Addict brother - domestic violence and suicide threats. No help from cops
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Join Date: Feb 2014
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Addict brother - domestic violence and suicide threats. No help from cops
I have a younger brother (18) who is addicted to marijuana and xanax pills. That's not the only worst part. He has depression he's not taking meds for treatment, a bad temperament and blows up with outbursts on my mother, abusing her emotionally and verbally. This started early last year. He forces my mom to give him money to buy drugs. If she refuses or does something that he doesn't like (got the wrong food take out, moved certain things around), he would unleash his wrath on her, lecturing her on how unfit mother she is, she deserves to die, makes her look at him when he shouts at her face. When she tries to explain, he stops her and repeats "why are you always interrupting me?" over and over. This would last 1-2 hours. Last weekend when I went out of town, it lasted 5 hours. My mom is a petite woman in her 50s with a weak health. Cops were called by me and the neighbors in the past before but they downplayed the situation. My brother was never arrested. Sure he calmed down for the day, but he had outbursts later on. The strangest part is after a few hours or the next day, he would talk in a normal tone like nothing happened.
In the past, he had used suicide threats to make her skip work and a way to "punish her" for "interrupting him" or not following his instructions. My mom had abide him in order to not trigger his outbursts. She is afraid of him when I'm not around. At the same time she didn't call the cops due to language barrier and most importantly, to protect her son from getting arrested. When I had stepped in to calm him down, he would tell me to shut up and not speak. One time he attacked me when I stepped in to stop him from poking his finger at my mom and I ran out for safety to my friend's. Cops showed but my mom didn't report I was attacked. I know she did it to protect him.
Earlier this week, he blew up, tried to control my mom, insulting her and used suicide threats to swallow pills. I called the cops in hopes he would be detained and sent to the psych ward for 72 hours evaluation. To my dismay, two cops showed up (one of them came before) and proceeded to talk with him before asking me and my mom what happened. No ambulance ever showed up. Long story short, my brother was able to convince the cops that my mom and I are bad people who are rude to him ( "interrupting him"), don't leave him alone as he wants (last weekend we checked on him after 15 hours in his room...he didn't eat food all day and we don't know if he ODed in his room or died). My brother did admit he buys xanax from the streets and taking 1 pill instead of 10 as he said he would. At the end, the cops downplayed the situation (again!!) and advised us to go to counseling on communication, drug rehab and said his suicide threats are his cry for help. Ok... wtf. I told the cop how he torments my mom and controls her using suicide threats....cops said to call 911 again if that happens again.
So useless!!
When my brother is in his crazy/angry mode, he would say awful things to us that we deserve to die quickly and that drugs>everything, including his life. He said he would drug deal to earn his money, hide it at home and if cops are called, he would say both mom and I were the ones that bought him and gave him drugs. Absolutely awful. When he is in his normal mode, he doesn't acknowledge anything that happened. But there are times that he said we deserved the treatment. Again, he doesn't admit any fault.
He has a therapist he's been seeing for 2 years but I don't see improvement in terms of sending him in rehab. I'm concerned for our safety, especially my mom's. I have moved out last year to get a goodnight sleep but I was always worried he would lash out on her when I wasn't around (this had happened). I have moved back in Oct when his outbursts stopped. I thought he was getting better. I thought he went back to normal. Now that his outbursts are back....I wanna move out again but I'm so scared for my mom.
In the past, he had used suicide threats to make her skip work and a way to "punish her" for "interrupting him" or not following his instructions. My mom had abide him in order to not trigger his outbursts. She is afraid of him when I'm not around. At the same time she didn't call the cops due to language barrier and most importantly, to protect her son from getting arrested. When I had stepped in to calm him down, he would tell me to shut up and not speak. One time he attacked me when I stepped in to stop him from poking his finger at my mom and I ran out for safety to my friend's. Cops showed but my mom didn't report I was attacked. I know she did it to protect him.
Earlier this week, he blew up, tried to control my mom, insulting her and used suicide threats to swallow pills. I called the cops in hopes he would be detained and sent to the psych ward for 72 hours evaluation. To my dismay, two cops showed up (one of them came before) and proceeded to talk with him before asking me and my mom what happened. No ambulance ever showed up. Long story short, my brother was able to convince the cops that my mom and I are bad people who are rude to him ( "interrupting him"), don't leave him alone as he wants (last weekend we checked on him after 15 hours in his room...he didn't eat food all day and we don't know if he ODed in his room or died). My brother did admit he buys xanax from the streets and taking 1 pill instead of 10 as he said he would. At the end, the cops downplayed the situation (again!!) and advised us to go to counseling on communication, drug rehab and said his suicide threats are his cry for help. Ok... wtf. I told the cop how he torments my mom and controls her using suicide threats....cops said to call 911 again if that happens again.
So useless!!When my brother is in his crazy/angry mode, he would say awful things to us that we deserve to die quickly and that drugs>everything, including his life. He said he would drug deal to earn his money, hide it at home and if cops are called, he would say both mom and I were the ones that bought him and gave him drugs. Absolutely awful. When he is in his normal mode, he doesn't acknowledge anything that happened. But there are times that he said we deserved the treatment. Again, he doesn't admit any fault.
He has a therapist he's been seeing for 2 years but I don't see improvement in terms of sending him in rehab. I'm concerned for our safety, especially my mom's. I have moved out last year to get a goodnight sleep but I was always worried he would lash out on her when I wasn't around (this had happened). I have moved back in Oct when his outbursts stopped. I thought he was getting better. I thought he went back to normal. Now that his outbursts are back....I wanna move out again but I'm so scared for my mom.
Sober since 10th April 2012
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Perth, Western Australia
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Hi Needadvice, this sounds like a very serious situation, and I think you are correct to get the cops involved, even if the ones that turned up were useless. Your brother is mentally ill, and it sounds like your mother is enabling him by downplaying his behaviour when authorities intervene. Even though your brother seems to have psychiatric problems, he still knows enough to act normal when they arrive, so there's an element of deliberation there.
Is there a cultural influence on your mother of 'keeping it in the family'? Is there anyone in your ethnic community you could talk to and who could talk with your mother and convince her your brother is dangerous?
Another thought is to call a DV helpline and go over the whole scenario with them. They are very tuned into how to handle these situations, what to say to the police, how to gather evidence and so on.
Please keep a diary of everything he says, all his threats, and his physical actions like forcing your mother to listen to him for hours. Audio record him on the iPhone if you can do it safely, and use it to back up your diary entries. You will probably have to work around your mother who seems determined to let him do what he wants without consequence.
You are in a difficult position where your mother will try to sabotage your actions to get your brother proper treatment, yet she's anchoring you down at her house for protection.
Is there a cultural influence on your mother of 'keeping it in the family'? Is there anyone in your ethnic community you could talk to and who could talk with your mother and convince her your brother is dangerous?
Another thought is to call a DV helpline and go over the whole scenario with them. They are very tuned into how to handle these situations, what to say to the police, how to gather evidence and so on.
Please keep a diary of everything he says, all his threats, and his physical actions like forcing your mother to listen to him for hours. Audio record him on the iPhone if you can do it safely, and use it to back up your diary entries. You will probably have to work around your mother who seems determined to let him do what he wants without consequence.
You are in a difficult position where your mother will try to sabotage your actions to get your brother proper treatment, yet she's anchoring you down at her house for protection.
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Wise advice above me here, I too was going to recommend calling a Domestic Violence centre or a Women's Shelter and perhaps they can help you find a way to get help. Also, is there any other family that could help you here? I would fear that he may get worse and go from emotional abuse (which is bad enough) to physical and that's a dangerous place to be.
It sounds like a terrible way to live, your brother is holding your mother as an emotional hostage and it must be hard for her to see her son this way.
I am so sorry you are going through this.
Hugs
It sounds like a terrible way to live, your brother is holding your mother as an emotional hostage and it must be hard for her to see her son this way.
I am so sorry you are going through this.
Hugs
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Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: CA
Posts: 12
Originally Posted by FeelingGreat 
Hi Needadvice, this sounds like a very serious situation, and I think you are correct to get the cops involved, even if the ones that turned up were useless. Your brother is mentally ill, and it sounds like your mother is enabling him by downplaying his behaviour when authorities intervene. Even though your brother seems to have psychiatric problems, he still knows enough to act normal when they arrive, so there's an element of deliberation there.
Is there a cultural influence on your mother of 'keeping it in the family'? Is there anyone in your ethnic community you could talk to and who could talk with your mother and convince her your brother is dangerous?
Another thought is to call a DV helpline and go over the whole scenario with them. They are very tuned into how to handle these situations, what to say to the police, how to gather evidence and so on.
Please keep a diary of everything he says, all his threats, and his physical actions like forcing your mother to listen to him for hours. Audio record him on the iPhone if you can do it safely, and use it to back up your diary entries. You will probably have to work around your mother who seems determined to let him do what he wants without consequence.
You are in a difficult position where your mother will try to sabotage your actions to get your brother proper treatment, yet she's anchoring you down at her house for protection.
Is there a cultural influence on your mother of 'keeping it in the family'? Is there anyone in your ethnic community you could talk to and who could talk with your mother and convince her your brother is dangerous?
Another thought is to call a DV helpline and go over the whole scenario with them. They are very tuned into how to handle these situations, what to say to the police, how to gather evidence and so on.
Please keep a diary of everything he says, all his threats, and his physical actions like forcing your mother to listen to him for hours. Audio record him on the iPhone if you can do it safely, and use it to back up your diary entries. You will probably have to work around your mother who seems determined to let him do what he wants without consequence.
You are in a difficult position where your mother will try to sabotage your actions to get your brother proper treatment, yet she's anchoring you down at her house for protection.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: CA
Posts: 12
Originally Posted by Ann
Wise advice above me here, I too was going to recommend calling a Domestic Violence centre or a Women's Shelter and perhaps they can help you find a way to get help. Also, is there any other family that could help you here? I would fear that he may get worse and go from emotional abuse (which is bad enough) to physical and that's a dangerous place to be.
It sounds like a terrible way to live, your brother is holding your mother as an emotional hostage and it must be hard for her to see her son this way.
I am so sorry you are going through this.
Hugs
It sounds like a terrible way to live, your brother is holding your mother as an emotional hostage and it must be hard for her to see her son this way.
I am so sorry you are going through this.
Hugs
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Posts: 93
If she is willing to stay with you if need be, is there any chance she will just move in with you to a separate place? Not tell your brother where you are living, have her pack a bag & come with you?
If she worries about him being able to get by day-to-day, what will he eat, etc, is there any chance you could appeal to the mother in her for you? "Mom, please come stay with me, he needs more help than we can give him, and I need you right now."
If she worries about him being able to get by day-to-day, what will he eat, etc, is there any chance you could appeal to the mother in her for you? "Mom, please come stay with me, he needs more help than we can give him, and I need you right now."
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Join Date: May 2010
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I am so sorry, how scary and awful. Until your mom refuses to stop protecting him it will continue. I agree in calling the domestic hotline. I also would go to the police and file for an exparte which would remove him from the home completely. He is a danger to himself, but more importantly, a danger to you and your mom. Overdose of benzos,esepecially benzos mixed with anything can create a monster. Been there, seen it with my own eyes. Had I not saw evidence my husband had broken into a home of someone he does not know, done $16k worth of damage and jumped off their roof, I would not have believed it myself. He was on a mix of Xanax and booze. He ripped their home up in what was true rage. He truly does not remember it to this day. Not excusing him, just telling you what can happen. I don't know what would have happened had those people been home, it scares me to think about.
Please understand there is nothing you can do until your brother is ready to get help. Until then you have to protect your mother and yourself.
God Bless.
Please understand there is nothing you can do until your brother is ready to get help. Until then you have to protect your mother and yourself.
God Bless.
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Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: CA
Posts: 12
I suggested my mom to get a restraining order plus an order to kick him out. She refuses because she knows he will commit crimes and possibly hurt other people. I do see her pont, releasing a monster off the streets.
I will call domestic hotline. My hope is he gets dragged to a psych ward involuntarily and get clean. When I called 911 I used a code 5150 (code for 3 day involuntarily psych hold for suicidal person)which proves to be pointless. I'm so upset we didn't get taken seriously.
last spring he got into a car accidentt consuming xanax and booze. Doctors didn't take him to a psych ward because he was seriously injured (ruptured colon). We didn't bring it up because we were so distraught by his accident and thought him being alive would get him clean
I will call domestic hotline. My hope is he gets dragged to a psych ward involuntarily and get clean. When I called 911 I used a code 5150 (code for 3 day involuntarily psych hold for suicidal person)which proves to be pointless. I'm so upset we didn't get taken seriously.
last spring he got into a car accidentt consuming xanax and booze. Doctors didn't take him to a psych ward because he was seriously injured (ruptured colon). We didn't bring it up because we were so distraught by his accident and thought him being alive would get him clean
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Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 499
Sometimes being the sibling of an addict means losing not only the addict, but also losing one or more parents. If your mom is unwilling to allow your brother to face the consequences of his decisions as the adult that he is then unfortunately there isn't a whole lot you can do to help either of them.
Just as it does more harm than good to prevent the addict from realizing the true consequences of their actions, continuing to withhold consequences from their greatest enabler results in a continuation of current behavior. Nothing changes if nothing changes.
I had to take a break from both my sister and my mother in order to obtain some amount of serenity in my own life. In my absence, they have both made some changes to improve the status quo. They're not there yet, and that's okay, but my participation wasn't helping - it was just prolonging the chaos and increasing the number of victims by one.
Your brother is not ready to choose recovery at this time. It could also be that your mom isn't, either. That doesn't mean that you can't have a healthy life independent of their actions and decisions.
Just as it does more harm than good to prevent the addict from realizing the true consequences of their actions, continuing to withhold consequences from their greatest enabler results in a continuation of current behavior. Nothing changes if nothing changes.
I had to take a break from both my sister and my mother in order to obtain some amount of serenity in my own life. In my absence, they have both made some changes to improve the status quo. They're not there yet, and that's okay, but my participation wasn't helping - it was just prolonging the chaos and increasing the number of victims by one.
Your brother is not ready to choose recovery at this time. It could also be that your mom isn't, either. That doesn't mean that you can't have a healthy life independent of their actions and decisions.
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Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Phoenix, AZ
Posts: 324
You are dealing with 2 addicts. Your mom is addicted to your brother's problems.
You have to save yourself first and then maybe you can save your mom later.
Or maybe not. I couldn't, but I saved me.
You have to save yourself first and then maybe you can save your mom later.
Or maybe not. I couldn't, but I saved me.
as a sober contributor
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: California
Posts: 1,312
You are showing some amazing restraint. In no uncertain terms if my sibling did that to my Mom, I'd let him know I meant business... especially if he attacked me or Mom.
I had to let my father know once that if he ever grabbed Mom again and bruised her that his son would be KICKING HIS A$$. Interestingly enough, after that he seemed to have a new found respect for me and it never happened again.
Your brother needs more help than you can give him and the abuse of both you and your Mom needs to stop. If the Domestic Violence people wont help I would call the Adult Protective Services hotline. I see you are in Calif, here is a link.
Adult Protective Services
I had to let my father know once that if he ever grabbed Mom again and bruised her that his son would be KICKING HIS A$$. Interestingly enough, after that he seemed to have a new found respect for me and it never happened again.
Your brother needs more help than you can give him and the abuse of both you and your Mom needs to stop. If the Domestic Violence people wont help I would call the Adult Protective Services hotline. I see you are in Calif, here is a link.
Adult Protective Services
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I would also send a certified letter to the police stating you hold them liable since they did not provide assistance. I would go down there and play the recording you have of him. This is going to continue and you or more likely your mom will be hurt. I am so sorry.
If you send that to the police they will take you more seriously I would bet on it. They don't want to be sued for neglecting to take action.
Good luck!
If you send that to the police they will take you more seriously I would bet on it. They don't want to be sued for neglecting to take action.
Good luck!
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Needadvice,
The view I'm about to express may be considered harsh. As they say in Al Anon, take what you like and leave the rest.
I'd show him the door. I'd change the locks. And if becomes violent, call 911 and let the cops deal with him.
There are no circumstances where his behavior is acceptable. None.
And the reason why he continues to pull this act is because he knows he can.
It is time...past time...that he learns that there are consequences for his actions.
Show him the door. Where he goes after that is his problem. Not yours. Not your mothers. His.
ZoSo
The view I'm about to express may be considered harsh. As they say in Al Anon, take what you like and leave the rest.
I'd show him the door. I'd change the locks. And if becomes violent, call 911 and let the cops deal with him.
There are no circumstances where his behavior is acceptable. None.
And the reason why he continues to pull this act is because he knows he can.
It is time...past time...that he learns that there are consequences for his actions.
Show him the door. Where he goes after that is his problem. Not yours. Not your mothers. His.
ZoSo
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: CA
Posts: 12
Hey guys,
Yesterday my brother had an outburst again towards my mom. My mom reported receiving threats where he would look for her to hurt her and her boss (wtf). He was super mad that she missed the appointment to go him to meet with the therapist together (my mom didn't know she was scheduled to go with him).
I headed home to confront him to calm down. He made a mess at the house...i dunno what he was looking for. Cops were called by his therapist after my mom told her he lashed out. Long story short, cops came, didn't consider him 5150 (my brother calmed down once again) and made me call the hospitals. I wasn't able to find a hospital to take him due to bed unavailability AND because he's not "considered a danger to others and himself", as confirmed by the cop. When cops left, he was super pissed but came with me to see the therapist and left on his own, not waiting. I was scared and frustrated that the cops were useless once again. During my wait, I called more hospitals for bed availability.
I got the chance to speak with the therapist and she heard all the threats my brother made. After I found a hospital with a bed, the rep there and her talked and established a 5150 case. Later in the evening, my brother was admitted for 5150. I was relieved.
However, this morning I received a call from my brother that he might be able to leave today once the Psych doctor makes his rounds (I HOPE HE STAYS FOR ALL 3 days). I'm getting worried again.
Yesterday my brother had an outburst again towards my mom. My mom reported receiving threats where he would look for her to hurt her and her boss (wtf). He was super mad that she missed the appointment to go him to meet with the therapist together (my mom didn't know she was scheduled to go with him).
I headed home to confront him to calm down. He made a mess at the house...i dunno what he was looking for. Cops were called by his therapist after my mom told her he lashed out. Long story short, cops came, didn't consider him 5150 (my brother calmed down once again) and made me call the hospitals. I wasn't able to find a hospital to take him due to bed unavailability AND because he's not "considered a danger to others and himself", as confirmed by the cop. When cops left, he was super pissed but came with me to see the therapist and left on his own, not waiting. I was scared and frustrated that the cops were useless once again. During my wait, I called more hospitals for bed availability.
I got the chance to speak with the therapist and she heard all the threats my brother made. After I found a hospital with a bed, the rep there and her talked and established a 5150 case. Later in the evening, my brother was admitted for 5150. I was relieved.
However, this morning I received a call from my brother that he might be able to leave today once the Psych doctor makes his rounds (I HOPE HE STAYS FOR ALL 3 days). I'm getting worried again.
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Join Date: Dec 2013
Posts: 413
It's good that you spoke to the therapist and were able to establish a 5150 case. This is something that will be documented and that you can use in the future to get more help.
However, it is a stopgap solution and isn't likely to change the dynamic that is going on here.
Your brother's behavior is dangerous and menacing. Someone earlier made a good suggestion. Document the behavior and the threats and send the cops a certified letter summarizing it. Then they will be on the hook if he causes damages / injuries with any of his future outbursts, and will be more likely to take this seriously.
While future tripping is never good, there are some potential negative outcomes to this situation that you need to protect yourself against. Beware of playing a passive role, letting yourself be buffeted around by your brother's stormy behavior and blaming other people's inaction. You do have other options. One is to push the authorities to take action (see certified letter idea). Another is to detach from the drama and let your mother decide to continue being involved, or detach for herself.
However, it is a stopgap solution and isn't likely to change the dynamic that is going on here.
Your brother's behavior is dangerous and menacing. Someone earlier made a good suggestion. Document the behavior and the threats and send the cops a certified letter summarizing it. Then they will be on the hook if he causes damages / injuries with any of his future outbursts, and will be more likely to take this seriously.
While future tripping is never good, there are some potential negative outcomes to this situation that you need to protect yourself against. Beware of playing a passive role, letting yourself be buffeted around by your brother's stormy behavior and blaming other people's inaction. You do have other options. One is to push the authorities to take action (see certified letter idea). Another is to detach from the drama and let your mother decide to continue being involved, or detach for herself.
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Join Date: May 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 13,560
I really am alarmed by your brother's behavior. I encourage you to have your mother record all of it and the next time the police come to play it back for them. I also encourage her to send the certified letter and also to consider an exparte against him while he is in the hospital so he cannot return to the home. Get him a list of all homeless shelters and assistance avaliable in the area and give to him in the hospital and let him know that because of his scary and horrible behavior he can no longer live there.
I realize the chances of your mother doing all of this are very slim, but something has to change this evil cycle. He is apparently quite manipulative to the police, hopefully the psych will be able to see it is an act and not let him out today. I also recommend a self defense course for your mother if she is not going to take any action and let him back in the home. Even if she is frail there are some simple things you can do to protect yourself that don't require alot of strength.
It has to be so hard, I am so sorry. It is a true shame he cannot see why he is there and get the true help he needs while he is there.
God Bless.
I realize the chances of your mother doing all of this are very slim, but something has to change this evil cycle. He is apparently quite manipulative to the police, hopefully the psych will be able to see it is an act and not let him out today. I also recommend a self defense course for your mother if she is not going to take any action and let him back in the home. Even if she is frail there are some simple things you can do to protect yourself that don't require alot of strength.
It has to be so hard, I am so sorry. It is a true shame he cannot see why he is there and get the true help he needs while he is there.
God Bless.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2010
Posts: 455
I have been in your mom's shoes. It is hard but I had to be at the end of my rope before I could make my AD leave. In retrospect, there was nothing I could do that could save her from herself and I needed to realize this. My son was a real life saver, calmly reassuring me that I had done all I could, that she needed to face the consequences of her choices. Being made to leave home was a direct consequence of my AD's menacing behavior toward me. My AD's behavior was over-the-top with lots of drama. She has ADHD and personality disorder which made things worse. It has been a few years since she had to leave home and since then she has learned to respect my boundaries and make small progress on her own issues. Sounds like your mom needs to have some boundaries. She is entitled to feel safe in her own home. She is not responsible for your brother's actions if he commits crimes.
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Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 4,966
Needadvice, this is really disturbing to read! This is a very dangerous situation! I'm sure you realize this or you wouldn't be calling the cops and trying to get a 5150 case. I really like hopeful's advice about taping his angry outbursts and all those threats he's making to your mother. The certified letter is a great idea too! How dare these cops just walk away without ensuring the safety of you and your mother! WTH!!!!! They are NOT doing THEIR job! I'm sure that letter along with those recordings will spark a fire under their lazy behinds!
Most definately file that exparte...does that include a PO? If not, file one of those too. If your mother try's to protect him is there any way you can let them know that your mother is not nentally well either? At least not enough to make a decision to protect herself and you. Perhaps, you can tell them that she has been victimized to the extent that she is too afraid to stick up for herself...then play that tape.
I really like the advice to contact a domestic abuse organization. They will know how to handle this. Can you contact the hospital where your brother is, notify the doctor of the seriousness of this situation, maybe play the tape for him as well?
My prayers going out to you! This is a very very serious matter!
Most definately file that exparte...does that include a PO? If not, file one of those too. If your mother try's to protect him is there any way you can let them know that your mother is not nentally well either? At least not enough to make a decision to protect herself and you. Perhaps, you can tell them that she has been victimized to the extent that she is too afraid to stick up for herself...then play that tape.
I really like the advice to contact a domestic abuse organization. They will know how to handle this. Can you contact the hospital where your brother is, notify the doctor of the seriousness of this situation, maybe play the tape for him as well?
My prayers going out to you! This is a very very serious matter!
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Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: In a good place
Posts: 4,482
I really hate to be the bearer of depressing news but I feel I'd be doing a terrible disservice if I didn't mention this:
Supreme Court ruled police do not have constitutional duty to protect.
It is imperative that we all learn to protect ourselves, to the fullest extent of the law.
Supreme Court ruled police do not have constitutional duty to protect.
It is imperative that we all learn to protect ourselves, to the fullest extent of the law.
●▬๑۩۩๑▬●
Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 1,405
I know a woman who was in a similar position with her son. She moved into a studio apartment in an over 55, hi-rise building, with 24/7 security. He couldn't get to her and even if she caved...there was no room for him and it wasn't allowed by the community. It protected her from him...and from herself.
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