Kids and rehab centers???
 

My stepsons have a heroin addicted mother. She was in and out of jail last year, in and out of outpatient rehab, suboxon clinics..etc. We were able to shield them from most of that (they don't expect her to be around so they really didn't miss her). She got out of jail in September, used again in early Dec and spent the next 3 weeks in jail, missing another Christmas and another birthday for our youngest. She hasn't been present for any birthdays for him, and he doesn't really know who she is. Because she broke parole in Dec by using the court ordered her into a 30 day inpatient rehab, strict rules etc...This Saturday is family day, and we are court ordered to allow her mother to take the boys to visit. I am not happy about this. Not because I think she will be a mess, and I know they have seen her at her worst, but because of the atmosphere and the other people in there. Does anyone have any experience with this that can give me insight, maybe ease my mind a little?

When my AH was in rehab we did not go for family day by his request, however he did say there were alot of nice families there, kids playing, etc. He said it was almost strange because it was like that.

I think they will be ok, I am sure they are stronger than you think!

God Bless!

Family time at my rehab was very relaxed and pleasant for the families. There were movies, games, basketball, a walking track, horse shoes. I never had any visitors because I was so far away, but during family time, I stayed i stayed in my room and let them a
L have the common areas to visit.

What are the ages of the children?
Is this a mostly court-mandated facility?
Have you checked into challenging the court order?

Totally different situation but my father went into rehab when I was 4-5. I remember going to family day and playing with legos with other kids. It was pretty fun and I got to see my dad.

I took my grandson to see his father in rehab twice. It was nice. They played and both were closely supervised (by me and my husband). The atmosphere was cheerful and relaxed. We walked....they kicked around a soccer ball. It was about the most "normal" time they had together as father and son.

That was my experience.

gentle hugs
ke

The boys are 4 and 5. We fought the previous court order when she was in jail and we lost that. Well, we sort of lost, they wanted weekly visits in jail through glass, we won that it would be biweekly and only if the family room was available. I hope it's a good experience for them all. Thanks guys, I do feel a little better about it knowing others have gone down this crazy windy and confusing road.

Penny I know it must be scary for you as I can see how much you love your boys. I hope the visit goes well for them...and they bring back only fond memories!

We dont have kids, but when my husband was in rehab they allowed people to visit any day between certain hours. There were usually kids there running around and playing. I hope it goes ok for you guys.

I don't have kids, but I was once in the position to take a very special little 6 year old soul to rehab family day to see her opiate addicted single mom.

Like the others said, there were other kids, a playground and toys - the atmosphere seemed friendly and relaxed.

Once there, the little one loved the playground and connected with the other kids immediately while her mom and I hung out on a bench before the mom would join her daughter to play.

I had seen the 2 of them together before - mostly in situations when the mom was under the influence and the little girl was trying to mother her mother.
This was the first time to me, that the girl could be a child in the presence of her mom, and the mom could actually enjoy being a mother.

The mom relapsed, but the day remains a very fond memory for her daugher that we still talk about.

Thank you, that's a very good point. The boys will be able to play with their Mom and enjoy her company. I'm going to try and look at it like that

Good Luck tomorrow Penny. I hope the visit goes ok for everyone. I used to take my son to visit his dad when he was in rehab, but it was much different situation because he was only an infant. I do feel like my husband benefited from seeing his son, he wanted to spend time with him, it helped him think about the future and who he wanted to be, and I was also happy to see them together. Fingers crossed it all goes well for their visit.

So, the boys came home last night after visiting their mother. It wasn't a big deal to them. The younger one was just happy to be home and the older one said ti was nice to see his Mom but he was glad to be back with us. I guess I made a bigger deal about it in my head than it was going to be.....So that's good

For folks who may track along later -- It all varies WIDELY by the various Rehab Centers.

So you sort of have to check them out.

The Rehab where Mrs. Hammer went had nothing for our family -- pretty bad in that regard . . . but the Rehab near us, where I help do the Alanon Family portion (a "help others" thing for me), runs a Real Nice family program twice a month, and even some special program once a month -- Just For The Kids.

When your step sons get a little older maybe look into Alateen for them. In general, Alateen is for 9 to 19 year olds, depending on location. It was/is VERY helpful for our two oldest kids. (now 11, 9, and a we will see about the 6 year old when he gets older).

Yes, I kind of thought the visit would reinforce the warmth and happiness they find at home. Let me just tell you a little bit of my life story. I was adopted as an infant. When I was about 27 years old, I found my birth parents. I was reunited for the first time. Although I was happy to finely get to know who my birthparents were, I found out that they were alcoholics. The environment I would have been raised in would have been pretty bad. The reunion actually reinforced my appreciation for my adoptive parents and the home I was raised in. I'm sure visiting their mom gave them a glimpse of what life could have been like. Probably what you saw was their relief that they live with you instead.

I am grateful it went fine!

It's sad, on Sunday neither boy even mentioned their mom. Normally, children this age who haven't seen a parent in a while would miss them the day after seeing them again. Not so for these boys. She really is just someone who floats in and out of their lives....they have no respect for her or expectations. I'm thankful my family and my husbands are able to fill the voids left by their biological mothers family. I am just praying as they get older it doesn't get worse for them (but it probably will). This forum is a life saver, a sanity saver and a great place. So glad I found you guys

I think the fact that they are not mentioning her, missing her, or thinking too much about her is a sign of health. That they have identified with you two as being their "real" parents. That they are secure in knowing you two will love and care for them..won't abandon them and will be there for them. Honestly, IMO DNA does not make a parent. A parent is the one who loves, cares, and provides a secure home environment for a child. A parent is the one who wakes-up at night, sacrificing his/her own sleep to care for a sick child. The one who works hard and supports a child, makes sure he/ she has nutritious meals, warm clothes and a roof over their head. The one who guides the child and teaches him/her the difference between right and wrong....nurtures the child's spirituality, makes sure the child is well educated. All the while providing love and stability in their life. This is the huge difference between their bio mom and you. You are there for them and she is not....and they know that.:)

Glad it went well! One day at a time my friend!