rubyclaire

I just wish he would stop thinking I'm so dumb. He had been clean for six months. I noticed he was using afrin again but so wanted to believe he has a cold. It's winter, right.
I picked up his phone last night to hand it to him as a text went off. The name on the front was only two letters. Random. Signal. I went online to check the cell records this am and saw the number. Great.
And he had to run out yesterday an hour after that number called and was in a much better mood when he got back
I was letting my guard down. Believing that after a heart attack he wouldn't go back, that he wouldn't be lying to me anymore. That it really was his rock bottom. Again.
I'm going back to my dieting so I can fit in my funeral clothes. I figure this will only end when he dies.
The funny thing is, everyone is going to be shocked. He functions so well. Has a great job, a family life, I keep our financials together. Heck, I even covered the heart attack with stress issues when the doctors said there was coke in his system. I won't be shocked. I may even be relieved.

AnvilheadII

while a rational person would take a heart attack seriously - brink of death and all that, sadly for the addict surviving such a thing can feed their sense of invincibility.

really sorry ruby....

atalose

I once read that alcoholics hit rock bottom then possible take a chance at recovery

Where some addicts hit rock bottom, pick up a shovel and keep digging.

I'm so sorry your dealing with it again.

needingabreak

I'm so sorry Ruby you are going through this again. I pray he stops before anything serious or deadly happens. Drugs are the devil no doubt about it. It is like we all sit and wait for the other shoe to drop. it is not a good way to live. Please do what you can to take care of yourself. God Bless you Ruby.

BoxinRotz

I told hubby after his motorcycle accident... there are only 2 paths to walk. The road to recovery or he can continue digging. Unbelievably to me and many others, he dug and dug and dug. And only when he was ready, did he put the shovel (vodka) down. I believe his accident left him feeling invincible until he was backed into a corner (from drinking) and had to have a 1" hole bored into his head by the neuro surgeon to take pressure off his brain.

No one knows someone's bottom. By the time I thought I saw Hubby's bottom, he'd prove me wrong. I quit guessing, bitching, yelling, screaming. Just done. Sat and watched the drama.

Ann

I'm sorry Ruby. I watched my son self-destruct for years, regardless of overdoses that almost killed him, jails, hospitals...as they say in the rooms, the outcome to active addiction is jails, institutions and death. When they have the first two well covered and toy with the third it becomes hard to watch.

Prayers out for you and for him too. Addiction kills even very nice people who appear to be functioning well.

Hugs

hopeful4

Im very sorry.