Another update on CPS
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Another update on CPS
Well, the CPS person I believe has now completed her interviews. For those that don't know, my addict exBF made a false claim to CPS that I leave my daughter home alone for "several hours on several different occassions" after I wouldn't answer the door when he came banging on it when my daughter was already in bed. My daughter is 5 and i've never left her home alone ever.
When the CPS person came to my home, I hadn't yet filed for a restraining order. That came a few weeks later. After receiving texts from my exBF that he wanted me dead I filed for a PPO and the judge granted it ex parte. Thank God, the two weeks is up and i haven't received any notice that he is going to fight it. How could he? I have the texts to prove it.
The CPS person talked to my daycare provider. Of course, that went fine becuase there has never been any evidence of neglect. The CPS person called my daughter's father last week asking if he knew what the allegations were and he did. He and I have a great co-parenting relationship and are honest with each other and do the best we can as single parents to work together. The CPS person told him that there was more than just me leaving her home alone. Immediately I knew my addict ex called and told her more after receiving the PPO. I knew he would be vindictive.
When the CPS person went to my daughter's father's home he talked to them both and explained the allegations. It CLEARLY came from my ex after receiving the PPO. The CPS person told them that she doesn't see this going anywhere. My daughter's father did nothing but say the greatest things about me. They didn't even know about what I did for work, which is manage a large department in one of the top hospitals in the country. He explained what I do on a daily basis for me, my daughter and for work. They interviewed his older daughter and asked "is there anything you don't like about "feelingcrazy" and her response was "what, my other mama, NO I love her, she's fun, she spends time with me, she let's me stay with her for entire weekends, she active, she's nice, I LOVE HER." It lasted less than half an hour.
I'm so happy this is over. I haven't received any letter from them yet but she did state she sees this going nowhere. I'm so relieved. It's been the longest month and a half of my life. Last night I had the worse nightmares about my adicct exBF. I'm so glad he's gone, out of our lives for good. Now I just have to somehow deal with my feelings of hate and anger and disgust. I mean, I've never been so disgusted with a person in my life. How do you do something so low, so vile, so disgusting? Make up lies to bring in CPS into a home where you know damn well no neglect or absue is taking place? The whole week after CPS was called, all I did was receive texts and frantic calls from him about what an amazing mother I am, how he has seen what I've done day in and day out for my daughter, how well taken care of she is, how smart she is, etc. Then you get served a PPO and you retaliate by making additional false claims to CPS to ruin my life and my daughter's life? I hate him.
There was a time i blamed the drugs. I was such a fool. I splitted the good part of him and the drug part of him. What a lesson to learn. There are no two people in him. He is one person, which is an abusive, vindictive, spiteful, selfish, spoiled disgusting human being. This is not drugs. This is a personality disordered drug addict that will take down anyone around him so the focus is off of himself and everyone can go down with him.
I'm sorry for the rant. I just have to get my anger out. The best part of all of this is that his court date is next week. He's been lying to doctors to get prescritpions written for the two drugs he had on him when he was arrested to lie to the court he had a Rx for what he was arrested for. Trust me, it's taken me every bit of control to not call that prosecutor and tell them everything. Part of me said, you want to make false claims to a government agency and screw with my family, well, let's see what happens when I call the prosecutor for your case and tell them the truth and see what happens to you. I refuse to do it. That would mean I was just like him. Like my mom has said to me, let God and karma take care of him. You focus on you and your family.
Sorry for this angry rant SR gang. I'm just beyond disgusted that human beings actually act this way. God and karma. That's what I keep repeating to myself while I take deep breaths.
When the CPS person came to my home, I hadn't yet filed for a restraining order. That came a few weeks later. After receiving texts from my exBF that he wanted me dead I filed for a PPO and the judge granted it ex parte. Thank God, the two weeks is up and i haven't received any notice that he is going to fight it. How could he? I have the texts to prove it.
The CPS person talked to my daycare provider. Of course, that went fine becuase there has never been any evidence of neglect. The CPS person called my daughter's father last week asking if he knew what the allegations were and he did. He and I have a great co-parenting relationship and are honest with each other and do the best we can as single parents to work together. The CPS person told him that there was more than just me leaving her home alone. Immediately I knew my addict ex called and told her more after receiving the PPO. I knew he would be vindictive.
When the CPS person went to my daughter's father's home he talked to them both and explained the allegations. It CLEARLY came from my ex after receiving the PPO. The CPS person told them that she doesn't see this going anywhere. My daughter's father did nothing but say the greatest things about me. They didn't even know about what I did for work, which is manage a large department in one of the top hospitals in the country. He explained what I do on a daily basis for me, my daughter and for work. They interviewed his older daughter and asked "is there anything you don't like about "feelingcrazy" and her response was "what, my other mama, NO I love her, she's fun, she spends time with me, she let's me stay with her for entire weekends, she active, she's nice, I LOVE HER." It lasted less than half an hour.
I'm so happy this is over. I haven't received any letter from them yet but she did state she sees this going nowhere. I'm so relieved. It's been the longest month and a half of my life. Last night I had the worse nightmares about my adicct exBF. I'm so glad he's gone, out of our lives for good. Now I just have to somehow deal with my feelings of hate and anger and disgust. I mean, I've never been so disgusted with a person in my life. How do you do something so low, so vile, so disgusting? Make up lies to bring in CPS into a home where you know damn well no neglect or absue is taking place? The whole week after CPS was called, all I did was receive texts and frantic calls from him about what an amazing mother I am, how he has seen what I've done day in and day out for my daughter, how well taken care of she is, how smart she is, etc. Then you get served a PPO and you retaliate by making additional false claims to CPS to ruin my life and my daughter's life? I hate him.
There was a time i blamed the drugs. I was such a fool. I splitted the good part of him and the drug part of him. What a lesson to learn. There are no two people in him. He is one person, which is an abusive, vindictive, spiteful, selfish, spoiled disgusting human being. This is not drugs. This is a personality disordered drug addict that will take down anyone around him so the focus is off of himself and everyone can go down with him.
I'm sorry for the rant. I just have to get my anger out. The best part of all of this is that his court date is next week. He's been lying to doctors to get prescritpions written for the two drugs he had on him when he was arrested to lie to the court he had a Rx for what he was arrested for. Trust me, it's taken me every bit of control to not call that prosecutor and tell them everything. Part of me said, you want to make false claims to a government agency and screw with my family, well, let's see what happens when I call the prosecutor for your case and tell them the truth and see what happens to you. I refuse to do it. That would mean I was just like him. Like my mom has said to me, let God and karma take care of him. You focus on you and your family.
Sorry for this angry rant SR gang. I'm just beyond disgusted that human beings actually act this way. God and karma. That's what I keep repeating to myself while I take deep breaths.
So glad it went well, I know this has been a HUGE source of anxiety for you. The truth seems to come out when we stop protecting others and let it.
Hope you have an enjoyable, relaxing day and keep providing the stable support to your child that you do.
Hugs!
Hope you have an enjoyable, relaxing day and keep providing the stable support to your child that you do.
Hugs!
I feel your relief and am glad this turned out well. An important part of recovery is the ability to stand in our own truth, even when we stand alone. To thine own self be true...and you were.
I am glad the child's father supported you as being a good parent.
The winner in all of this is your child who will remain with a loving mother who is wise and strong.
I am glad the child's father supported you as being a good parent.
The winner in all of this is your child who will remain with a loving mother who is wise and strong.
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Thanks everyone. It feels good to do the right thing with this addict for a change. For example, he has refused to give me money he owed me or other personal belongings in the past when I left him due to drugs. This time, he has chosen he will not return my cell phone (I had to go get a new one and he promised he would mail it back which I knew was B.S.....that's his way to keep some form of sick control and reason for me to contact him). This phone had literally hundreds of pictures of my daughter from April - December 2013 and voice recordings she would leave me since she was 2 years old. i thought this was backed up on my iphone but they were not.
What I am going to do is go through my legal plan at work that I have. It costs me nothing to have an attorney draft a demand letter stating I demand he send this phone back or it will become a legal issue for him. I'm so DONE playing games with this guy. he doesn't have a right to keep something that carries that many memories of my child with him. He is sick and this is the new person, one who is playing no more games and am listening to the advice of others. There are consequences to the choices we make in life. He will soon begin to understand that with me.
What I am going to do is go through my legal plan at work that I have. It costs me nothing to have an attorney draft a demand letter stating I demand he send this phone back or it will become a legal issue for him. I'm so DONE playing games with this guy. he doesn't have a right to keep something that carries that many memories of my child with him. He is sick and this is the new person, one who is playing no more games and am listening to the advice of others. There are consequences to the choices we make in life. He will soon begin to understand that with me.
Angel, just a thought. I hope you canceled your account on that phone. Many years ago my son "lost" my cell phone...he actually sold it to a dealer and I ended up on the hook for $800 in calls.
I am glad you have a lawyer to protect your interests. It's just really really sad that with addiction it ends up like this.
Hugs to you for moving forward.
I am glad you have a lawyer to protect your interests. It's just really really sad that with addiction it ends up like this.
Hugs to you for moving forward.
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Yes, it truly is sad and even more sad it had to get to this point for me to wake up. I got a new phone the same day he told me my phone was there and he would send it back becuase I knew he wouldn't so the service was turned off the same day.
Fandy - I may be able to have my cell phone carrier retrieve them. What about the fact that if he did gain access to that phone (there is a code on there to unlock it but we all know hackers can get in) he would have access to my work information which includes hospital information. This is personal medical records, H.R. information, financial information, you name it!
I spoke to one attorney today. He told me it would cost me nothing to have an attorney draft a letter through my legal plan. He gave me options like having my exBFs local police department call him or even a prosecutor in our county. I could even have my hospital police department call him. I don't want that much drama. I just want the phone back. Period. I have to do my due diligence in protecting the information that is in that phone and I have a right to have my daughter's memories preserved. Period.
The attorney I spoke to was in the county where my work is. It is a different county to where my ex and I live. After thinking about it, I am going to call an attorney in the plan that is in the same county as my ex and I live in. That way if this goes any further into legal action, the attorney is in the same county. They thought that was a good idea as well.
Why does it have to be so much drama?
Fandy - I may be able to have my cell phone carrier retrieve them. What about the fact that if he did gain access to that phone (there is a code on there to unlock it but we all know hackers can get in) he would have access to my work information which includes hospital information. This is personal medical records, H.R. information, financial information, you name it!
I spoke to one attorney today. He told me it would cost me nothing to have an attorney draft a letter through my legal plan. He gave me options like having my exBFs local police department call him or even a prosecutor in our county. I could even have my hospital police department call him. I don't want that much drama. I just want the phone back. Period. I have to do my due diligence in protecting the information that is in that phone and I have a right to have my daughter's memories preserved. Period.
The attorney I spoke to was in the county where my work is. It is a different county to where my ex and I live. After thinking about it, I am going to call an attorney in the plan that is in the same county as my ex and I live in. That way if this goes any further into legal action, the attorney is in the same county. They thought that was a good idea as well.
Why does it have to be so much drama?
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Oh and another thing a friend of mine pointed out to me today was that in that PPO order, it specifically states he cannot interfere with my work. I would have never thought about that but it is true. He not returning a phone which he knows I rely on EVERY day for work and that has sensitive information regarding my work in it, including lost contacts and emails, I believe is a violation of the PPO.
Again, I hope this doesn't turn into a huge drama ridden scenario like it always has. I'm finally standing up for myself SR for the first time in over 3 years and it feels good. I got so used to the chaos, dysfunction and drama I couldn't even tell right from wrong anymore!
Again, I hope this doesn't turn into a huge drama ridden scenario like it always has. I'm finally standing up for myself SR for the first time in over 3 years and it feels good. I got so used to the chaos, dysfunction and drama I couldn't even tell right from wrong anymore!
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Angel, if the phone is off then he can't use it to access anything like work records, can he? And it has a security code, so how would he get on? The hacking thing sounds a little far-fetched IMHO. If you don't want any more drama, maybe you should just let the phone go and use all the energy you're putting into this to focus on you and your child?
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So I am supposed to let go of all of my daughter's memories for the last three years becuase of a drug addict vindictive human being? No, not willing to go there. There are MANY ways he could access records to this phone. Many. I want that phone back and my daughter's memories are worth it. Period. He doesn't get to take that away from me at all.
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The only other option would be to have my sister text him and tell him to return that phone to their home. I would welcome your opinions but given the fact there is a PPO I really don't want that form of communication between my family and him. I don't want the drama. He's taken enough from our lives. He doesn't get to do this. Do you all disagree? If I'm being irrational, please let me know but I don't think I am.
Do I believe he is vindictive enough to get into my work stuff and get into that phone? Yes I do. I wouldn't put anything past him at all.
Do I believe he is vindictive enough to get into my work stuff and get into that phone? Yes I do. I wouldn't put anything past him at all.
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I have found in break-ups that things aren't always settled fairly, and sometimes I have just had to accept that in order to move on. Trying to even the score can really prolong the pain of a break up. This CPS thing is finally over, you finally have no more reason to be in touch with him, and now you're fixating on the phone thing. You're already anticipating the drama it will cause. Are those pictures really worth more to you than your peace of mind? I don't say this to be mean, I am just thinking about how to prevent this drama you are so worried about.
I have to agree with jjj on this one...let it go and move on with your life. I can't tell you how many times I've had to let things go in life in order to have peace and tranquility. Those things just are not worth the chaos.....use that energy to create new memories and pictures with your child. The time and energy you would be devoting to getting your phone back....would be better spent on your daughter. Life isn't always fair. Haven't you wasted enough time and energy on this looser? He probably sold the phone for drugs...if it's memories you're holding on to....they could be long gone.
Hi Angel, if it was just the pictures of your daughter there might be a case for forgetting about the phone, but as it impacts on your work and client confidentiality, I think you are right to go after it. The police section of your hospital could get involved. Your EXBF might not have any respect for you, but getting the authorities involved will probably make him think twice.
If you think it is a hospital matter, let them know asap about a possible breach of confidentiality, so it can be said you took due care.
Good luck.
If you think it is a hospital matter, let them know asap about a possible breach of confidentiality, so it can be said you took due care.
Good luck.
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I understand what you are saying JJJ and cleanin, I really do. The other few times we broke up I just wrote off anything that belonged to me or money he owed me after asking for it a few times. This is different. I will call our IT security department today before I have an attorney write a letter. The other option would be to have my hospital security officers (which are actual police officers) call him and ask him to return it. I know a few of them since I've had meetings with them in regards to dealing with other employee issues. I could ask them to call him and ask him to return the phone to my hospital security office and explain the security breach. Problem is I can only imagine what this addict would say to them on the phone to humiliate me. I don't trust him. I know I shouldn't be afraid but remember this is the person who could actually file false claims to CPS. However, the PPO does state that he is not to interfere with my work which is something I was reminded of.
It seemed the easiest, non threatening way to deal with this is to have an attorney draft a letter to him. Bringing security and officers into this would be more threatening. I would welcome your suggestions on how to go about it in the best way. I do value your advice on this board. again, I'm finally wising up and willing to listen to suggestions like I did when I got the PPO.
Thanks everyone.
It seemed the easiest, non threatening way to deal with this is to have an attorney draft a letter to him. Bringing security and officers into this would be more threatening. I would welcome your suggestions on how to go about it in the best way. I do value your advice on this board. again, I'm finally wising up and willing to listen to suggestions like I did when I got the PPO.
Thanks everyone.
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I'm not sure, but I think you can have your phone carrier lock him out of your phone remotely....you can turn it off and change the number, get your files back and the phone is useless.
I do understand that you don't want him to have any banking and email information, but again, you can change those passwords very easily as I'm sure it's been recommended.
I do understand that you don't want him to have any banking and email information, but again, you can change those passwords very easily as I'm sure it's been recommended.
Angel I think I missed the part about having private work info on the phone. I see what you are saying now. Yes, there is no harm in getting that attorney to write a letter, I just hope it doesnt cause more retaliation on his part. He seems very vindictive! Do you think he still has the phone? Not to project and get you thinking of worse case scenarios, but what if he says he doesn't have it? What could you do then? Not to dwell on that, just curious, not sure of the next course of action.
Yes I think fandy's right....never did that myself though.......have you checked with your phone carrier?
Yes I think fandy's right....never did that myself though.......have you checked with your phone carrier?
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I checked with my phone carrier today. There is no way for them to get any of my files. Lesson learned. I now know the right way to use iCloud on my new iPhone to back everything up.
I just got off hte phone with an attorney. She will have the letter drafted by tomorrow. She is considering this theft as he will not return it. She will give him 7 days to return it. If we don't hear back from him, I will assume he smashed it up, threw it out, sold it, whatever he does when he wants to be a vindictive brat when he doesn't get his way.
I just got off hte phone with an attorney. She will have the letter drafted by tomorrow. She is considering this theft as he will not return it. She will give him 7 days to return it. If we don't hear back from him, I will assume he smashed it up, threw it out, sold it, whatever he does when he wants to be a vindictive brat when he doesn't get his way.
Well good luck Angel I hope you get your phone back. The other night my hubby left my phone in the taxi. When we called the company, (not even 15 mins. Later) they asked all the cabbies and no-one said they found it. But, when we called it someone had turned it off so we couldn't trace it. Grrr! Unfortunately, we didn't have it set up with I-cloud properly either. Now I know better, but had to learn the hard way.
Maybe with all his legal problems the letter will frighten him enough that he will send it to you. We can only hope I guess.
Oh, I did want to say I'm glad everything is working out in your favor with cps.
Maybe with all his legal problems the letter will frighten him enough that he will send it to you. We can only hope I guess.
Oh, I did want to say I'm glad everything is working out in your favor with cps.
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