kkallday21

My ex had contacted me again today, so I prayed for guidance and decided to have a talk with him and explain how I felt. I have been feeling a lot of guilt lately because he was reaching out and I just wasn’t ready to deal with it. The hardest part about all of this is that we have been friends for a very long time and have helped each other out with our hardships over the years and were best friends. He helped me a lot when I was dealing with my son’s father who was my first qualifier and now I’m going through the same thing with him… Although this time was not nearly as crazy as my first relationship, I’m still in much pain.. Knowing I can’t be friends with him anymore, is hurting me more than anything. I needed him to know that I have to do this for me and cannot put myself in situation like that again. Just like he relapsed, I did as well… I was infected instantly and although I know I wasn’t back at square one, it sure felt like it.. My heart is heavy guys, really really heavy… I do feel better that I was able to be honest and that I was able to stay firm with my words, but the sadness is overwhelming. Thankfully there is a noon time meeting today. I’m going to continue to pray, work my program and keep being honest with myself… I must trust if I do my part, my HP will do theirs. 

Raider

Ouch. Good luck friend. I think you are on the right track, as painful as it is.....prayers.

hopeful4

I hope you find that meeting and have a peaceful day!

Tight Hugs!

kkallday21

Thank you everyone for your kind words as always.. It’s really nice to have this site. Everyone knows how hard things can be at times and sometimes people aren’t available to take a call, etc. So I’m really grateful for this site and the people that reach out to show support. I did go to the meeting and shared about it as well… Although I am still sad, I am feeling a little better. I’m 31 years old and for more than half my life, I focused on fixing/saving others.. I am now learning how to focus on myself. It’s probably one of the hardest things I’ve ever done, but I’m worth it.. Xoxox

charliesangel23

the guilt is something I wasn't prepared for, all of a sudden I feel like the bad guy because he wants to keep it together and although I still love him very much I know that I am too damaged. hang in there and stay strong!!

AnvilheadII

I am now learning how to focus on myself. It’s probably one of the hardest things I’ve ever done, but I’m worth it.. Xoxox

THAT is a beautiful thing you wrote there! SR t-shirt logo!

you ARE worth it, hon. you are going to be so surprised and awestruck by this new person you are about to meet! she is so cool, she has such integrity, drive, and dreams...your HP must rock cuz you are amazing!

Vale

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Yes you are.