Baddream

am so sorry to be here... : (
But grateful for any help and advice

I learned that my adult son has been using H for 4 yrs last week, after much suspicions we questioned him and he broke down and told us he wanted to stop but needed help. He has lost everything he had weve learned.
Since this admission he has entered detox and will be completing 1 week. I am assuming hes getting out and coming to live in our home with his younger siblings(minors), I would prefer him to go to inpatient rehab but I guess thats not an option (first time in detox & no ins) so I will tell you I am uneasy as heck about him living under our roof now that I KNOW he has been lying & stealing (I always wondered), How can I manage this?? I will never feel comfortable in our home wondering what hes doing when we go to bed... I dont want to feel like a warden, but know his options are here or in a drug house somewhere & I want to help him get straight, I have been educating myself as much as possible on the post withdrawls & just feel overwhelmed .
What can I do to aid him and what should HE do , I know this is all on him but if it were that easy he wouldnt be an addict.
what is the "normal" protocol for a long time user first time detox patient?? Outpatient rehab ?? meetings ??? I am trying to get my ducks in a row before he is discharged (anytime now)
thankyou so much
Baddream

allow me to add he lived with his also addicted GF. she is with her family detoxing... He feels they can see each other still and has been tallking to her while at detox.. whats your opinion of this???

AnvilheadII

are there any sober living environments/homes in your area? that is often a good in-between option, for the addict AND the family! obvious concerns are the minor children at home....as for him talking to his gf and all that, really can't control that part. at least he's in detox, that's a start!!!!

I wish I had more to offer!

Gggddd1970

I am a recovering heroin addict. When he comes out of detox he won't be having any more withdrawal symptoms, he will very grateful to you for helping him. He will probably sleep a lot and eat a little. He will feel physically knackered and mentally tired. Give him space and time. 2 weeks after detox.. After so long taking heroin he will be almost euphoric that he doesn't have the terrible demons on his back constantly wanting more heroin. He will be generally happy and positive. Whether he stays of it forever only he can decide....

Gggddd1970

It may be that he does stay away from heroin for ever.. They say have a co-addict makes it much harder ? I never had a co-addict ever, in fact I hating doing heroin with anyone other than dealers on occasion.. he is one lucky guy in a sense... He is still with you, he has a loving family and loving parents, he has siblings who are young and full of life and this will infect him with their 'love of life'.. He has a second chance, a gift truly from the gods. It may be he will drift away from his partner, very possibly he will. Don't make him goto meetings unless he wants to, stay positive for him, feed him!

Baddream

Thankyou for your encouraging words, in an up an down emotional state such as this hope is always welcome.

I am concerned with him staying under our roof , but cannot "force" him to go into rehab, his choices of living arrangements are nil , I did tell him there are free rehabs and if he wanted me to find one ...., he interrupted me and said "he" wanted do it. I know I need to stop being uber mom and allow this process to play out, but as I am sure you know it is very hard to be side lined when the guy in charge isnt operating at his finest.( yet.)
Thankyou for your prayers I do have faith that my "captain" will be by my side through this storm,, but it encourages me to seek out those who are persevering.
Thanks so much Id say you have no idea how much this helps , but I KNOW you do.

Txhelp

Sober living is a great option....many cities have them. They allow him to be in a sober environment with rules...typically they are quite affordable.

There are all sorts of options...perhaps where he is detoxing they can give him information.

The Salvation Army has a long term program that many have said positive things about...they are free.

There are also intensive outpatient programs for those that don't want an inpatient setting.

He has options with or without insurance...reach out for help for yourself as this is a long road. I do highly recommend that he not come to your house. You can be supportive if he is out of the home also.

Baddream

I agree with all youve said

because hes getting out of detox will a rehab take him once hes been released?? in other words if he comes to my home for a couple of days will they still take him ??
also I have heard it said multiple times that I cant force him he has to want to do it, so how does this apply to inpatient or sober house..etc... do I say you cant stay with us you have to go there?? I am afraid of him choosing neither and going to what was the easiest , that being a drug house.. thanks again

Txhelp

I guess the key is knowing which rehab he is going to and contacting them for their requirements. Detox is usually quite short. Has he indicated what he is willing to do?

You are right you can't force him. However, you can state what you are willing to do or not do? For instance, as can say anything you like. It's your life and your home still. If you tell him that he is welcome to stay at your house, sober, until he is in a rehab or sober living or whatever. Or you can give him a time frame of how long he can stay with your. It's up to you.

Boundaries are VERY important when an addict is in the picture. Mean what you say! Writing out, on paper, is helpful to get your plan together.

He may not choose the option that you hope and pray for....it has to be up to him.

Again, the detox place should have information. Has he mentioned anything regarding after detox?

Baddream

He hasnt even seen a counselor or social worker, he will before discharge today. he made a comment about feeling institutionalized, and that he cant handle that.. weve only spoken briefly for a couple of minutes here and there. I am certainly going to lay out the after care portion of this is crucial for success, but had hoped that the facility hes in would have been able to fill him while hes there,so that was disheartening, but all is not lost and I am hoping for the best , but trying to prepare for the worst ..is that even possible ??

LoveMeNow

The Salvation Army has a great free program. He would need to be clean to be accepted. The timing is perfect if he is willing. If he is not, I would not allow him to come live with me based on my own personal experiences.