The Revelation....
 

I have read so much valuable information about addiction - thanks to so many of you, yet I still continued to struggle with it. The why's, the how's, the when's...the should of, would of, could of's...still boggled my mind.

But after reading this post by Lilamy ..... I finally get it!

"The addiction is stronger than most everything (definitely including a spouse's love). The addiction does not want to share its host organism with anything. It's self-perpetuating and wants it's drug and that's it. So everything an addict does serves this purpose."

When my husband was in recovery, he was such a good person. But sadly, he became the "host" again for such an evil disease. It has taken over all the good, all that was decent and I hardly know who he is know....based on his decision making.

I think I finally understand. I think I can finally accept the last few things I found very difficult to reconcile. He will stay a "host" until he decides to kick this disease's butt. Sadly, that day may never come. Nothing left to do but pray, pray, pray!!

Pray and take good care of yourself. (((HUGS)))

I second Suki.....

I have often read ...take addiction out of it, is this or that behavior acceptable? While that did make sense....I would think but I can't take addiction out of it because he is now an addict and always will be. I continued to split him in 2, the past and present, the recovering, and the active.

Today, I have changed it around to - take the person out of it, is active addiction acceptable?

The answer is no! The person I loved is now just a host. I am only dealing with that nasty, evil addiction. The visual of a satanic monster comes to mind.

Where was this 10 years ago? I feel like a "DUH!" Is in order, though I'm too busy being in awe of the statement right now. Forget the person. Addiction isn't acceptable. Thanks.

Don't be surprised if you become zero tolerant. My son has been gone more than 10 years and to this day I will not allow addiction to enter my home, to be part of my friendships or to be any part of my life except to fight it when I can through research and political donations or sharing my story when it might help someone else.

It's all around, addiction thrives today, but not in my life, not now not ever again.

LMN....keep taking care of you. You are doing an awesome job. The toughest part for me was reaching a decision.....once the decision was made.....that was 75% of the battle. It doesn't mean there isn't still hard work to be done but the toughest part is behind you.

I suspect that you'll have some good days and some bad days ahead. But hopefully the good days will feel good enough that you'll want to work hard to make each day as good as it can be.

Living in the moment, walking mindfully.......helps me tremendously.

Big hugs
ke