penny9175

I'm learning how to live with someone who relapsed....such a big part of me wants to pretend it didn't happen. The other part of me wants to bring it up all the time so he doesn't forget. When we laugh, I feel like I need to tell him I'm still angry. He knows, I don't have to say it. I see it in his eyes.
This is such an uncomfortable place to be. I want my happy home back - I want the evenings spent laughing with the kids, cleaning after dinner, cooking together without tension....UGH!!!!

AnvilheadII

if you give yourself and him time, (and he if keeps his @ss clean) those things will certainly reappear.....or appear in a new form. addiction DOES change things....it just does. and your feelings are totally normal given the circumstances!!! you want to click your heels and go back to Kansas WHILE you also want a damn house to fall on him!

some support for you would be very beneficial.....some place you can go in real life with like minded others who know what you are going thru. ...if that's possible with your schedule etc. there is nothing that quite compares to being in the "atmosphere of recovery."

Ann

Anvil has a good point and maybe taking time away from your situation for a while would help. Have you thought about meetings in your area? Or counseling for yourself?

Your feelings are valid, it will take time to work through them and it helps if you surround yourself with support.

Hugs

penny9175

The nearest al-anon meeting is 3 towns away, an hour drive each way. I'm looking for closer meetings, but that may have to do. I also have contacted a counselor for us. He knows when his meetings are and is working - he knows what he has to do for the family to be OK. He says he committed, and so far so good (only a week). I'm watching his behavior very closely. He hates it, which I expected, but he appreciates it too, which I wasn't expecting.
It's an ugly elephant in our room, while at the same time I'm altering my behavior when the kids are around. All they know is we had a disagreement. Right now, that's all they need to know. He said he made a mistake, and that he's sorry and that I am upset with him.
I'm glad he is being honest - I sure hope it lasts.
Thanks all!!

hopeful4

I can totally relate to this. While my AH has resolved himself that he will have to be under my scrutiny until I believe in him, it was a condition and boundary for me. He has resolved to himself that he cannot drink if he want to continue on in our family. That was a boundary for me too. It was boundaries FOR ME because I am willing to divorce based on these things and he knows it. However, now he is unhappy and does not really know what to do with himself. His doctor just told him today he needs to do more things that bring him joy...I don't know that those things exist to be honest.

It's so hard when you want back what you once had. I am just stepping back and letting him do his thing and I am doing mine. I don't think it will stick because he is not doing this for himself, and I am analyzing and planning appropriately. Until then all I can do is pray for him, which I do. I still find time to enjoy myself and my own life, and I have made that a committment to myself.

God Bless!

eggdogg1234

My ex and I had such a great emotional dance it never stopped even long after divorce and fallout. If she was happy I was nervous. If she was sad I was helpful and caring until she was happy again and then I would get nervous again. If she was mad I was happy. If I was mad she was sad. If I was curious she was withdrawn. Its a dance that is incredibly draining when participating and downright absurd when viewing from far away. I wish you luck. If and only if he stays clean will everything else begin to work itself out. Sometimes ice cream helps.

penny9175

Prescription - ice cream. I like that