies. :a122:

Thanks for the laugh! I am sure Vale doesn't mind and he wants us all to ne happy doesn't he?????