Praying

Hang in there and keep moving forward! I'd recommend continuing to read and learn if you can. One thing to keep in mind...don't be surprised if he resurfaces. In my experience there's often a bit of a yo-yo effect where active As return and try again, though not usually for healthy reasons. Take time for yourself. But I'd recommend asking yourself- what would I do if he came back and...?

It's possible that could happen, and I've done better when I'm prepared for that one. I was blindsided the first time. I guess I was naive and thought goodbye meant...goodbye? Addicted thinking isn't always rational.

Hugs to you.

needingabreak

So sorry this has happened but in the long run, if he has decided to continue using you are better off. It might not feel like that at this point but in time you will see it. When you care about someone break ups are always hard. You do deserve better and dating a durg addict would only bring you more pain and stress. I wish you the best.

sonyak

I would not be surprised with a reappearance...he did this last June and I gave him another chance. It is obvious that he does not want to give up this lifestyle and the criminal activity that can come with it but I need to wash my hands of it. I don't want this lifestyle.

sonyak

Having a bad day today...I guess all the anger that I felt yesterday is gone and now it's just the hurt. He doesn't realize how many people he is hurting and losing. He spent so much time to get his kids back and he is throwing it all away. I just don't understand how anything could take the place of your kids. I just keep telling myself that it is not two people (him and addicted him), he is one person. It's like someone flicked a switch and the person I know is gone.

anxiouswife

so sorry. I'm in your boat too.
my oxy & Xanax addicted husband has willingly let my daughter and I walk out of the house and out of his life...and shows no remorse. when asked if he wants to see her (shes 3, and she misses him greatly) he says no, that its my job to deal with "my kid."
Ouch..
we will never understand - we are not irrational and unreasonable enough, I guess.
sending hugs. I feel ya.

sonyak

His mom reached to me today wondering why she hasn't seen or heard from us in the past two weeks. I had to break the news to her that her son is back doing drugs. His kids have been asking her if she has heard from their dad. Selfish!

hopeful4

I am so sorry for all of you. How awful. Big Hugs!

sonyak

I am just back from talking with his mom and sister. I feel better now that they know what has happened the past couple of weeks. At least they know as well how much help he needs and how much trouble he is in. It was really hard to leave as I considered them my family as well but they know that I can't take the stress anymore. Plus they said they know what he is like...they have watched and listened to him go down this road many times.

kkallday21

I'm in the same boat.. Just ended a relationship and yes a great deal of love was and is there, but the truth is it was an unhealthy relationship... Although it is very sad and painful, we have to take care of ourselves and keep moving forward.. I trust a better life is ahead, if we keep the focus on ourselves.. Stay strong xoxo

sonyak

I found out today that he has already moved on to another women...I guess when I kicked him out he now has her to take care of him. Part if me is glad it's over and the stress and worry is over but the other part if me is so angry that he cared so little about our relationship.

On the other side he did go visit his mom yesterday and she said he looked fine. All I could think was yeah he does know how to hide it from you for the 30 mins he was there.

sonyak

I guess he is happy now that he doesn't have me there to question his behaviour...he now has a new women who doesn't know the difference.

kkallday21

Consider it a gift.. The exact same thing happened with my son's father...He even got her pregnant right away.. I was devastated- literally didn't care if I lived at times... They just recently had their 3rd child within the four years they've been together...He still doesn't work and free loads off of her.. She even pays his child support for my son... Today I can say thank God she came into his life because that forced me to accept it was over..This was after 10 long years of heartache, and repeating insanity over and over again. I actually feel really bad for her but its up to her just like it is up to us to make a better life for ourselves...

penny9175

He gave you the push you need to let go and move on. It will get better for you - any life without the worry of addiction is a better life. Stay strong

sonyak

It was what I needed to stop with the what ifs and the hope that he would realize what he is doing. It was what I needed to wake up and accept him for what he is. The worst thing is that he still has a lot of stuff here. He wanted to come back to talk and said he left it here so he could come back again to talk. I have no desire to ever see him again but don't have it in me to throw it all out. I don't want to see any of his family or friends to come get it, don't want him anywhere near my house so I am stuck.

penny9175

You're not stuck. Politely put it into boxes, arrange a time for him to come get it, and put it outside. Call the police and have an officer there during the pick up time. This way there won't be any confrontation, and you can have closure-all the while knowing you are safe because the officer is there.

Hawkeye13

Yes, contact him that you are putting it outside and have him collect it.
If he doesn't come, it goes to Goodwill.

Do not talk or use this as an excuse either for him to "talk"
or you to engage either. Sometimes it can be tempting to
do that when we hear about another woman.

Let it go and move on.