Kindeyes

I have had the privilege of observing much my life from the clarity of 20/20 hindsight. I sometimes think......what would I have done differently? There are a few things that I wish I would have done but overall......I have no regrets.

I chose to leave my XAH 30 years ago. The 20/20 hindsight perspective allows me to see that I made the right decision. After spending a total of 8 years with him (three dating and five married) the whole time hoping and wishing he would change.....and eventually coming to the conclusion that......it wasn't going to happen.

And it didn't.

30 years later......my XAH is still addicted. Still struggling. Depending upon the charitable (read "enabling") behavior of his sister to sustain him.

I, on the other hand, met my current husband (not an addict, hard working, well grounded, handsome & loving) and we have shared the sorrows and joys of life together for 28 years (including owning a business together).

My son still struggles with his addiction but since going through the Salvation Army program, we have a much better relationship. I have boundaries firmly in place but am able to approach him with love, kindness, and compassion. He knows he is loved and he knows I believe in him.

I am grateful for my life.....including the challenges that I have faced. I have grown tremendously and would not have had the need to do so without the hardships in my life. Overall, there is a tremendous sense of gratitude.

What do you want your life to look like in 5......10......15......20......30 years?

gentle hugs
ke

hopeful4

Thanks for sharing KE. This has provoked alot of thought for me, I am going to do some journaling and figure out just that.

Impurrfect

KE - GREAT post! I look back on my past, and at first I think "I wish I had/hadn't done.." but then I realize something. I had to go through what I went through to get where I am.

Codependency then addiction? I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. However, I'm a much better person because of what I went through.

My future? I want to keep working my codie recovery because that is what led to my addiction and I know it can take me back down. I want to remember to be grateful for even the smallest of things.

Hugs and prayers,

Amy

Chino

Just as good as it does right now, if not even better

I recently turned 50 and soooo many people would say stuff like "you mean you're 35, right?" with a wink wink. But nope, I insisted I was 50 and claiming every bit of those years! I've worked hard to get where I am and I'm not giving back any of it!!!

Kindeyes

You GO Chino!!!! 50 Rocks!

Impurrfect

Chino - You are SO right!!! I remember when I thought 50 was old. When my mom died at that age, I realized how very young it is.

I'm 52 and damned proud of the person that I am, today. Yep, took me a lot of mistakes to get where I am, but my mom always said "everything happens for a reason" and I truly believe that.

Hugs and prayers,

Amy

Ann

I am in my 60's and truly these ARE the best years of my life. I have had my career and am at a semi-retirement stage of life when I can work when I want and where I want or not work at all if that suits me. I am married 45 years to my childhood sweetheart who still thinks I'm the best thing that every happened to him, lol, and we still have fun together seeing life as a great adventure.

I climbed a lot of mountains to get where I am today, life was not always easy and I went through some very dark years with my sons addiction, but by the grace of God and with the help of a lot of recovery friends, I found a better way to embrace life and live it to the fullest.

I hope this sense of adventure and love of life lasts another, 5, 10, 15, 20 years. In 30 years I will be 94 and maybe begin to rest up a little, or maybe I'll take up sky diving.

AnvilheadII

gosh, I'm 54 now....my daughter turns 31 on Superbowl Sunday. Hank and I have been together 11 years now. We've had the lake house for 7 years now. I've worked at the same organization for 20+ years now.

I am most certainly at the best place in my life so far. To date, I've never really planned out the next segment of years, 3, 5, 10, 30.....funny, as I am a very organized person, fond of spreadsheets, things in their place.

I hope to continue to grow and thrive...to be open to new things. to have joy and contentment flow thru my life. to love where I live.

I did just start up again with my writing course after a two year hiatus. I've made great progress on Assignment 5, considering it was a formidable wall I hit last time that stopped me in my tracks before the cursor moved one place to the right. blank page, blinking cursor....got over 1,000 words going so far. within the next 30 days I need to submit my story summary and list at least 2 magazines as possible publication markets to my instructor. today you could call me a writer.....cuz i'm writing....again....finally.

YouWillBe

The last 20 years have been a roller-coaster with many unforeseen challenges. I've had three serious illnesses, lost both of my parents and my mother in law, and suffered through the addiction of my daughter - which started when she was 25, so completely took us off guard.

I would hope that the next years bring health and contentment. I don't want to ask that bad things never again happen, because I know they will. But, I hope to be better able to handle them when they come.

I hope I live the rest of my 50's (52 now), into my 60's and beyond with a peace that passes understanding. Meaning I hope I can accept that everything awful that's happened will NEVER out-weigh all the good in my life, and it's been for my best.

I want to remember that everything has made me who I am today...and who I am today, hopefully, is someone closer to my God than ever before, and more trusting of HIS processes.

needingabreak

Gosh everything that has been written fully resonates with me! Love this thread Kindeyes.
Being 51, I too look back and see things I regret or wish I'd done differently BUT I wouldn't have learned lessons and I wouldn't be who I am today. Yes, like many answered, I hope for more peace, more understanding, patience and loads of love and joy in this next chapter of my life. I realize life has its ups and downs and there seem to be more downs the older I get but the closer I keep to God, the stronger, happier and more at peace I find myself to be. I never imagined having to deal with some of the things I have but then I look at what others have dealt with and feel blessed. I believe everything happens for a reason as well.
I think we need a women in their 50's group. Menopause anyone? *eyeroll*

Vale

Wouldn't change a thing.....

(except crossing paths with this addiction crap.)

----But if I didn't.....I'd have never met all you fine
people.....nor would I have the chutzpah to display
my superior ability to take & absorb gracefully
all of my relentless beatings courtesy of Cynical!


P.S. You're all wimps compared to me. I'm 53 and got every one of you beat....

(except Ann...and Anvil by one stinking year")

1960 was a great year!

Ann

Young whippersnapper!