to confront or not...
 

I have not seen/spoken to/been in contact with my AS for two weeks. A couple days ago, he called my parents and told them he was in another state, got arrested for driving under the influence without a license, and needed them to send him $2000 for bail money. Luckily, my parents were suspicious and called me; I told them that, first, there is no truth to that story at all, and second, even if there was, they should absolutely NOT send him any money! They got a second call from someone pretending to be his lawyer, and told that person they cannot help.

I am pretty much beyond being surprised at anything he pulls, but I am still angry that he would try to swindle his 70-year-old retired grandparents out of their money. Usually I am his target...I guess since I have started sticking to my boundaries he is looking for new enablers.

I am struggling because part of me wants to send him an email telling him that I know what he did. I don't expect it to make any difference, I am not looking for any particular response from him; I just want him to know that I know. However, part of me thinks, maybe I need to stick to having no contact with him. It has been tough for me, and maybe I am just looking for an excuse to get in touch? On the other hand, I want him to know that his grandparents and I are on the same page, that we communicate, and that no one in the family is going to support him, financially or otherwise, in his current actions (addiction, dealing, fugitive).

Any thoughts from people who have been through this before?

I have just been dealing with a similar situation with my AD and my parents who live in another state--no dealing & crime, but addiction & its consequences for sure.

It is enough that you are in contact with your parents and on the same page. Keep it that way. As for what you tell your son, it probably doesn't matter. If his grandparents keep their boundaries and you keep yours, he will figure it out pretty quickly. No need to tell him you are on to his schemes. If you want to be in touch with him, maybe just text him and tell him you love him and pray for his safety and health every day. That is what I do. Where ever she is, whatever she's doing, she knows I love her. I can't control what she does or if she chooses recovery, but I do know I will always love her. That is really all I have left.

I completely understand the urge to contact him about it, though. Just let that pass through you. That is part of your journey. Loving him is all you can do now.

It is possible that it was not your son that made the call. My parents had a call purported to be from my nephew asking for money to be wired because he had been arrested because he was with some friends who had drugs. It was a complete fabrication by some scammers. My nephew has never been involved in drugs and was not in the location that the caller said he was.

If you do a search on "grandparent scams for money" you will find a number of links to news reports of such scams.

I dunno, am looking for solutions to dealing with behaviors and truthfulness too.

I agree with GardenMama, sit this one out. I am sorry you are dealing with this. But I know for me, I have to always check my motives. Sometimes, it can get pretty tricky too.

Glad to hear your parents are supporting your decisions. It hard enough with support but harder when others continues to enable.

I agree with Garden mamma. I realized that I only wanted to hear my daughters voice and found reasons to call her. But what happened every time was me getting on that roller coaster with her and it always totally zapped all of my energy and put me in a horrible mood. ,I can see today that it was not the right decision at the time. Continue no contact; I know it is difficult but it will benefit you and your son. Your explanations to him will fall on deaf ears. You are doing a great job! Hang in there. Know that others here on this site are cheering you on!:c011:

Garden Momma has wise words

My mother in law got a call supposedly from my son saying he was in Canada and had been mugged and needed money to get back to the US. He was sitting in jail at the time and could only make collect calls...it was not him. This is a common scam...as stucco recommended...Google brings up a bunch of info.

I also concur with Gardenmama and I didn't think about it being a stranger scamming....but very possible. We received a call a long time ago from an unknown female saying she was in trouble and needed money. We were a poor target because the only female we would have responded to on something like that would be our daughter who was about 12 at the time....asleep down the hall. It was a scam.

Time will reveal more....it always does.

Hugs from another Mom who understands what you're going through.
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You'd think, they would have recognized his voice...probably. Could me someone else, but suspiciously sounds like the addict.

Let it go, mom. It might make YOU feel better - most likely not - but it won't solve anything or make him any more shameful than he already feels. Be the bigger person and forget the War of Words. If he didn't immediately raise concern and the need to help in Gram and Gramps he will get the clue that they aren't a soft touch, either.

So sorry this is reaching out to other family members. That's always been our biggest concern, but thankfully - other than her siblings - our daughter has kept her extended family out of the loop.

I have this huge need to speak my frustration which only makes it worse. So have begun to journal them, seems once they are out, I feel better and can let go of all the emotion driving me. I just got a locking journal app, so just between me and myself.