Update: Loperamide addicted husband, how to help from afar?

Old 02-20-2014, 06:56 PM
  # 1 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: usa
Posts: 19
Update: Loperamide addicted husband, how to help from afar?

So I posted awhile back about my AH abusing loperamide (Imodium) anti diarrhea pills. Apparently, its told to addicts to use loperamide to help with withdrawals from opiates, but it is highly addictive and an opioid itself. Just doesnt do much when u take as directed. But when u take a large amount, YES it can be abused and addictive and hell to come off of based on the research Ive done. So, YES, it is true, the suspicions were true, after I saw all the charges at Walgreens, almost $1000 a month, and his history of pain pill abuse for last 2 years had me aware of signs. Long story short, after many clogged toilets, mood changes, and just damn well knowing something isn't right, I found out the truth, A $50 a day habit (400 pills purchased a day). Well, luckily, I guess for me anyway, he flipped out and we had a domestic dispute a few weeks ago (before my proof was found about the loperamide) and he was arrested and a protective order issued in my favor. I had the order continued and he is not allowed in our house for a year. Partly bc he needs to learn a lesson, and mostly bc I just need peace in my home without addiction and he wouldn't leave on his own, not with a $50 a day habit he couldn't afford to! And domestic disputes have gotten progressively worse over the last 3 years, usually beginning with his mood and anger due to me accusing him of pills or lying or whatever rubs him the wrong way. So after he was safely out of the house, and I gathered my proof, I emailed and confronted him. I told him I knew what he was doing (even though he denied and denied before) and he responds with "help me". I told him I cant that he has to help himself. I have tried and its not my battle to fight. I don't want our 5 year old around it or exposed to domestic violence any longer. Of course he acts like the victim, I wanted him arrested blah blah, but I told him its all HIS doing. I felt strong but now I feel myself feeling sorry and he keeps saying he cant do it alone, etc, he needs help. Ive emailed him resources and stuff to help himself. How do you help from a distance without being codependent enabling or stupidly falling into the addict trap of lies manipulation and pity party??? I told him as long as hes actively using he will not be allowed in the house (I will not drop the protective order) due to his unpredictable behavior, and he has been sleeping in his truck (supposedly) at rest stop for 3 weeks...Its so hard to watch someone u love fall on their face, and act so pathetic, not try to help themselves and put it on you as if im the problem. The distance has been peaceful to say the least but I truly worry about him going crazy, suicidal (he has in past), and possibly overdosing or causing serious damage (organ or even worse, heart failure). I know he is not my child. I feel so helpless.
liarswife is offline  
Old 02-20-2014, 08:00 PM
  # 2 (permalink)  
Member
 
Chino's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: In a good place
Posts: 4,482
Originally Posted by liarswife View Post
How do you help from a distance
You don't. Not with a protective order in place. It's entirely possible you've nullified the PO by initiating contact with him.
Chino is offline  
Old 02-20-2014, 08:08 PM
  # 3 (permalink)  
●▬๑۩۩๑▬●
 
cynical one's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 1,405
Just wondering if he also uses OTC Prilosec for indigestion/heartburn?
cynical one is offline  
Old 02-20-2014, 08:48 PM
  # 4 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: usa
Posts: 19
The judge actually told me I can contact him without getting in trouble bc the protective order is for HIM to not contact me. It does state we can email regarding setting up visitation for our child, and that's how the conversation started bc I stated I didn't want him driving around with our son while high, etc...Either way Im no concerned about it bc there is nothing threatening and I had to say what I had to say, cannot go a YEAR without bringing the truth out and avoiding visitation as we will be back in court for custody and support next month.
liarswife is offline  
Old 02-20-2014, 08:52 PM
  # 5 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: usa
Posts: 19
Originally Posted by cynical one View Post
Just wondering if he also uses OTC Prilosec for indigestion/heartburn?
He has used heartburn meds in past but not enough to warrant a discussion. The loperamide alone is the MAIN issue. He says he thought he found a cure for the pain pill issue but it has turned out to be worse...and he doesn't know what to do. I told him he does know what to do WHEN he is ready, and provided him with resources and suggestions but left it entirely in his hands despite his pleas for help from me. Not trying to get sucked back into the manipulative addict game. Played it too many times and I am in a peaceful place, but definitely worried about him accidentally ODing. So I gave him the links to sites to research it since he prob has NO IDEA as most people don't even know about Imodium addiction.
liarswife is offline  
Old 02-21-2014, 03:44 AM
  # 6 (permalink)  
Member
 
atalose's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2006
Posts: 5,103
You said he's sleeping in his truck at rest stops, do you really think he's going to utilize the internet to look up links you provided to him regarding something he denies.

When we provide them with books, resources, meeting times/days, rehab phone #'s, therapists we are still trying to control something we are not fully accepting we have no control over.

From experience let me share something with you. My ex had a pain pill addiction, he went to rehab, meetings, counseling, sponsor etc and became clean and sober. Life than became great for us.

Slowly he developed a habit of using benzos. Me in my wise and ever loving Codie behavior began to express my knowledge of his (new) addiction. Looked up all kinds of information about benzos and replacing one substance with another. As its said, if you have to say it more then once your nagging and he certainly let me know that he was tired of my nagging.

Ever time he made an appointment with a new doctor, scammed them for a prescription and then drove to the pharmacy.......he knew he had a problem, YET kept choosing that path. No books, Internet links were going to make a difference.

Every time your husband drove himself to Walgreens and purchased 400 pills daily of over the counter medication, he knew he had a problem.....it's not normal behavior.

What I'm trying to get at is, just because WE have discovered it, WE have learned about it and schooled ourselves about THEIR addictions doesn't change a dam thing for them. They knew long before we did that it was a problem.

Focus on the custody issues you are facing and what is acceptable to you regarding that and leave HIS addiction issues, treatment up to him, you've said what you felt you needed to say, you don't need to say it any more. The restraining order states, communication is allowed to discuss child visitation issues, period.
atalose is offline  
Old 02-21-2014, 04:46 AM
  # 7 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: UK
Posts: 2,937
What sort of side effects does he have from taking that much Imodium?

Am I wrong in thinking he will struggle to go to the toilet and suffer agonising stomach pains?
Imodium is not a nice drug when used correctly anyway.
I can;t imagine how he functions when taking that much.

I wish you and your family the best xx
Sasha4 is offline  
Old 02-21-2014, 07:03 AM
  # 8 (permalink)  
Member
 
hopeful4's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 13,560
Hello. I remember your post about this. Wow, alot has happened. I am so sorry. The thing is, he is a grown adult. If he is sleeping in his truck it is by choice. I see some manipulation in what he is doing. Until people learn to help themselves some it never works. You have a dear child to look after. I think you put the protection order in place for completely different issues than HIS Immodium abuse. I don't see you focusing on that at all, and it alarms me. You deserve more and so does your child.

Hugs and God Bless. Stay safe.
hopeful4 is offline  
Old 02-21-2014, 07:52 AM
  # 9 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: usa
Posts: 19
Just to clarify the protective order was put bc he has a domestic abuse charge now, and his violent outbursts have escalated MOSTLY DUE TO HIS ABUSE OF PILLS. It happened to be the police who pressed charges this time, not me, although I had tried before without results. I took the opportunity and went with it. Clarity came to mind with space and no contact, not being manipulated into being blamed and told I was the problem etc. Im not sure what you believe the reason to be for me putting the order in place but this is what it is.
I extended the order to have peace in my home and for my child. He is an adult a grown ass man. He chooses to keep using, and that's his choice just like it is my choice to not want to be a part of it or around it. I warned him before. I kicked him out the house last year for 4 months when he was still in pain pills and lying to my face. It is the natural consequence of using. He doesn't get to do whatever he wants and ruin my life and my childs life bc he refuses to get real help. And his manipulation of trying to ask me for help is over too. I have grown a tough skin to it, that's why I gave him the info (which he probly cant even think clearly to get on his own right now) and told him it was his battle to fight alone. I cant help him. He keeps trying to say he cant do it. he needs my help. well, the time for that is passed. I must step back and let him fall as hard as he chooses to. I must maintain my sanity for my self and my child. all my friends and family back me on everything thus far. his family is a diff story, a bunch of enablers and blaming me too for his addiction!! I told them what I thought about that. It just really sucks to see someone ruin their life and not even have the will to fight, even for their child. just give up. I guess I don't understand bc I don't have an addiction, or an addictive personality. and honestly I don't wanna deal with it my entire life married to an addiction. by the way, he bought 400 more pills today, I see he is really NOT ready for anything right now. but I will not be waiting either.
liarswife is offline  
Old 02-21-2014, 08:07 AM
  # 10 (permalink)  
Member
 
hopeful4's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 13,560
I am sorry, I did not mean to be disrespectful at all. I am alarmed that there is domestic abuse and that the pills are an excuse. I see many people here are SR that because their partner is an addict think it is ok to accept domestic abuse in their life. That is all I meant, that you don't deserve that.

I am so glad you have the order in place and that you have had the strength to do what is right for both you and your dear child. I know it is so hard when the family enables, the frustration is amazing to watch that happen. I don't have addiction either and even though I am educated about it I don't think my mind will ever really wrap around it. To watch those we love destroy their own lives is devestating.

I am sorry again if my post was disrespecful in any way. You deserve the best!

Have a blessed weekend!
hopeful4 is offline  
Old 02-21-2014, 08:19 AM
  # 11 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: usa
Posts: 19
Originally Posted by hopeful4 View Post
I am sorry, I did not mean to be disrespectful at all. I am alarmed that there is domestic abuse and that the pills are an excuse. I see many people here are SR that because their partner is an addict think it is ok to accept domestic abuse in their life. That is all I meant, that you don't deserve that.

I am so glad you have the order in place and that you have had the strength to do what is right for both you and your dear child. I know it is so hard when the family enables, the frustration is amazing to watch that happen. I don't have addiction either and even though I am educated about it I don't think my mind will ever really wrap around it. To watch those we love destroy their own lives is devestating.

I am sorry again if my post was disrespecful in any way. You deserve the best!

Have a blessed weekend!
Thanks for your support, I just wanted to clarify why the protection order was in place. Obviously the judge felt there was an issue or he wouldn't have continued it. Funny bc my AH acted out IN COURT so judge saw first hand his temper and how it can escalate. I feel it is directly related to a change in his demeanor bc domestic abuse didn't start until he started pain pills 3 years ago. It usually relates to me accusing or questioning about money, or why he is coming home after midnite, or why is he falling asleep etc. It seems everytime I was on to him and his lies and addiction, he would use the "distraction dance" (as I coined it) to distract and become angry to scare me into shutting up or backing off. As far as ever being able to wrap my mind around addiction, I am in the same boat with you. I have read educated myself and logically understand what is going on. I cannot truly empathize though bc I have never felt that out of control over anything. I wish him well and it will be a struggle for me to know he is out there hurting and ruining his life, but after 3 years I have begun to see that there is nothing I can do to make him stop. I cant love him enough I cant beg him I cant force him. He has to want it and do it for himself. I just hope he doesn't end up one of the ones who dies from this. its hard to know how someone used to be and how they are now, and be completely helpless.
liarswife is offline  
Old 02-21-2014, 08:28 AM
  # 12 (permalink)  
Member
 
hopeful4's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 13,560
Wow...normally they snap into well behavior in front of police or a judge. That does show it is in escallation.

I hope you have a peaceful weekend!
hopeful4 is offline  
Old 02-21-2014, 11:49 AM
  # 13 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: usa
Posts: 19
How do I respond to someone saying they're scared and they don't know what to do?? That they want to stop but cant, I feel like its just ********, if someone wants to stop they will do everything they can to stop when they are ready. They will at least try. Or does that not apply to addiction?
liarswife is offline  
Old 02-21-2014, 12:03 PM
  # 14 (permalink)  
Member
 
Hawkeye13's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2013
Posts: 11,371
Originally Posted by liarswife View Post
How do I respond to someone saying they're scared and they don't know what to do?? That they want to stop but cant, I feel like its just ********, if someone wants to stop they will do everything they can to stop when they are ready. They will at least try. Or does that not apply to addiction?
As a former alcoholic myself, I think you are right from my experience.

Nothing my husband said or did was going to stop my drinking until I chose to stop it. I had to take charge. So I did.
Many addicts need to not have things handed to them but to "earn" them. If the thing we understand as sobriety matters to him
he will seek it with everything he has. If, however, he can get you to buy into helping him / returning to the status quo, he may never
get clean.

You've made the right response--"It is up to you to get clean--I can't do it for you."
He must choose to stop or choose not to--it is truly out of your hands at this point.

You have a child to worry about. Your husband is an adult.
You have to take care of yourself, maintain a safe home, and keep sane and well not just for yourself but for your child's sake.

That trumps everything.

Hold the line and ((((hugs)))) in this difficult time.
Hawkeye13 is offline  
Old 02-21-2014, 12:07 PM
  # 15 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2013
Posts: 845
LW, it sounds like he is pretty good at tugging your heart strings. It's understandable that you feel badly for him; you had a big emotional investment in your relationship. But it also sounds like you know that there is nothing you can do to help him, that he has to choose help for himself. So maybe it would help you to stop giving him access to your heart strings? There are ways to make contact as minimal as possible, or even go no contact, considering that he is such a threat to you that the police took action to protect you and you now have a PO in place. It doesn't sound like he is in any shape to visit his child. From where I'm standing it looks like you can stop talking to him about his recovery anytime you choose. Good luck! I know this must be very painful.
jjj111 is offline  
Old 02-21-2014, 12:26 PM
  # 16 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: usa
Posts: 19
Originally Posted by jjj111 View Post
LW, it sounds like he is pretty good at tugging your heart strings. It's understandable that you feel badly for him; you had a big emotional investment in your relationship. But it also sounds like you know that there is nothing you can do to help him, that he has to choose help for himself. So maybe it would help you to stop giving him access to your heart strings? There are ways to make contact as minimal as possible, or even go no contact, considering that he is such a threat to you that the police took action to protect you and you now have a PO in place. It doesn't sound like he is in any shape to visit his child. From where I'm standing it looks like you can stop talking to him about his recovery anytime you choose. Good luck! I know this must be very painful.
He is. Thanks for reminding me so I can be aware.
liarswife is offline  
Old 02-21-2014, 01:50 PM
  # 17 (permalink)  
Member
 
hopeful4's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 13,560
I would also like to thank you for sharing the info you have. I have never ever heard of this at all and it always helps to know what to look for.

God Bless. Have a peaceful weekend.
hopeful4 is offline  
Old 02-21-2014, 02:07 PM
  # 18 (permalink)  
Member
 
cleaninLI's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 4,966
Lairswife this is such a shame. I hate to think what damage he is doing to his digestive track. You've already done all that you can do for him, now he has to decide if he wants to continue living out of his car, swallowing huge amounts of this drug or pick himself up and reach out for help, find a program or meetings. His choices....his consequences. I know it's not easy. He seems to be in complete denial, doesn't think spending $400 a day in Imodium tabs is a huge problem then there isn't anything you can say or do to open his eyes.

I think going on with your life, taking care of yourself and your son, are the best you can do under the circumstances. Keep reading and posting and know that you are not alone.
cleaninLI is offline  
Old 02-22-2014, 06:48 AM
  # 19 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: TX
Posts: 731
You sound like you are strong and doing the right thing.

It's so difficult to listen to the desperate pleas, in their voice, saying how "hungry, tired, in pain, lonely, etc." I have heard it from my young adult children. I also have a husband in recovery.

They are desperate! I can only imagine. Addiction is a lonely, dark place.

I have many meetings, that I have attended with my husband this year. It helped me listen to the voice of addiction and addiction in recovery. Most addicts will say...it's the desperation that helped them get into recovery.

Once I heard them say how desperation was a catalyst for change. I know I was doing and did the right thing regarding letting go.

I wish you strength and peace.
Txhelp is offline  
Old 02-22-2014, 08:46 AM
  # 20 (permalink)  
Member
 
penny9175's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: Derry
Posts: 45
Liarswife, I feel like we are one in the same.. thank you so much for sharing your story and for continuing to protect your child. You're right, they are grown ass men and it's time they stopped acting like spoiled toddlers. You can't always have what you want, end of story. If you have children you have to stop being an ass and putting yourself first and realize it'st time to be responsible. I also don't understand how someone can look at a pill, completely sober and choose to take it knowing that it could/will destroy the loved ones around them. They have to be sober before the first pill of relapse right? So they consciously make the decision to destroy and hurt everyone around them, they make that decision to ruin their sobriety and cause turmoil in their lives. If I choose to spend $1000 at the mall knowing I won't be able to make my bills or buy groceries, no one is going to say awwww poor girl she's an addict. No, they are going to say idiot, return the crap and pay your bills/feed your kids. Why shouldn't the same be said to someone who drops $1000 on pills?
Also, I had no idea until today that prilosec and imodium are bad for opiate addicts. THANK YOU for that information. Please know you're not alone and I totally agree with your stance on this.
penny9175 is offline  

Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off




All times are GMT -7. The time now is 01:14 AM.