Numb to life
Getting there!!
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 5,750
Originally Posted by hopeful4 
You can purchase a stun gun on Amazon for $10 including shipping. You can add pepper spray for a total of $14 total. Wasp spray also acts the same as pepper spray.
I undersand you said you give up financial freedom if you go to your moms. What do you have now? Craziness is all this is. I cannot even imagine how it has to and will affect your children. Your life is in danger, I truly mean that. You need to go file a restraining order and go to the local safe house and let them help you.
Please keep yourself and your children safe.
I undersand you said you give up financial freedom if you go to your moms. What do you have now? Craziness is all this is. I cannot even imagine how it has to and will affect your children. Your life is in danger, I truly mean that. You need to go file a restraining order and go to the local safe house and let them help you.
Please keep yourself and your children safe.
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Reminder please....it is against the rules here to prompt anyone to violence, also illegal in most states and countries. If you use any weapon it can be turned and used against you and your children.
That said, it makes sense to be able to defend yourself but the best way is to get away from the person and have a restraining order in place so that the police can handle any problems.
Believe the seriousness of this threat and contact a women's shelter to help you find safety and put a restraining order in place. They can help you find a safe house or shelter where you and your children will be safe.
Please find help, I don't think you realize the immediate danger you and your children are in. Keeping you all in my prayers.
Hugs
That said, it makes sense to be able to defend yourself but the best way is to get away from the person and have a restraining order in place so that the police can handle any problems.
He told me when angry that he would kill me if i ever called the police
Please find help, I don't think you realize the immediate danger you and your children are in. Keeping you all in my prayers.
Hugs
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2013
Posts: 83
Thkyou all. I've re-read each of your posts over & over. I really don't know how to respond. I know im broken at the moment & not thinking straight/rationally. Pathetic really. What's worse is I'm too ashamed to actually tell anyone (besides on here) about how crazy he is now. I guess I've always sorted things out myself. I also dont want to drag other people into this mess incase something happens to them. one good friend who takes me to get groceries when he takes the car, etc he completely hates now & makes threats about. i hear what you are all saying and I agree. I'm friggen scared to make sudden chances tho cos I never know when he will turn up. That's why I've been putting a workable plan into action.
I have spoken to a domestic violence hotline. I found the woman really unhelpful & judging. She said she was just filling in so I will try again. We live in a small town so assistance is limited & no-one is anonomyous.
I am taking his threats seriously but don't worry I won't get a gun. I'm well aware that I'm the one who would end up dead. I hate violence!
I know how I sound! Maybe I am just making excuses I don't know. All I know is I am getting out. Hopefully sooner than later & safety
Oh I read up on meth psychosis as suggested. He is obsessed with the idea that I have a new man. It's bad. He makes up the craziest things. As if! I have officially been turned off from ever being with another man ever again!!!
I have spoken to a domestic violence hotline. I found the woman really unhelpful & judging. She said she was just filling in so I will try again. We live in a small town so assistance is limited & no-one is anonomyous.
I am taking his threats seriously but don't worry I won't get a gun. I'm well aware that I'm the one who would end up dead. I hate violence!
I know how I sound! Maybe I am just making excuses I don't know. All I know is I am getting out. Hopefully sooner than later & safety
Oh I read up on meth psychosis as suggested. He is obsessed with the idea that I have a new man. It's bad. He makes up the craziest things. As if! I have officially been turned off from ever being with another man ever again!!!
Recovered People Pleaser
Join Date: Dec 2013
Location: Heart of Dixie
Posts: 391
Verbal and Emotional abuse is abuse (regardless of cause). You can call the police when you first see him arrive, or ask a neighbor to call. You will live in terror until you break ties with this insanity. Your children do not need to be subject to this lifestyle either. I would speak to the landlord at once and beg off any lease. He also has a stake in property damages and can press charges against your husband for property damages.
Please google and research the terms "trauma Bond" & "gaslighting". These may give you some insight. It is good that you can see your thinking may be distorted. It is not always easy to see when in the eye of the storm, but you must take every action to protect yourself and especially your children. Addiction is progressive and degenerative in nature and if he is unwilling to seek recovery, the situation will escalate.
There is a book called "Toxic no more" by UK Native Amanda Smith that is her personal story of such trauma and recovery-give it a gander if you get a chance. In the meantime apply for all public assistance in your area and ask your Mum to get some applications in her city and to fill them out. You can at least get those processes started. You are doing yourself no favor staying in harms way. Make self-care a priority and do not place the concerns of others above your own personal safety nor well being.
Please google and research the terms "trauma Bond" & "gaslighting". These may give you some insight. It is good that you can see your thinking may be distorted. It is not always easy to see when in the eye of the storm, but you must take every action to protect yourself and especially your children. Addiction is progressive and degenerative in nature and if he is unwilling to seek recovery, the situation will escalate.
There is a book called "Toxic no more" by UK Native Amanda Smith that is her personal story of such trauma and recovery-give it a gander if you get a chance. In the meantime apply for all public assistance in your area and ask your Mum to get some applications in her city and to fill them out. You can at least get those processes started. You are doing yourself no favor staying in harms way. Make self-care a priority and do not place the concerns of others above your own personal safety nor well being.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2013
Posts: 83
Thanks ifnotforgrace. Trauma bonding. Disturbing but is me. I use to be codependent trying to help & 'fix' things. it was exhausting. but now our relationship is exactly as described in these trauma bonding articles.
Getting there!!
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 5,750
You are not pathetic, not at all!! Living with an addict, takes it's toll on so many of us.
I have faith in you that you can dig deep and find the strength to save you and the girls. I am praying for all of you.
I have faith in you that you can dig deep and find the strength to save you and the girls. I am praying for all of you.
Getting there!!
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 5,750
I also wanted to add.....NOTHING you do in the future will be as hard as living with the insanity of living with active addict.
I was so afraid to get out, the what ifs, if only's, kept me on the hamster wheel. I now realize if I can live through this, I can do anything, I, too, was so filled with shame, now I am filled with hope for a happier, healthy life. The shame is not ours to carry, it's too exhausting. Please keep reaching out and asking for help, you life depends on it.
I was so afraid to get out, the what ifs, if only's, kept me on the hamster wheel. I now realize if I can live through this, I can do anything, I, too, was so filled with shame, now I am filled with hope for a happier, healthy life. The shame is not ours to carry, it's too exhausting. Please keep reaching out and asking for help, you life depends on it.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: TX
Posts: 731
This is something that I learned last year....although your laws/rules may be different. I love in a midsize city in Texas. I know someone that contacted the police one for domestic issues. Nothing was done at the time...just a report.
Eventually she decided that she had no choice but flee. I helped her do so. She found out through her landlord (her name is on the lease) that because she reported him as a domestic violence case that she could get out of her lease.
Although, in my opinion...if I had a place to go to then I would flee. Forget the lease.
Eventually she decided that she had no choice but flee. I helped her do so. She found out through her landlord (her name is on the lease) that because she reported him as a domestic violence case that she could get out of her lease.
Although, in my opinion...if I had a place to go to then I would flee. Forget the lease.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 1,452
THIS IS ABUSE. THIS IS VERY BAD ABUSE.
When you are being abused, including emotional and verbal abuse, you cannot think clearly. There are threads here on SoberRecovery about abuse that would be helpful for you to read. English Garden wrote one that is a sticky on the Friends and Families of Alcoholics forum page, and I posted on it.
You need to get to a safe place with your children. You need to start a paper trail for the threats of violence your addicted partner is making, and the times he tears up the house in anger. That will help you down the road.
We are here with you and for you every step of the way.
Be safe first of all. Then will come a less stressful way of living, and finally, peace and happiness. They are yours to look forward to. We will help you find them. For right now, just concentrate on what the next steps are to be safe.
ShootingStar1
When you are being abused, including emotional and verbal abuse, you cannot think clearly. There are threads here on SoberRecovery about abuse that would be helpful for you to read. English Garden wrote one that is a sticky on the Friends and Families of Alcoholics forum page, and I posted on it.
You need to get to a safe place with your children. You need to start a paper trail for the threats of violence your addicted partner is making, and the times he tears up the house in anger. That will help you down the road.
We are here with you and for you every step of the way.
Be safe first of all. Then will come a less stressful way of living, and finally, peace and happiness. They are yours to look forward to. We will help you find them. For right now, just concentrate on what the next steps are to be safe.
ShootingStar1
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