How did he changed in one day!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2014
Posts: 1
How did he changed in one day!
Well..this is my first post and I come here after being drained from tears. I was dating a man who was by far the kindest man I have ever met. We were inseparable day and night for several months and we both agreed was "love at first sight". We both had come out of other long term relationships approx. 6 months prior to this but both felt we never had a connection like we were made for each other. He insisted that he "hated" his x gf who had cheated on him and had introduced him to drugs. He said he just dabbled but had not touched them since.
One day he left my house as happy as always. We spoke briefly in the usual way but he was acting a tad bit shady. By the third day, out of nowhere he broke up with me by text with no reason. For the next several days he kept trying to have me talk to him for hours on the phone but insisted that he had to break up. He said he could not tell me why because he felt I would think he was a horrible person. It was something he was ashamed of that no one knew. After more time of him still leading my on but rejected me, I finally told him I had to stop contact unless he would commit to me. His last words to me was that he loved me very much and was never happier in his life.
He then became cruel. He blocked my phone and all my social media connections. He changed like night and day. I know people that have know him since childhood and they said he is incapable of being mean. (He is 20 now). His xgf started to harass me by internet. I couldn't understand. Then to my shock..within the next week he sent me emails of him and his x gf late at night in pictures which she was giving foul gestures. I could not believe he was with the women he felt was his ruin that he despised! He still would not talk to me. I was so hurt and betrayed.
He lives with his caring aunt who I found had gotten him off drugs when he was first on them. We are in a small circle and people are more than happy to offer info to me. Many different ones told me that he was on heroin. With some thought I decided to contact his aunt in confidence who was very grateful because she said he had been a person she didn't even recognize.
Somehow he found out I contacted her and texted me throughout the night every couple of hours accusing me of spreading around that he was doing drugs. In the morning, I answered back that it like that and I only wanted to help him. He told me that he had zero feelings for me and he suddenly had feelings for her. He talked to me like a piece of garbage. I could not imagine how cold he was and how within a few weeks he had changed everything he believed in. He was all together another person. He was talking in circles but was so angry with me when all I ever did was love him. I just don't get it. I am crushed. I understand he is not acting like himself because he is doing drugs but how could he go with a woman who he couldn't stand to look at and tell me flat out that he felt nothing for me. I mean..he has to wake up sober.. how is he still seeing me so different and thinking she is the most wonderful person in the world! Can someone please shed some light on this? I have not stopped crying for weeks!! I just feel so used and rejected. Thanks..
One day he left my house as happy as always. We spoke briefly in the usual way but he was acting a tad bit shady. By the third day, out of nowhere he broke up with me by text with no reason. For the next several days he kept trying to have me talk to him for hours on the phone but insisted that he had to break up. He said he could not tell me why because he felt I would think he was a horrible person. It was something he was ashamed of that no one knew. After more time of him still leading my on but rejected me, I finally told him I had to stop contact unless he would commit to me. His last words to me was that he loved me very much and was never happier in his life.
He then became cruel. He blocked my phone and all my social media connections. He changed like night and day. I know people that have know him since childhood and they said he is incapable of being mean. (He is 20 now). His xgf started to harass me by internet. I couldn't understand. Then to my shock..within the next week he sent me emails of him and his x gf late at night in pictures which she was giving foul gestures. I could not believe he was with the women he felt was his ruin that he despised! He still would not talk to me. I was so hurt and betrayed.
He lives with his caring aunt who I found had gotten him off drugs when he was first on them. We are in a small circle and people are more than happy to offer info to me. Many different ones told me that he was on heroin. With some thought I decided to contact his aunt in confidence who was very grateful because she said he had been a person she didn't even recognize.
Somehow he found out I contacted her and texted me throughout the night every couple of hours accusing me of spreading around that he was doing drugs. In the morning, I answered back that it like that and I only wanted to help him. He told me that he had zero feelings for me and he suddenly had feelings for her. He talked to me like a piece of garbage. I could not imagine how cold he was and how within a few weeks he had changed everything he believed in. He was all together another person. He was talking in circles but was so angry with me when all I ever did was love him. I just don't get it. I am crushed. I understand he is not acting like himself because he is doing drugs but how could he go with a woman who he couldn't stand to look at and tell me flat out that he felt nothing for me. I mean..he has to wake up sober.. how is he still seeing me so different and thinking she is the most wonderful person in the world! Can someone please shed some light on this? I have not stopped crying for weeks!! I just feel so used and rejected. Thanks..
Curmudgeon, Electrical Engineer, Guitar God Wannabe
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Where the mighty arms of Atlas hold the heavens from the Earth
Posts: 3,403
Sacramenta...
Welcome to the Board. I know you're confused and in a lot of pain right now, and with good reason; emotionally, you've been hit by a truck.
Anyways --
Sure. He's sick, and you're a convenient target. It doesn't matter that you loved him. It doesn't matter that you wanted to help him. And you need to be aware that although he may not have acted like this while you two were happy, he's certainly acting poorly now. Under the right set of circumstances, we're all capable of acting poorly. Right now, under his right set of circumstances, this is how he acts. And it is indeed ugly.
Having been through something not dissimilar with an addict and coming out the other side of it, there are things I will not tolerate anymore. Things like verbal and emotional abuse are nonstarters for me under any circumstances. So, the only insight I will give you is the obvious: stop being his target. You can't help him. No one can. Remove yourself from the situation and allow yourself to heal. You may not believe it now because you're hurting so much, but you will heal from this. Trust me on this.
Other members will be along to respond to you. Read their posts and thoughts with an open mind and open eyes. It will save your sanity.
Hang in there...
ZoSo
Welcome to the Board. I know you're confused and in a lot of pain right now, and with good reason; emotionally, you've been hit by a truck.
Anyways --
Somehow he found out I contacted her and texted me throughout the night every couple of hours accusing me of spreading around that he was doing drugs. In the morning, I answered back that it like that and I only wanted to help him. He told me that he had zero feelings for me and he suddenly had feelings for her. He talked to me like a piece of garbage. I could not imagine how cold he was and how within a few weeks he had changed everything he believed in. He was all together another person. He was talking in circles but was so angry with me when all I ever did was love him. I just don't get it. I am crushed. I understand he is not acting like himself because he is doing drugs but how could he go with a woman who he couldn't stand to look at and tell me flat out that he felt nothing for me. I mean..he has to wake up sober.. how is he still seeing me so different and thinking she is the most wonderful person in the world! Can someone please shed some light on this?
Having been through something not dissimilar with an addict and coming out the other side of it, there are things I will not tolerate anymore. Things like verbal and emotional abuse are nonstarters for me under any circumstances. So, the only insight I will give you is the obvious: stop being his target. You can't help him. No one can. Remove yourself from the situation and allow yourself to heal. You may not believe it now because you're hurting so much, but you will heal from this. Trust me on this.
Other members will be along to respond to you. Read their posts and thoughts with an open mind and open eyes. It will save your sanity.
Hang in there...
ZoSo
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: pittsburgh, PA
Posts: 41
I'm so sorry to hear your pain. But just remember this, learn to love yourself and don't let what he chooses affect your happiness. He's not the only man you'll ever meet in your life and you have to understand at this point he doesn't want to be with you. Don't let him tear you apart because he's on drugs. He's not the same person you met and he might never be.
let him go and go work on you. It's the best way for you to heal and you will heal. Just believe in yourself and all the good things you have to offer life. Try to have no contact with him even when it's the hardest thing to do in the world. I know all about heart break and it's really painful but you will get through it. Keep praying and love yourself. Hope you feel better!
let him go and go work on you. It's the best way for you to heal and you will heal. Just believe in yourself and all the good things you have to offer life. Try to have no contact with him even when it's the hardest thing to do in the world. I know all about heart break and it's really painful but you will get through it. Keep praying and love yourself. Hope you feel better!
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
I am so sorry that your heart is broken and indeed his behaviour is cruel and unkind. You don't deserve this and his bad behaviour is not a reflection on you or anything you did or did not do. He owns it all the way.
I am always grateful to what I call "people who wear the badge", that is people who are jerks but show it clearly leaving no question, as if they wear a badge saying "I am a jerk, I am trouble". At least we get to see them for what they are.
I know I will sound like your mother, but you are young and you have your whole life ahead of you, a life that can and should be wonderful and happy and filled with joyous days, and one day soon you will find this, just keep your eyes on the road ahead and don't look back, you're not going there.
You deserve better and most of all you deserve to be very good to yourself. YOU hold the key to your happiness, you have all along, and nobody can take that key away from you. You life is yours to embrace and enjoy...when you are ready.
Hugs
I am always grateful to what I call "people who wear the badge", that is people who are jerks but show it clearly leaving no question, as if they wear a badge saying "I am a jerk, I am trouble". At least we get to see them for what they are.
I know I will sound like your mother, but you are young and you have your whole life ahead of you, a life that can and should be wonderful and happy and filled with joyous days, and one day soon you will find this, just keep your eyes on the road ahead and don't look back, you're not going there.
You deserve better and most of all you deserve to be very good to yourself. YOU hold the key to your happiness, you have all along, and nobody can take that key away from you. You life is yours to embrace and enjoy...when you are ready.
Hugs
Sober since 10th April 2012
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Perth, Western Australia
Posts: 6,047
Hi Sacramenta, I agree with Anne, you're young and if you make up your mind to put him behind you, you can go on to meet decent men. Don't envy his GF, she's hasn't got herself a bargain. Also please take on board that him putting you down doesn't mean **** It's a reflection on him and others will see that.
There's nothing as painful as your first real heartbreak, but trust me you've had a lucky escape. Work on yourself, on rebuilding your life. And ignore the ridiculous immature way they're carrying on by blocking, defending - I'm sure you know better than me!
There's nothing as painful as your first real heartbreak, but trust me you've had a lucky escape. Work on yourself, on rebuilding your life. And ignore the ridiculous immature way they're carrying on by blocking, defending - I'm sure you know better than me!
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