LoveMeNow

Awwww, thank you (((Vale))) It really means a lot to have your support! I couldn't have done it without so many of you. Honestly!!

cynical one

You did not post sappy song lyrics did you?

One foot in front of the other, one day at a time, you're gonna be OK.

I'll PM you.

LoveMeNow

Lol, I knew you would love the lyrics.

And thank you!!

LoveMeNow

......and the texts are starting. He is so depressed, loves me so much....blah, blah blah.

I can not block him just yet as we have a couple more things to straighten out. But I sure can NOT respond!! In fact, the texts are helping me for many reasons. I have noticed the pattern, they always come in at night....when he is alone. Sorry honey, I am not the family dog that you call when your lonely or bored. And text me?? Really, a text?? SMH - He really is a coward.

I have really noticed a lot of dog like analogies lately. Lol How sad for HIM, not me!!

He has no idea that my movers are coming on Wednesday. I will be leaving shortly there after and he is clueless. I will change my number or block him when I get settled. Once I am gone, I will not engage at all. That's part of my sickness, that I must stop as well. I have started tonight. I can sit with the discomfort because I know it will pass.

LoveMeNow

Oh, oh, oh....I forget to mention!! My Aunt gave my sister and I an all expense paid cruise because she can't go now. Woo hoo.

My sister is so excited. She is saying "you are going!! You deserve it." It will be a great way to start out my new life...some fun, some laughs, some sun and some rest.

I really feel like God is giving me a sign that I am doing the right thing. In fact, I think He is saying it is about time that you get out of my way. Hence, the expression Let go and Let God. Sigh. Sorry God, but we both know I am slow learner.

Ann

I was a slow learner too, I just had to try everything and give it my all before I could finally let go and let God. God knew that...he's used to people like us, LMN, it may take us a long time to "get it" but once we have it we don't let go.

You remind me of someone, I can't quite put my finger on it...but I know you're gonna make it after all.

.

Vale

a UFO dive bombing a manic lady????????

Ann

Don't pretend you are too young to remember, Vale,

Pay him no nevermind LMG, he probably doesn't want anyone to know he was an avid fan of Mary Tyler Moore. *snork*

LoveMeNow

Lol

Funny, because I was thinking about that song the other day and I was telling my girlfriend how my Mom looked so much like her back in the day. Unfortunately, I look more like my father. Ugh.

Psssst.......I think Vale was probably a Walton's fan,

Ann

I always like MTM's apartment in that lovely house owned by Phyllis...maybe we could fix you up in something like that, LMN, and have wonderful parties like she did.

Thinking of you today and happy peaceful tomorrows. Hang in there, you're almost there.

Hugs

LoveMeNow

Oh, I loved her apartment too. But hmmmmm, who is going to be my Rhoda?

LoveMeNow

I have to say no contact is the only way......

He text me this morning - asking for a password to pay our phone bill. It was legit so I text him it. Nothing else just the password.

It was like a drug, I wanted more! I had so many things I wanted to say. I resisted the urge but I could feel my own addiction kicking in. It was such an awful feeling. I realize now how much unnecessary pain I have created for myself by simply engaging with him.

I called a friend, listened to some music, danced around.....until it passed. It's not fully gone but so much better.

Now I wonder.....was I addicted to the pain too?? Ughhhh

Chino

Endorphins are produced every time we experience pain, fear, stress. We can't become addicted to endorphins but we can become addicted to the behaviors that stimulate them.

You are a perfect example of courage

Vale

Shortly after I discovered SR I changed my phone #.
It was the signature action that defined my intention
to stop trying a rescue a burning/falling ship and save
myself.

Yes, I had some panic spasms. What if she was hurt on the
side of the road, clipped by a car? Then I remembered the
SOOOO many times I had responded to manufactured crises
only to be absolutely certain I was the butt end of a joke later
in the day at the scumhole dopehouse that was her de facto
"home".

Be proud,LMN. Some never get there. Frozen by fear and
convention, they put things off until they pass the (always
invisible) line of no return.

Reaching for that red handle/ life vest/ oxygen mask/ face curtain
is a definitive act..........saying "I will not go gently into that good night".

Courage is good to see in our friend LMN. It warms all of us.

P.S. No bashing Waltons!!!!!!!!!!!!!

LoveMeNow

I am so angry with myself!!! I took the bait today. After he text me, I engaged. What was I thinking????

I allowed him to wind me up like the energizer bunny and he just loves to watch me go. In some sick way, he gets some satisfaction knowing he can get in my head. And I let him. Wth??

The "high" felt awful. I feel like a fool and I just wasted my time and energy. Although, I am very disappointed in myself, I swear I did learn from it. It will NOT happen again!!

My girlfriend couldn't stop laughing when I told her because she knew I was already mad enough at myself so we found the humor in it. Yes friends, I spent my time today...talking and fighting with myself.

AnvilheadII

miss kitty, former poster, used to put herself on a 24 hour rule....she would not respond to a text, phone call, voice mail, or note tied to a rock for a full 24 hours. that was usually enough time to regain balance and make a well thought decision.

try not to see it as him mindf*cking you.....that already gives him too much power. if you don't SEE it as a GAME you are less likely to PLAY along.

LoveMeNow

Hmmmm. For me, knowing it's a game, lessons the chance I will play. When I see it as sincere, it's my DOC and makes it harder.

I don't want to give him any power over me again. My last text said....I am done entertaining you, I have a new life to live. Then I deleted it all because you know, if I delete it....I can pretend it didn't happen.

I have to own this one, learn from it and move on. But I have to tell you, I am not pleased with myself although my girlfriend and her SO are still laughing. They, too, have been there and done that, so they get it but see progress because I am so mad at myself for doing it.

ETA - I started off matter of factly but as it progressed, my anger did as well. He stop responding but did I??? Oh no!! I had lots to say. I should just told the lizards running around my pool deck.

AnvilheadII

Hmmmm. For me, knowing it's a game, lessons the chance I will play. When I see it as sincere, it's my DOC and makes it harder.

right and the take away there is not to SEE it as ANYTHING....don't give it ANY weight or value....just wordz. via text for pete's sake. you could hand a smart phone to a chimp and he too could probably manage to send a text with a view recognizable words.

I got an envelope one time from the IRS. assuming it contained BAD NEWS I didn't open it. just let it sit there and scare me. for days. finally I gathered myself, opened it and it was JUST a regular ole notice that had nothing to do with MY personal taxes. I gave the envelope too much power.

LoveMeNow

What I can't never seem to understand......if some one is drinking, I would never waste me time talking to them. Yet, with pills, I have a hard time wrapping my head around it?? I don't know why. So I am going to always pretend he is drunk, so I know better!! Lol

Twofish

Hi LMN...
Can I go on that cruise with you and your sister...? That sounds like what I need right now too!