OK now I do think somethings up - help please
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OK now I do think somethings up - help please
So as I said in other threads, Hubby abused percocet on and off for almost 3 years, snorting. Habit got as bad as 60-70 dollars a day (street purchasing). Has been on suboxone since last summer and doing well.
He is taking the subs still. I see him do it. I can tell when it's time to take a sub etc and when he does I see him. I do not think he is not taking them. Here's the dilemma - I have been watching money too and 5-10 a day most days is going unaccounted for and when I ask about this or that he will say bought this, went there for lunch, etc and I have found a few times at least for sure to be lies (maybe all). This morning he's at home and texted me if I had seen his dollar coin. I said No why. And he didn't answer. And I said "I love you babe, if anything is wrong know that I'm here for you" and he flipped because I accused him.
Yes I micromanage too much. But knowing that he is still taking sub twice a day and only spending 5-10 dollars some days here and there, but could he even be DOING that would work with the sub in his system? Something is up though, I do think so.
He is taking the subs still. I see him do it. I can tell when it's time to take a sub etc and when he does I see him. I do not think he is not taking them. Here's the dilemma - I have been watching money too and 5-10 a day most days is going unaccounted for and when I ask about this or that he will say bought this, went there for lunch, etc and I have found a few times at least for sure to be lies (maybe all). This morning he's at home and texted me if I had seen his dollar coin. I said No why. And he didn't answer. And I said "I love you babe, if anything is wrong know that I'm here for you" and he flipped because I accused him.
Yes I micromanage too much. But knowing that he is still taking sub twice a day and only spending 5-10 dollars some days here and there, but could he even be DOING that would work with the sub in his system? Something is up though, I do think so.
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His increased defensiveness, his seeing old friends more, being home more because his hours at work are less for March, etc all adds up to something. Just know that I am 100% sure he is taking his sub so he isn't doing pills again but what IS he possibly doing.
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My experience with my sister, who is an opiate addict, is that people can take suboxone and also use opiates. I have heard other posters on this board say their loved ones were doing the same. I hope you find a way forward to a more peaceful place!
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OK so he could be doing a small amount on occasion while still regularly on the sub? What a stupid thing to do but I didn't know if it was even possible for it to "Do anything" for him since the subs are and have been regularly in his system for months and months and months. Bla. I won't do this again.
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Yes, I thought it was impossible, too, but then I saw a text message on my sister's phone asking her boyfriend for pain meds. I guess they can space the subs out, that it only really inhibits your ability to enjoy opiates for less than 24 hours. And some people abuse the subs, too. I was so disappointed to find this out--I had a false sense of security knowing she was taking subs.
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Yea I know he isn't abusing the subs, he takes small doses twice a day, BUT I do notice a change in him after he takes them, where even just his maintenance dose does a little "something" for him, I can tell.
I think this actually makes sense because I know whatever he is doing he isn't doing all the time, or much, at least not right now, but on occasion is probably doing a pill or two with friends even though he is on subs.
I think this actually makes sense because I know whatever he is doing he isn't doing all the time, or much, at least not right now, but on occasion is probably doing a pill or two with friends even though he is on subs.
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Behavior tells the truth always. Aside from the money are you seeing any other addictive behaviors
Now remove the defensiveness for a minute. I would be damn pissed if someone accused me of using…
Blame, everyone else the blame no matter what is going on. He accepts no responsibly for his actions, words…
Comparing out … I am not as bad as such and such.
And the all familiar horror stories, sharing bad things that happen to others daily, did you hear this one is an addict, this one got caught doing this, any bad luck stories … it is a way to divert attention off himself.
Lying, especially when you have no reason to.
Avoiding you…
Pushing you away, the first sign of guilt.
Self defeating outlook of himself or life in general.
Disappearing, an errand taking 15 minutes now take an hour or more.
Look you really won’t ever know until he tells you what is up.
Sure there are red flags in what you wrote. Is he meeting his responsibilities, on his own without constant reminders?
But to be honest on the street 5-15 bucks a day gets you 1-3 5 mg percs …Ain’t much for a party.
Not sure many have the patience to save up to pay for a script they are getting elsewhere out of pocket once a month….and in all reality it won’t last but a few days… Although sub is a great get out of wd free card.
So you see him take his sub. I gotta ask why you watch that, this is his responsibility and he is more than capable or taking it or choosing not to.
Can you use on sub yes.
Are there rules to that yes.
Is sub easy to use on, that depends on many factors, one is who the person is, how long they have been using, their drug of choice, sub dose…
Can everyone use on sub and feel high, no.
Should everyone on sub be on it, a huge no there too, for some they just upped the ante.
If you can stop for a second and view it all removing using or not using. You will gain a totally different perspective on what you want and need in this life.
Your life and sanity is not dependent on what he is or isn’t doing and never was.
You are also not doing him any favors micromanaging him. It may do you both some good to see him as a capable grown man, because he is.
Now remove the defensiveness for a minute. I would be damn pissed if someone accused me of using…
Blame, everyone else the blame no matter what is going on. He accepts no responsibly for his actions, words…
Comparing out … I am not as bad as such and such.
And the all familiar horror stories, sharing bad things that happen to others daily, did you hear this one is an addict, this one got caught doing this, any bad luck stories … it is a way to divert attention off himself.
Lying, especially when you have no reason to.
Avoiding you…
Pushing you away, the first sign of guilt.
Self defeating outlook of himself or life in general.
Disappearing, an errand taking 15 minutes now take an hour or more.
Look you really won’t ever know until he tells you what is up.
Sure there are red flags in what you wrote. Is he meeting his responsibilities, on his own without constant reminders?
But to be honest on the street 5-15 bucks a day gets you 1-3 5 mg percs …Ain’t much for a party.
Not sure many have the patience to save up to pay for a script they are getting elsewhere out of pocket once a month….and in all reality it won’t last but a few days… Although sub is a great get out of wd free card.
So you see him take his sub. I gotta ask why you watch that, this is his responsibility and he is more than capable or taking it or choosing not to.
Can you use on sub yes.
Are there rules to that yes.
Is sub easy to use on, that depends on many factors, one is who the person is, how long they have been using, their drug of choice, sub dose…
Can everyone use on sub and feel high, no.
Should everyone on sub be on it, a huge no there too, for some they just upped the ante.
If you can stop for a second and view it all removing using or not using. You will gain a totally different perspective on what you want and need in this life.
Your life and sanity is not dependent on what he is or isn’t doing and never was.
You are also not doing him any favors micromanaging him. It may do you both some good to see him as a capable grown man, because he is.
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And to explain this sub gets you high...
Sub is a drug of choice in many places, it is the first drug taken or taken early on in one's addiction where it it will get you high.
Actually if you are enough of an addict and yes while that sounds strange it is important you shouldn't feel a high. Remember sub was designed as a last resort for chronically relapsing heroin addicts, who these days ( and at least the past 10 years) are using a grade of heroin that is actually stronger than the sub itself at times when it is that fentanyl masking as heroin on the street. It was not designed in its inception for pill addicts, even if it did cross over nicely and help many, it also crossed over and it just upped one's ante.
Any time I read a story from someone who just went on sub who feels high I think sadly, omg they have no idea what hell will come because you shouldn't feel high, just ok meaning not sick, not out of your mind craving.
And suboxone is made from thebain, the speedy part of the poppy, so a lot of the energy some see and feel is because of how it should make you feel from a chemical standpoint type side effect.
Sub is a drug of choice in many places, it is the first drug taken or taken early on in one's addiction where it it will get you high.
Actually if you are enough of an addict and yes while that sounds strange it is important you shouldn't feel a high. Remember sub was designed as a last resort for chronically relapsing heroin addicts, who these days ( and at least the past 10 years) are using a grade of heroin that is actually stronger than the sub itself at times when it is that fentanyl masking as heroin on the street. It was not designed in its inception for pill addicts, even if it did cross over nicely and help many, it also crossed over and it just upped one's ante.
Any time I read a story from someone who just went on sub who feels high I think sadly, omg they have no idea what hell will come because you shouldn't feel high, just ok meaning not sick, not out of your mind craving.
And suboxone is made from thebain, the speedy part of the poppy, so a lot of the energy some see and feel is because of how it should make you feel from a chemical standpoint type side effect.
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OK full disclosure he expects me to take care of him much more than most partners would. I often am expected to fetch things for him, like get his sub out for him in the morning, lay out his clothes etc. Yes our issues go far beyond drug use / recovery. He complains that I micromanage but then basically expects me to do so anyway. It's a hard line to walk.
You're right that I am making assumptions. It's very very possible nothing is up. I'm grasping at straws in a way assuming something it up. I suppose I have never not had anxiety about drugs in the last 3 years. It's a learned behavior. If he IS doing anything you're right it's not enuogh of an amount of the street to "Get anything" out of it especially because he is on subs.
Sometimes I think he is evasive or tells little lies out of habit or just to do it and it has zero to do with drugs. But it doesn't help my psyche.
He says the sub makes him just feel "normal." I notice it making him a bit more pleasant then his usual normal. I don't think his addiction was ever completely severe enough to warrant the sub doing "nothing" for him but keeping him normal, hence why I do think there is at least a very very slight high when he takes it. At least it manifests in him being happier than usual.
You're right that I am making assumptions. It's very very possible nothing is up. I'm grasping at straws in a way assuming something it up. I suppose I have never not had anxiety about drugs in the last 3 years. It's a learned behavior. If he IS doing anything you're right it's not enuogh of an amount of the street to "Get anything" out of it especially because he is on subs.
Sometimes I think he is evasive or tells little lies out of habit or just to do it and it has zero to do with drugs. But it doesn't help my psyche.
He says the sub makes him just feel "normal." I notice it making him a bit more pleasant then his usual normal. I don't think his addiction was ever completely severe enough to warrant the sub doing "nothing" for him but keeping him normal, hence why I do think there is at least a very very slight high when he takes it. At least it manifests in him being happier than usual.
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I've been on sub and relapsed on opiates. I barely felt a thing. Sub binds with the opiate receptor while it's in your system so the opiates wash out with minimal high. So... I would stop the sub for a dose and then use... This led to a high. That is more likely than taking sub and opiates...
As I wrote that, I hoped no one would read it as info on how to use on sub. We never have to use again. Period. We will meet the same ends as so many before us. This is a dangerous disease. Suboxone has saved MANY peeps lives. IF used correctly. I had a rapid titration and it was life saving. (Went from 16mg to 1/2mg in a month and then off completely).
As I wrote that, I hoped no one would read it as info on how to use on sub. We never have to use again. Period. We will meet the same ends as so many before us. This is a dangerous disease. Suboxone has saved MANY peeps lives. IF used correctly. I had a rapid titration and it was life saving. (Went from 16mg to 1/2mg in a month and then off completely).
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If you are unhappy to begin with could you be looking for a reason to be angry with him a reason to leave ... Not that you really need one, being unhappy is good enough.
The above is me making assumptions.
As I said you won't really know, and only his behaviors will really show the truth, not if he takes his sub dose or not. But if he is taking care of his responsibilities and taking responsibility for his actions well this is what he should be doing and most in active addiction can't...
The above is me making assumptions.
As I said you won't really know, and only his behaviors will really show the truth, not if he takes his sub dose or not. But if he is taking care of his responsibilities and taking responsibility for his actions well this is what he should be doing and most in active addiction can't...
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Inciting - your assumptions may be right. I am kinda waiting for the other shoe to drop in a number of ways I think and am no longer living in the present or "trying" I may be looking for that straw the break the camels back when I don't even need it. Thanks all for your support.
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My AH is on subs too, but abuses them (takes more then recommended dose by buying from friends who are also on them). But since he's been on subs- it wasn't enough of a high so he now snorts Xanax and takes a lot of adderoll in a day ( I don't think adderrall gives a high at all but it obviously does something for him.)
Anyway my point is, just bc your AH is on Suboxine doesn't mean he's not finding other pills to use.
Anyway my point is, just bc your AH is on Suboxine doesn't mean he's not finding other pills to use.
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Your response leaves just this simple questions...
What do you want and need from this life?
While not an easy question to answer it might be one you need to really start thinking about for YOU.
Be gentle with yourself.
What do you want and need from this life?
While not an easy question to answer it might be one you need to really start thinking about for YOU.
Be gentle with yourself.
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