Solutions
Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: WI
Posts: 1,426
Hi Morning Glory, Thank you for this thread, it meant a lot to me and how my life has changed since I found out that my daughters ARE addicts.
I came here, and was so very discouraged, I wasn't doing this or I wasn't doing that or I should be going to this meeting or that group or that therapist. My head was spinning and my heart was breaking. All I was looking for was someone to tell me that I wasn't alone and the beast wasn't my fault. That's all, I'm just a mom, trapped and tortured by the addiction that has taken over my little world.
Your post may give me the courage to come back in the light, to start talking to other members publicly without the fear of offending or upsetting anyone.
I look forward to the new positive support, that once I thought about it, was always here.
I truly have missed everyone.
TF
I came here, and was so very discouraged, I wasn't doing this or I wasn't doing that or I should be going to this meeting or that group or that therapist. My head was spinning and my heart was breaking. All I was looking for was someone to tell me that I wasn't alone and the beast wasn't my fault. That's all, I'm just a mom, trapped and tortured by the addiction that has taken over my little world.
Your post may give me the courage to come back in the light, to start talking to other members publicly without the fear of offending or upsetting anyone.
I look forward to the new positive support, that once I thought about it, was always here.
I truly have missed everyone.
TF
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Dallas TX
Posts: 2,282
What if you ran a stop sign in the middle of nowhere?
What if at that exact instant someone else came through that
same intersection and tee'ed you at 60mph?
You would feel shock & fear the likes of which you have
NEVER felt before...... since your arrival on the planet xx years ago
(assuming you lived through the impact). Terrified beyond all
reason, you are in no condition to remember your own name
(let alone anything else)
With that in mind,let me pose a few questions.....
When the EMTs show up and you ask them if the rest of your family is
OK.....did they just say "nope,all dead, you lost them all and are
alone forever".
When you get loaded into a $10mil helicopter to get your butt
to the nearest trauma center inside the "golden hour" and you ask the flight
nurse "am I going to be ok?" did he/she say "nope, were just going through
the motions 'cuz it's SOP......you're pretty much screwed!"
Of course not. It would be ludicrous. If it ever DID happen, said
professionals would be unemployed.......public policy would DEMAND IT.
Not to mention any professional worthy of the title would do everything
in their power to keep you out of shock.It is their duty.
Are we any different? What is to be gained by immediately and with
great fervor telling someone to "dump the loser today----or YOU are a total
loser!!!!!"
That is not what the "golden hour" (or golden post) is for. It is for
establishing a safe place, a cocoon if you will, a place where their suffering
is understood,empathized with and never, EVER made light of.
(e.g. no "calling them out" when they do not IMMEDIATELY do
what YOU think they SHOULD)
It IS a virtual world, agreed. But how virtual is it if some forlorn soul
in some backwater middle of nowhere decides to end it all because some
self-appointed 'reality cop wolfpack' decides to smash their face in at first
contact?
The moderators here do a good job of troll suppression......those
nobodies who take pleasure in hurting people because their lives are so
empty......but we each individually must take responsibility to first do no
harm.
If newbies sense threat,ridicule,or attack.....they're OUTTA HERE.
(perhaps never to return)
What possible good could come from that? The ONLY appropriate first
message to those in crisis is:
" ......YOU ARE SAFE HERE."
What if at that exact instant someone else came through that
same intersection and tee'ed you at 60mph?
You would feel shock & fear the likes of which you have
NEVER felt before...... since your arrival on the planet xx years ago
(assuming you lived through the impact). Terrified beyond all
reason, you are in no condition to remember your own name
(let alone anything else)
With that in mind,let me pose a few questions.....
When the EMTs show up and you ask them if the rest of your family is
OK.....did they just say "nope,all dead, you lost them all and are
alone forever".
When you get loaded into a $10mil helicopter to get your butt
to the nearest trauma center inside the "golden hour" and you ask the flight
nurse "am I going to be ok?" did he/she say "nope, were just going through
the motions 'cuz it's SOP......you're pretty much screwed!"
Of course not. It would be ludicrous. If it ever DID happen, said
professionals would be unemployed.......public policy would DEMAND IT.
Not to mention any professional worthy of the title would do everything
in their power to keep you out of shock.It is their duty.
Are we any different? What is to be gained by immediately and with
great fervor telling someone to "dump the loser today----or YOU are a total
loser!!!!!"
That is not what the "golden hour" (or golden post) is for. It is for
establishing a safe place, a cocoon if you will, a place where their suffering
is understood,empathized with and never, EVER made light of.
(e.g. no "calling them out" when they do not IMMEDIATELY do
what YOU think they SHOULD)
It IS a virtual world, agreed. But how virtual is it if some forlorn soul
in some backwater middle of nowhere decides to end it all because some
self-appointed 'reality cop wolfpack' decides to smash their face in at first
contact?
The moderators here do a good job of troll suppression......those
nobodies who take pleasure in hurting people because their lives are so
empty......but we each individually must take responsibility to first do no
harm.
If newbies sense threat,ridicule,or attack.....they're OUTTA HERE.
(perhaps never to return)
What possible good could come from that? The ONLY appropriate first
message to those in crisis is:
" ......YOU ARE SAFE HERE."
Reach Out and Touch Faith
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: On a Sailboat
Posts: 3,871
Beautiful post. I originally came to SR for my mother, only later did I acknowledge my own addiction.
It turns out my mother had Huntington's Disease. As the brain breaks down so does inhibition. My mothers addiction actually was caused by her nervous system deteriorating. Every case here is different.
MG, thanks for pointing that out.
It turns out my mother had Huntington's Disease. As the brain breaks down so does inhibition. My mothers addiction actually was caused by her nervous system deteriorating. Every case here is different.
MG, thanks for pointing that out.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2009
Posts: 864
Simply put the solution I have always found is in the same place … within.
Anything else is a distraction.
If people leave just because they don’t get a response they were looking for that is on them, not the respondents.
Personally I am here for me, and no one but me. I am still teachable, and willing to learn. I hear that is a good thing and I need to be grateful there. I honestly could care less if anyone else finds life again, the only person I needed to make sure did that was me. That may seem selfish but in the mix of it all I offered myself nothing stuck in the dysfunction and my children nothing passing it on.
Anything else is a distraction.
If people leave just because they don’t get a response they were looking for that is on them, not the respondents.
Personally I am here for me, and no one but me. I am still teachable, and willing to learn. I hear that is a good thing and I need to be grateful there. I honestly could care less if anyone else finds life again, the only person I needed to make sure did that was me. That may seem selfish but in the mix of it all I offered myself nothing stuck in the dysfunction and my children nothing passing it on.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Dallas TX
Posts: 2,282
I thank a lot of posts. To me it is an acknowlegement
that I read it. I've seen a lot of good material sit there
for days without so much as a single acknowlegement
that anyone has so much as read it.
If someone has taken the time to compose, I'm
going to take the time to recognize that effort.
People see things differently. If Ann's kitchen is
a mess , cheesecake crumbs all over the floor?
Vale was there. Same with my thanks. They're like
racoon footprints......you see them and the trash
container on it's side and garbage everywhere....
the story tells itself.
(you don't have to spot racoons to know they were there)
that I read it. I've seen a lot of good material sit there
for days without so much as a single acknowlegement
that anyone has so much as read it.
If someone has taken the time to compose, I'm
going to take the time to recognize that effort.
People see things differently. If Ann's kitchen is
a mess , cheesecake crumbs all over the floor?
Vale was there. Same with my thanks. They're like
racoon footprints......you see them and the trash
container on it's side and garbage everywhere....
the story tells itself.
(you don't have to spot racoons to know they were there)
Last edited by Ann; 02-27-2014 at 02:15 PM. Reason: like became "thank"
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