How do you know they're trying?
 

If an addict says they are working on their sobriety what signs prove that to you? Do you always question their behavior?

How many meetings has this person attended?

How is their attitude? How are they working on it? Meetings; sponsor; etc.

accountability...being where they say they will be when they say they will be. actions matching words. distinct LACK of rationalization, justification, minimizing and excuses. new habits and routines.

If you can't tell they are working on their recovery, there is a good chance they aren't.

Their actions over a long course of time.

I don't know if he's going to meetings. He is not in our home or allowed to be at our home. I just wonder how we'll know it's ok/safe to let him back into his baby boy's life. We don't know what his DOC is at this time. Used to be oxy but we suspect he's moved on to something else.

MamaCas,
If you have suspicions that he is using any sort of drugs then you are probably right. That's how it's been in my experience.

As for knowing if they're working on recovery, you'll just know, because you'll be able to see a distinct difference. Especially knowing your real son's characteristics and seeing different ones is a red flag. With my grown son, it's even the littlest things, like he calls me Mama normally, but calls me Mom when he's using. Never doubt your intuition and don't let anyone else make you doubt yourself.

There's a phrase out there....

Addiction looks like addiction. Recovery looks like recovery.

DecBaby,
I really appreciate you coming here & sharing. You are a real treasure. And I really like your signature line:

Well, he reached out for help ... sort of ... and now he's gone. Said he'd do ANYTHING my daughter wanted so he could see his son and build their relationship again. She said, go to inpatient rehab. He "bargained" that he'd go to outpatient. She said, do whatever you think you need to do but you're not seeing your son until you get real help. That was Tuesday morning and no one has heard from him since.

Prior to that (Monday), his Dad came to visit and take him to the doctor to try to figure out what's wrong with him (he claims to have a seizure disorder). HELLO!!!! The AXBF dropped some medical records by our house so my daughter could see that his condition was real. The "records" were discharge papers from area ER's where he said he had a seizure and hurt his side, head, nose, _________ and in most cases his was given narcotics to "help" with the pain. All scans they did were normal. I don't really think he helped his case much by showing all that to us. Anyway, He and his dad had a great talk and dad left after getting AXBF's car out of impound, renewing his tags, getting him car insurance, getting his license reinstated, putting gas in his car, and groceries in his cabinets. So AXBF is good to go. Ha!

My devotional today was on self control and not letting other people's word/actions get me all out of control. ;D

Good Devo for today. No point in letting it get you out of control.

Hugs.

I get it now and it's sad but he is not trying. The only thing he's trying to do is manipulate all of us and demand that we let him be in control. Game over...new rules!

Here's a good rule of thumb when dealing with someone in active addiction:

If his lips are moving, he's lying.

ZoSo