Lovenjoy

One thing I'm finding very disconcerting with my recovery here is that I seem to be dealing with my own withdrawal symptoms.

My son just called me (at work) to talk about his court case. Not an appropriate time so I calmly said let's talk later.

Now I'm very anxious, kinda panicky, headache hit hard, emotional… geesh! Really need new tools for this.

My codie stuff is ready to take over, tell him what he should be doing, etc. I need to let him lead and keep my mouth shut! Nod my head, let him ask for input… right now he just wants me to listen.

Really want to back off and finally allow him to deal with these big consequences in his own way.

Finding it not easy, but staying alert and talking here. Thanks for listening.

lizwig

Oh boy, similar situation for me today. Emotional text from my son, I responded without thinking it through, asked him about 47 questions to which he went silent. It's not easy. I get confused sometimes and misinterpret his wanting to complain for him actually wanting change. We are all learning together...progress not perfection right? Have you read the book "how to get your loved one sober...alternatives to nagging pleading etc"? I read it and really appreciated the insight and methods of communication they suggested. None of which I used today. Eeesssh.

Lovenjoy

A bit of a spot check up here on my progress. They seem like very small baby steps, but at least I'm going forward!

I spend a lot less time going round in circles in my thinking about all the s*** my son has going on in his life. And there's plenty. He is a part of my life, not the priority. I'm calmer for this and also more productive at work.

I've only called him once, no sorry twice, today. He didn't get back to me on the subject of first call. And I wasn't checking up on him, it was about an appointment change. Seeing now I was calling him a lot, everyday and always with something, but really checking up on him… and micro managing. Maybe tomorrow no calls!

I've been to 2 AA meetings, 1 alanon meeting, 1 healing class and checking out another alanon tonight - in just over a week. And reading all over the place here at SR. (wow, not sure how I fit work in!)

A bit lost and awkward at home with him. Not horrible, but it def points out that most of my interaction with him was not healthy. It's something new for both of us. I've stopped my codie behaviors which is new to me and he's a bit confused?!

The few times he's asked me things instead of 'oh let me find the answer for you' it's been, don't know maybe go here/ask so an so and find out yourself. In a genuinely nice way. When he wanted to talk about court stuff I listened and didn't offer my opinion or advise. 'Cause he didn't ask for it.

I'm focused on finding my spiritual and emotional balance again. And also looking for some equilibrium in my dealings with my son. I love him so much. I can't make him do anything. It doesn't mean I can't love him and show him I love him…..

Writing here in hopes of finding some clarity. Trying to look at the bigger picture. I said baby steps when I began this but it all gets a little overwhelming too. I'm tired of the darkness this disease has brought into my life and I refuse to live from one crisis to the next anymore. It is not how I've lived my sober life all these years, until this. Taking responsibility for my happiness back. I gave it to him which was wrong.

I want light. I want laughter. I want peace. Thanks SR for helping me learn that it's ok if I make it all about me for awhile.

sending good thoughts

Vale

>>>Thanks SR for helping me learn that it's ok if I make it all about me for awhile.<<<<

Damn straight Lovenjoy. MAKE it about you. It's not selfishness for the sake of selfishness-----it's rationality for the sake of SANITY.

Lovenjoy

Thanks for the encouragement Vale!

I haven't asked my son about going to meetings for a couple of weeks, was asking daily before. And tonight he told me he's going to his regular meeting tomorrow! He hasn't gone in many weeks, since he had surgery. I just said 'well that's a good thing'.

I. Am. So. Happy!

I know he could tell it made me happy, but I'm not throwing a party or anything! It feels good to see him make that choice.

So this stuff really works huh?!?!

BeavsDad

As you know, saying he's going and actually doing it are 2 different things.

I hope he follows through.

Either way, you seem to be doing better and that's all you have control of.

Lovenjoy

BeavsDad - yeah I thought the same thing 'cause I'm supposed to be at work and I just decided not to worry about it.

But it's snowing like mad so the boss sent me home. I didn't mention his meeting at all when I got here. He was ready to go which made me happy to see. He asked for a ride, was going to walk. So I just dropped him off.

I am trying to keep my mouth shut. And that is proving difficult! All I said when he got out of the car was 'you are here for you'.

Praying for him that he gets what he needs wherever he can get it.

And yeah, I'm doing better. Thanks for noticing. Went to my second alanon meeting last night. It was a meditation meeting and I loved it!