Lily1918

I always have AH on the back burner of my mind and am struggling with worry right now. I've tried journaling and I pray a lot. I've wrapped him in the proverbial blanket and given him to God sometimes several times a day.

why is this so hard? I know I'm not the only one on the forum to struggle with thoughts like
"where is the addict?"
"what are they doing? are they clean? are they safe?"

the only answer I see is the serenity prayer, but I still don't seem to have very much peace...

I don't allow myself to stalk the mailbox like I used to... but the thought is always there...

AnvilheadII

what is going on with YOU these days? often we project concerns for SELF onto others - by being once removed we then only have to focus on the fretting not the actual doing anything about it.

LoveMeNow

I hate when I give it to God, then take it back. I often have to remind myself....No, I gave that to God already. Then I get busy doing something for myself even if it's just dancing around with loud music blasting in my ears.

Twofish

Hi Lily,
I know what you mean, how do we stop caring for a loved one that we care deeply about?
It's hard to let go, isn't it?
Maybe it might be easier to watch from afar, not touching or interfering with their recovery,
but to work on our own peacefulness, just alittle bit of calm, sweet control.
Hugs to you!
TF

Chino

Worry, for me, is always tied somehow to possessiveness and personalizing. To the people, places, and things I feel possessive about and or personalize.

Goose1

God bless you Lily for sharing. I am that AH who is now 107 days into recovery. I put all of my faith and trust in God everyday, that just for today I give him and he takes my addiction and I am free. Your sharing helps me to understand what I put my wife through. My wife of 32 years has stood by me with love, cared, prayed and hoped for my change. Many times I know I made her sick with fear of the same questions you ask yourself. I am sorry and have vowed to change my life one day at a time. I feel that no matter what some of us are going through, we have a strong sense of hope. Trust God; he is the protector. 2 Samuel 22:31 “As for God, his way is perfect; the word of the LORD is tried: he is a buckler to all them that trust in him.”

Tinky

I understand exactly where you are...I go through the same things. Sometimes I get so wrapped up in the worry and "what ifs" that I lose focus on taking care of me...guess that is part of codependency...??? Keep your head up and take time for YOU...nobody will do it for us and it will make us better in the long run.

One quote on here that keeps me going is "we can not love them sober"

YouWillBe

We worry because we love them. I do believe once you LOOOOOOOVE someone you always do. Might not like them very much, but they are part of your heart. That's just my opinion, of course.

I hear ya, though. I've given it up so, so many times and then I have to ask for forgiveness when I grab it back.

zoso77

The reason why it's so hard is because usually we're not equiped with an ON/OFF switch emotionally. Our ability to care about someone is, save for some circumstances, still there. And that's not a bad thing.

But life goes on, and there are times we have to accept situations that we don't like. It's hard work, and it takes practice.

ZoSo

Firefall

This is all so true! I have begun to feel that someone CAN drive you insane. For me that now feels like a very short trip indeed. But at least I am here now and all of your pouring out is helping. Hmmm wish I understood those dynamics.

Lily1918

oh wow! thank you everyone for your support! I made this post because the prisons in AZ have been rioting a LOT this last week. AHs profile says he is safe and not involved in fighting and passing any and all UAs... I still believe that is the best place for him to be, but the violence right now leaves me terrified and worried. This feels like when my brother went to war... but without the honor or prestige that all veterans deserve.

I am doing ok. I am almost 60 days sober and working with my sponsor. I haven't been to al anon in months, just AA and NA and CR... maybe it's time...

BlueChair

No wonder your worried Lily, that would frighten me. Its good they have something online where you can check status of things while he's there. I still worry about my husband, but I feel like some worry is normal and probably even healthy in my life. I dont ever want to be emotionless. These are trying times for us both, and theres a lot of uncertainty. Im finding a lot of my worry is coming from fear, some real fears, and some I generate all on my own. Right now Im working on distinguishing between the two, understanding which fears I need to place in the hands of God, and which ones I can do something abut myself because I think he wants me to be proactive when I can.

Congratulations on your almost 60 days !!!