Kindeyes

Well.....I didn't it. I took another run at my son about going back to the SA-ARC. I should have just left it alone but I didn't.

I met with his ex-girlfriend on Saturday. She's doing some work for me--my son recommended that I use her because she's very good at her job. They are still communicating. She stated that he mentioned that he's considering going back to the SA-ARC......and it's been "haunting" me every since. So....what do I do????? Yup.....I text him to let him know that I hope he will give it careful consideration to go back.....that we love him.....and will always support his efforts toward recovery.

Just couldn't leave it alone.........back sliding..........it's so hard to see him back into that lifestyle after he was doing so well. Back to Step One....again.

Somebody slap me.

hopeful4

Give yourself a break, you will always be a mom first and always want what is best for your son. That will never ever go away.

You are such a kind person and so in tune to your own recovery, you sent a simple text, that does not mean you have negated all you have done in your own recovery.

As you would tell me, Gentle Hugs my friend!

MLJ88

Don't beat yourself up. It was just a text letting your son know that you love him- there's not a lot wrong with that. You didn't beg and plead him, you didn't scold him, you didn't get fully involved. You just sent him your love and support. As a mother myself- I cannot imagine watching my child battle this disease- you are strong.

Raider

I think letting him know you care is really ok!

chicory

We do not have to be perfect, Kindeyes.. we can never be. Be as kind to yourself as you are to others.... your son knows how much you love him, and probably noticed your 'slip', and who knows.... maybe somehow it is part of the big plan.

I remember him and you in my prayers. I believe it is going to turn out in his favor, someday soon. You are an awesome mom.

love and hugs,
chicory

Chino

I don't ever give my son unsolicited advice or nudges about anything. He's a grown man, acts like one, and expects to be treated like one, too.

I can't say I do the same for my daughter and she put her foot down last night. We were in the path of some ice storms and sent her (but not my son) a warning text about it: "Be sure to do this that and the other."

She called me after getting it and asked me to please stop sending doom and gloom texts. She said she reads, watches, and listens to the news all the time (it's true) and she's tired of being treated like she's ignorant. I told her, "ok ok OK! I love you, bye!" lol

It's certainly a process

Kindeyes

I "talk" to him occasionally.....either by text or phone.....and I usually have my act together. I understand addiction. I get it (as well as a person not afflicted can perhaps). I can be loving and detach from his addiction. He has been kind.....not hostile.....not manipulative.....keeping to himself for the most part. I think this disease has taken him away again......so very sad. And he was doing so well there for a while.......

I really do hate addiction and what it does to people. I am having trouble not feeling angry and resentful toward his biological father (who he gets high with). I know that it does more harm to me than to him (XAH) to feel any anger and resentment. I'm aware of all of that.........but intellectualizing something versus really dealing with it.......not always so easy.

I need to step it up.

Thanks for your kind words. Just having a bit of a slip in my own recovery today.......it happens. Once I ride through this, I know I'll be ok again.....it's just sometimes tough to get through these periods.

Ilovemysonjj

KE, it sounds like you shared your desire but NOT as a command or a plea. I think it is fine, you have already made it clear to your dear son that it is HIS life. Supporting his consideration of the rehab doesn't seem to be crossing the line (I still struggle with my "help" to JJ every day).

Kindeyes

Now he has texted me that he has "worms". But we know that it's probably meth bugs....so very sad. The hallucinations are scary. I'm having a particularly hard time concentrating today. baaagh (that's a little gag noise) lol.

LoveMeNow

((((Kindeyes)))))

lizwig

Oh Kindeyes. Big massive hug to you. I agree with the others....I don't believe you crossed a line. You simply supported his stated consideration of returning. There is such a fine line for us parents, and we are open to criticism any way we handle it. You didn't hand deliver a bus pass, schedule and sack lunch for the trip...You didn't ask him "are you still considering this? Here's who you need to contact...oh and I just happen to be conveniently driving to that town so I will take you, we can stop for clean socks and underwear along the way, is 15 minutes too soon for you cuz I can adjust" (some of these I've actually done, you guess which ones). Be kind to yourself. He is your son, we always hold out hope. Sending you much love today...and I'm very sorry about the follow up text as well. I think those are the hardest...knowing they are suffering. But apparently not badly enough. Xoxo

LoveMeNow

I hate this disease. I hate it more then anything I have ever hated before.

Keeping you, your son and all who love you both in my prayers!!

mayabee

Totally understand! When it seems that there is a reason for hope, a sign that some seed has been planted, it is so tempting to want to jump in and water that seed with opinions and encouragement. I've done the same thing, but as you know, that seed needs to germinate in its own time. Still, the text you sent doesn't seem like it was heavy-handed or pushy. Being the parent of an addict is so hard. It seems that we are always second-guessing ourselves. Wishing you and your son all the best.

LoveMeNow

Great posts Lizwig and Mayabee. I completely agree.

There were no threats, no ultimatums, no manipulation, no lashing out. (BTDT) Just love, concern and support from a mother. If that's wrong, I am never going to be a recovering Codie! Lol

needingabreak

(((((KINDEYES)))))
I understand your thinking that you shouldn't have texted but to me, it only sounded like positive affirmation and sending love. It's not like you suggested it yourself.
The drug addict has no idea how much WE struggle, just with different issues.
I am doing the same here and it is so darn hard. Sending you love and compassion KE. Don't be so hard on yourself!

Kindeyes

Lizwig
Yes.....I've done much of that....lol. It's so not funny but its still kind of funny in a not-so-funny way.....know what I mean?

When I was a young mother....I could never have imagined this......when we look at our sons, we see the newborn infant, the silly toddler, the active youngster, the smart/athletic teenager, the hopeful/talented young man heading off to college......never in a million years did we ever "see" a needle and the damage done in those pictures.

I know you know what I mean.......

Thank you........hugs back at ya......
ke

Ilovemysonjj

Lizwig, such pefection! I have done ALL of those things with JJ.

Ann

Hey, were you peeking in my window a few years back? Been there done that and my son stole the T shirt.

LoveMeNow

Ann

Ann

Kindeyes, you are doing just fine. You expressed your support without threats or tears...all good.