anxiouswife

kind of embarrassed to even post here again, but im so sick to my stomach & desperate for some kind of peace that i'll share WHY I'm ONCE AGAIN here...

I left my husband almost 3 weeks ago. moved to my dad's house with my 3 year old daughter. who had an extremely hard time with this and voiced her opinions of being away from "her home" and "her daddy" very loudly. my husband didn't so much as blink an eye for 7 whole days. no contact.

on the 8th day, I get a message out of the blue. my ultimatum was intensive outpatient or I'm done. he resisted and said It wasn't necessary, and all of the symptoms I was seeing were in my head. THERE IS NOTHING WORSE THAN FEELING CRAZY, let me tell you. so I left. well the 8th day came with a promise of getting back to IOP. he signed up the next day and went to a meeting that night. he attended IOP every day it was held the following week, and was attending meetings before or after.

I was a little toohappy about it. my girl wanted her dad and her normalcy back so bad. i went back.

bad idea. he only went to IOP once since we've been back. no meetings.
said he has a better frame of mind now and knows whats important, that a week without us taught him more of a lesson than that place ever will.

********.

so here we are. last night, i woke up because the master bathroom light was shining in my eyes and he got out of bed. i must've fallen back asleep and woke up about 45 minutes later, the light was still on, he still wasn't back. i pushed the door open - my heart beating a million beats a minute SO TERRIFIED of what i might find.
he was leaned over, with his head on the sink, passed out cold.
i woke him and asked him what was up. he said he was sleepwalking.
he was literally sleeping standing up. how does that even happen?

i feel so dumb. he gets us back and we start this cycle over again.
i don't even want to see him today. i am scared of my emotions and what my reaction will be when he wants to talk about him sleepwalking. i don't believe him. my gut doesn't lie.

lesson learned.

suki44883

I'm sorry this happened. I wish I could say it's rare, but, unfortunately, it is very common. They will say anything to get you back into the chaos. Once you are back, all bets are off.

I know it's hard when there are children involved, but they depend on the sane parent to put their best interests first. You are the sane parent. You don't deserve to live that way and your daughter certainly doesn't.

hopeful4

I am sorry. It is just going to continue. His promises were obviously empty since he stopped going as soon as he got what he wanted.

Tight Hugs.

anxiouswife

shouldn't be stunned, right?
it is amazing the depth of this denial. he is texting my phone saying he should see a doctor for sleepwalking and maybe I always tell him he looks bad because he has some underlying deadly disease, like cancer. MAYBE ITS BECAUSE YOURE A DRUG ADDICT AND YOU DONT SLEEP.

this cycle is toxic and it literally makes me ill. trying to suck up my pride, admit I am idiot, and call my dad again. and tell him to never let me go home again, no matter what "changed" man I think im getting.

hopeful4

Don't blame yourself. You care. You want your family intact. It is nothing to be ashamed of. Reach out to your support system.

Tight Hugs.

LoveMeNow

So many of us have done the same. We grab onto any glimpse of hope and run it with it. It's truly so sad to see how much they use us, simply to protect their addiction and avoid the consequences.

I realize now...every time I got sucked back in.....I was merely feeding the beast.

Stay strong and be thankful for the lesson learned so early on. Glad to hear you have support from your Dad.