Blogs


Notices

6,8,10 times

Old 02-04-2014, 03:57 PM
  # 21 (permalink)  
Member
 
Vale's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: San Francisco
Posts: 2,279
Never try to take someone's hope away. It is needlessly cruel and serves no
constructive purpose. The people who come here are (by & large) not children.
They do not need to be shielded from reality. They hunger for truth, not
euphemisms nor other poorly camouflaged untruths.EG shares truth. Are we
brave enough to listen?

Those we care about navigate the farthest borders of life, and the nearest
borders of death. Sometimes they miss a turn. Sometimes they stay in limbo,
enjoying neither the joys of life nor the dignities of death.

I had gone no contact for over a year before I heard of her passing. I knew going NC
was the best thing for her but in those first few days I wanted to YELL at my SR friends.......

"I listened to your goddamned advice! I made life decisions on the basis of it!
You promised it was the right thing to do----and LOOK WHAT HAPPENED!"

But neither SR, nor the souls who populate her, made any such promise.
They only promised to be there, to listen, and to understand.

'Wanna know how powerful addiction is? Powerful enough to bring a stone
cold atheist to his knees and beg for God's help.....for I had no where else to turn.

I didn't pray for her life----it was too late for that. I prayed that her soul was
finally free of this God-forsaken cold dark hell of addiction....and that one day
(I hoped) she would be back in the embrace of her home, her loved ones, and
her loving God.

I've given addiction my all. But it's NOT TAKING my hope. It's not taking
ONE MORE GODDAMNED INCH. This far and NO FARTHER! Fangs out----cross
this line and you WILL regret it.

"Once more, unto the breach my good friends" (Shakespeare's Henry V, Act III)

Look the devil in the eye, as you would any opposing Army on the eve of battle,
and say....confidently:

"Let's see what you've got"
Vale is offline  
The Following 22 Users Say Thank You to Vale For This Useful Post:
Ann (02-04-2014), Barkley77 (09-22-2016), BreesGram (08-30-2014), BunnyNest (02-09-2014), cleaninLI (02-06-2014), cynical one (02-04-2014), Faithlove (03-18-2014), FourTwentyOne (02-05-2014), GardenMama (02-05-2014), HealingWillCome (02-05-2014), incitingsilence (02-04-2014), Jorgenss (04-12-2015), Lotusangel (02-06-2014), LoveMeNow (02-04-2014), Lovenjoy (02-04-2014), needingabreak (02-09-2014), Nina Kay (04-09-2014), pips198 (02-05-2014), SabrinaQ (06-10-2014), SeasonlessWorld (02-05-2014), Sikofit (09-03-2014), Twofish (02-04-2014)
Old 02-04-2014, 04:55 PM
  # 22 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: WI
Posts: 1,426
Dear Vale, AMEN! You say the truth! Thank you! TF
Twofish is offline  
The Following 4 Users Say Thank You to Twofish For This Useful Post:
Ann (02-05-2014), cynical one (02-04-2014), incitingsilence (02-04-2014), Vale (02-04-2014)
Old 02-04-2014, 06:32 PM
  # 23 (permalink)  
happy, joyous an free!
 
Lovenjoy's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: northeast
Posts: 694
I've given addiction my all. But it's NOT TAKING my hope. It's not taking
ONE MORE GODDAMNED INCH. This far and NO FARTHER! Fangs out----cross
this line and you WILL regret it.

"Once more, unto the breach my good friends" (Shakespeare's Henry V, Act III)

Look the devil in the eye, as you would any opposing Army on the eve of battle,
and say....confidently:

"Let's see what you've got"
chills all up and down my body! this is my battle cry too , 'let's see what you've got'. i refuse to be it's victim and with God's will leading me i won't.
Lovenjoy is offline  
The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to Lovenjoy For This Useful Post:
Ann (02-05-2014), FourTwentyOne (02-05-2014), Vale (02-04-2014)
Old 02-04-2014, 07:11 PM
  # 24 (permalink)  
Member
 
HealingWillCome's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2010
Posts: 1,057
Sticky worthy, IMO. Thanks, EnglishGarden.
HealingWillCome is offline  
The Following 7 Users Say Thank You to HealingWillCome For This Useful Post:
Ann (02-05-2014), cynical one (02-04-2014), incitingsilence (02-04-2014), LoveMeNow (02-04-2014), Lovenjoy (02-04-2014), Vale (02-04-2014), YearForMe (02-04-2014)
Old 02-04-2014, 07:52 PM
  # 25 (permalink)  
●▬๑۩۩๑▬●
 
cynical one's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 1,405
Blog Entries: 336
I agree with HWC. This is a sticky-worthy post.

While we all have free will to choose our paths in life, I could never in good conscious encourage a young person to enter into, or continue in a relationship where active addiction is involved. And even more so, when there is battering involved.
cynical one is offline  
The Following 10 Users Say Thank You to cynical one For This Useful Post:
Ann (02-05-2014), BreesGram (08-30-2014), Chino (02-04-2014), HealingWillCome (02-05-2014), incitingsilence (02-04-2014), Kindeyes (02-05-2014), ladyscribbler (06-02-2014), LoveMeNow (02-04-2014), Nina Kay (04-09-2014), Vale (02-04-2014)
Old 02-04-2014, 09:25 PM
  # 26 (permalink)  
Member
 
Vale's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: San Francisco
Posts: 2,279
[
Cynical wrote:

While we all have free will to choose our paths in life, I could never in good conscious encourage a young person to enter into, or continue in a relationship where active addiction is involved. And even more so, when there is battering involved.
================================================== =====
Amen!!!!!!!!!

(blasphemous, coming from me....I know!)
Vale is offline  
The Following 5 Users Say Thank You to Vale For This Useful Post:
Ann (02-05-2014), BreesGram (08-30-2014), cynical one (02-05-2014), Faithlove (03-18-2014), LoveMeNow (02-05-2014)
Old 02-05-2014, 01:20 AM
  # 27 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 94
God Bless you English Garden for this post. God Bless everyone on SR who tells the unvarnished truth. I had already broken up with my XABF when I found SR but all the stories here help stop me from going back. SR works because it is hard to BS people who have heard the same lies time and time again. "Ain't nothing new under the sun". There are a lot I truth tellers here, a lot of denial busting, shake some sense into you, no nonsense type folks here and I love you all.
SeasonlessWorld is offline  
The Following 10 Users Say Thank You to SeasonlessWorld For This Useful Post:
Ann (02-05-2014), atalose (02-05-2014), BreesGram (08-30-2014), GardenMama (02-05-2014), hopeful4 (02-05-2014), Kindeyes (02-05-2014), ladyscribbler (06-02-2014), LoveMeNow (02-05-2014), Nina Kay (04-09-2014), Vale (02-18-2014)
Old 02-05-2014, 08:44 AM
  # 28 (permalink)  
Member
 
atalose's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2006
Posts: 5,104
I think until an addict heals the wounds of their past they are gonna bleed. They will attempt to bandage that bleeding with alcohol, drugs, food, work, porn. But eventually it will all ooze through and stain their lives. They first must want to heal then they must find the strength to open the wounds, stick their hands inside and pull out the core of the pain that is holding them prisoner to their past memories and make peace with them.

The addict that was in my life went to rehab numerous times in his life probably near 8 -10 times, sat in thousands of meetings, talked to people in the program for hundreds of minutes if not thousands on the phone. Saw numerous counselors and therapists……………………………..yet NEVER address the real issue of his past that holds him prisoner with his addiction. And I believe because of that he is and probably always will be a chronic relapser.

For him addiction lives in the same part of his brain that tells him to breath, it’s his life line.

It took me years and years to understand addiction and I’m still learning. One of the things I learned best was….it’s not that some addicts have the will power and some don’t, it’s that some people are ready to change and others are not.
atalose is offline  
The Following 16 Users Say Thank You to atalose For This Useful Post:
Ann (02-05-2014), BreesGram (08-30-2014), BunnyNest (02-09-2014), Chino (02-05-2014), HealingWillCome (02-05-2014), hopeful4 (02-05-2014), Kindeyes (02-05-2014), ladyscribbler (06-02-2014), Lovenjoy (02-18-2014), MamaCas (02-05-2014), Menhappyplace (02-23-2017), Nina Kay (04-09-2014), RosyNic (07-22-2014), SabrinaQ (06-10-2014), SeasonlessWorld (02-05-2014), Vale (02-18-2014)
Old 02-05-2014, 11:42 AM
  # 29 (permalink)  
Ann
Nature Girl
 
Ann's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 59,822
Wonderful topic and good responses here. This WILL become a sticky, we will let it run it's course on the main forum and then sticky it and lock it when everyone has had a chance to share.
Ann is offline  
The Following 13 Users Say Thank You to Ann For This Useful Post:
atalose (02-05-2014), bluebelle (02-05-2014), BreesGram (08-30-2014), cece1960 (02-05-2014), cynical one (02-06-2014), HealingWillCome (02-05-2014), hopeful4 (02-05-2014), Kindeyes (02-05-2014), LoveMeNow (02-05-2014), pips198 (02-05-2014), RoseMadder (02-05-2014), SeasonlessWorld (02-05-2014), Vale (02-18-2014)
Old 02-06-2014, 10:58 AM
  # 30 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 1,854
I was thinking more about this and it starts out talking about Philip Seymour Hoffman and how he relapsed after not using drugs since college 23 years earlier. His death and the details upset me a lot because my husband was injecting drugs and could have died like that, and he still could one day.The idea is about the insidious nature of addiction, how its hard to beat, can take lots of work and rehabs, and still wont be beat in the end.Thatís what chronic means. The idea young people especially but really everyone should run from any sign of addiction in a person no matter if it was decades ago because it will bring down everyone whoís close to it.

For people who have been hurt so badly by addiction, maybe stayed with someone who abused them, or if its still an active force in life, then I understand why the thought and the inner conscious to tell people to run away. Itís the idea they donít know their life could be made as tragic as what some have experienced.

Did you know after he relapsed a few months ago, he moved out of the family home and rented a place on his own blocks away so he could still be near. Addiction forced them apart probably much to protect the kids which was right. She was not in denial, didnít need to be saved. She always had the power to distance herself and her kids, and it was probably heartbreaking but she did what was needed when it was time.

Something gets left out, itís the life of Philip Hoffman and the people who loved him through all the years he was sober, and all the years he wasnít.

Would his wife change her life if she could?

Does she now regret not running away from him years ago? They were together almost 15 years, had 3 children.

Amazing times? Awful times ? Im sure both but which was greater? Only she knows.

Now she has those memories but life is changed forever for her and the kids. Today there must be a lot of pain, but would they surrender the pain if it meant losing the memories, and the life they built with him?

No one can answer that question for them.

In the end, their life was joined with his, and it will forever be.

If you say to yourself her experience is not like mine, its not the norm, her circumstances are different because, or , or , or, isnt that another point? Everyone is different, we all walk in our own shoes, down our own roads.
BlueChair is offline  
The Following 10 Users Say Thank You to BlueChair For This Useful Post:
Ann (02-06-2014), cleaninLI (02-06-2014), hopeful4 (02-06-2014), ladyscribbler (06-02-2014), Lotusangel (02-06-2014), Lovenjoy (02-06-2014), MamaCas (02-06-2014), nutmeg19 (10-09-2015), pips198 (02-06-2014), Vale (02-18-2014)
Old 02-06-2014, 11:30 AM
  # 31 (permalink)  
Member
 
Chino's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: In a good place
Posts: 4,482
Blog Entries: 3
Originally Posted by BlueChair View Post
The idea young people especially but really everyone should run from any sign of addiction in a person no matter if it was decades ago because it will bring down everyone whoís close to it.
The OP's bottom line was a warning about addicted loved ones not 100% clean and sober, and working hard to maintain that.

If that had not been the bottom line, there's no way I would have signed on in agreement, as that is my daughter she speaks of. I would not ever advocate someone avoiding my recovering addict daughter.
Chino is offline  
The Following 5 Users Say Thank You to Chino For This Useful Post:
Ann (03-08-2014), ladyscribbler (06-02-2014), Lovenjoy (02-18-2014), nutmeg19 (10-09-2015), Vale (02-18-2014)
Old 02-06-2014, 11:35 AM
  # 32 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 102
I was married to a cocaine addict who was murdered at 24 years (due to whatever he was doing to get his drug). I was with him for ten years + , high school, sweetheart. Yes, there were many times I just wanted it all to be over, but I believed in 'til death due us part. At that time I had not knowledge of programs or resources to help. I kind of just did what I could on my own to keep our home safe and away from any drugs. He was a very good father, not provider, and good to me in that he had a very good heart (beautiful heart with the best of intentions with drug addiction in the way). It was up and down, but I always knew he loved me and that our children meant the world to him. It was so tragic to see him suffer. He would always tell me, "I don't wish addiction not even on my worst enemy." I always thought this statement from him showed what a kind heart he really had. There were many good times too, not all were bad. Most of all, I think he taught me that I had a lot of strength. He and I had three beautiful children which our all grown now. I also lived separately from him for a while prior to his death to protect our children but he was always a short distance away and always involved with our children on a daily basis. I do not regret being with him all those years. I believe it was part of my destiny somehow. I love him dearly and he is still in my heart. Thereafter, I was single for about 12 years and now am married to wonderful, supportive, caring man. What was meant to be was meant to be.
Lotusangel is offline  
The Following 8 Users Say Thank You to Lotusangel For This Useful Post:
Ann (02-07-2014), Barkley77 (09-22-2016), BreesGram (08-30-2014), cleaninLI (02-06-2014), ladyscribbler (06-02-2014), needingabreak (02-09-2014), pips198 (02-07-2014), Vale (02-18-2014)
Old 02-07-2014, 05:41 AM
  # 33 (permalink)  
Ann
Nature Girl
 
Ann's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 59,822
I am making this a Sticky Post before I forget but will leave the thread open for some time to allow others to post their thoughts.

Thank you EnglishGarden for this thread.
Ann is offline  
The Following 4 Users Say Thank You to Ann For This Useful Post:
cynical one (02-07-2014), HealingWillCome (02-08-2014), LoveMeNow (02-10-2014), Vale (02-18-2014)
Old 02-09-2014, 08:33 AM
  # 34 (permalink)  
Member
 
Hope44's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2010
Posts: 112
I found this article today and wanted to say thank you for posting. We have been at this for well over 10 times now with our almost 26 year old daughter who is addicted to heroin. This coming Wednesday she will be being released from yet another treatment center and, at this point, has no where to go. She is not allowed home and I hate to say this but I expect she will fail in her recovery. I want to say I hope I'm proved wrong but addiction has taught me to not hope in the thing hoped for, but to hope in God alone. It is so very hard and my heart goes out to all mothers, fathers, spouses, siblings and family/friends who are dealing with this. Who are watching a loved one struggle with this. Who have been abused and hurt and manipulated but stillÖ we love. It goes on and on. It is wise to seek help, support and encouragement for ourselves. With regard to my daughter I am learning to stop fretting, "What am I going to do?" and ask, instead, "God, what are You going to do?" And try to rest in thatÖ.

It is such a long and difficult road.
Hope44 is offline  
The Following 7 Users Say Thank You to Hope44 For This Useful Post:
Ann (02-09-2014), autumn2 (06-07-2014), BreesGram (08-30-2014), needingabreak (02-09-2014), njw1968 (09-26-2014), SeasonlessWorld (02-09-2014), Vale (02-18-2014)
Old 02-09-2014, 04:01 PM
  # 35 (permalink)  
Member
 
needingabreak's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Somewhere out there
Posts: 2,249
Thank you Englishgarden for such a great post. I cannot really add anything as you said it all so well. I just thank you for sharing. One of the most truthful and powerful posts I've read!
needingabreak is offline  
The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to needingabreak For This Useful Post:
Ann (03-08-2014), Ilovemysonjj (09-09-2016), Vale (02-18-2014)
Old 02-09-2014, 05:56 PM
  # 36 (permalink)  
One Day At A Time
 
PresentTense's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: The Middle Distance
Posts: 197
Thank you, English Garden (and others who posted in response) for your honesty. I too almost died trying to save my daughter, not knowing she alone had the power to save herself....

Honesty...learning to face the truth of the situtation and dealing with it as truth even though I didn't like it is what saved me. Seeing my own defects and seeking my own recovery one day at a time is what saved me and continues to heal me every day.

I just want to say the outright honesty of many of the posts here has been a huge part of my survival and I appreciate it always....
PresentTense is offline  
The Following 6 Users Say Thank You to PresentTense For This Useful Post:
Ann (03-08-2014), ladyscribbler (06-02-2014), Lovenjoy (02-09-2014), needingabreak (02-09-2014), pips198 (02-10-2014), Vale (02-18-2014)
Old 02-09-2014, 07:08 PM
  # 37 (permalink)  
Member
 
needingabreak's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Somewhere out there
Posts: 2,249
Presenttense, beautifully written. I feel the same way, appreciate everyone's honest responses. It is a huge help to all of us.
needingabreak is offline  
The Following User Says Thank You to needingabreak For This Useful Post:
Ann (03-08-2014)
Old 02-18-2014, 01:38 PM
  # 38 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: maryland
Posts: 86
i hate this post because of the painful truth that it is. I thought one go round for my husband was going to give us a new lease on life. it did...for 8 months. im not sure another go round will ever be in my future. I'm in my 20s...married and had a baby out of love. now he does everything he does, out of addiction. it doesn't work well.
anxiouswife is offline  
The Following 6 Users Say Thank You to anxiouswife For This Useful Post:
Ann (03-08-2014), BreesGram (08-30-2014), ladyscribbler (06-02-2014), SadWife7 (03-13-2014), tjp613 (02-20-2014), Vale (02-18-2014)
Old 02-18-2014, 09:10 PM
  # 39 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Utah
Posts: 32
I have struggled for years now, having an addicted daughter...when I think she is doing better and things are finally looking up, down she goes again, she is 25 years old now and this has been a battle for her for about seven years. She has been in rehab once and outpatient therapy once but she always decides she has had enough and will be fine on her own. Can I make her go to therapy again? Should I make her go to therapy? Do I tell her that I don't want to see her or hear from her again until she is clean? Do I just love her and look past the addiction while hoping and praying that someday she will overcome her addiction? I honestly don't know what to do anymore. And to top it off I have a 19 year old son who is struggling with addiction too. So what is the best thing to do????? Tell them I don't want to see them or talk to them until they are clean or just keep loving them and try to be a positive influence in their painful world? Please tell me how best to deal with this.....
Softball27 is offline  
The Following 4 Users Say Thank You to Softball27 For This Useful Post:
Ann (03-08-2014), BreesGram (08-30-2014), Lovenjoy (02-19-2014), Vale (02-18-2014)
Old 02-23-2014, 10:36 PM
  # 40 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: VA
Posts: 10
Originally Posted by Kindeyes View Post
Me too. But I may have been a little different from you. I was trying to figure out how to save my son.
Same for me. I am seeking advise on how to save my son that is in denial.
Break is offline  
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to Break For This Useful Post:
Ann (03-08-2014), BreesGram (08-30-2014)

Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off




All times are GMT -7. The time now is 12:29 PM.