heartstone

So sorry to hear this. I know how it feels when that rug gets pulled out from under you. My son isn't willing to do the work either and until he does, I feel like he'll always relapse. It seems that for my son, getting clean is only half the battle, and it never sticks because he never changes inside himself. My enabling didn't help of course but I'm working hard on that now. I must say I really admire your resolve, you have your boundaries in place and seem very in control. I hope you enjoy visiting with your parents, and all goes well at home.

Jend719

"My son does not want to put in the work. He just wants the feelings to go away"

Omg yes yes yes!! That's my AD. I'm glad that you are still going to see your parents. Realistically, you know there will be drama to deal with whether you stay or go ...so at least you will get to spend some time with them. The roller coaster will be waiting when you get back I'm sure. Try to make the best of your time with them.

Fandy

You have a double whammy with your mom's dementia and your son. You won't regret spending time with your parents...my mother went downhill very quickly and passed away 2 years after we moved her to a nursing home.
I put my daughter's issues on the back burner during that time...she does not have substance addiction, but drinks heavily and I can see the progression. I sit on my tongue and withdraw after I give my unwanted statements.
have a safe trip.
your son is fortunate that he has a girlfriend, how much will she put up with?

Ann

Wise words for us all to remember. This is their journey and their battle to fight...and hopefully win on their own.

needingabreak

I agree TX. Because we own a business and his Gf worked for us and told people seems everyone around us knew. Now we just don't talk about it, except to a close friend or two. I dont even tell my daughter anymore because then I'd have to listen to her bitch about what a terrible person he is and how he can't seem to ever get his sh*t together. The last thing I need to deal with is her carrying on. I am upset a sit is KWIM?
Lots of snow coming here today. Our flight is in the early afternoon so hoping we can make it out but if not, we'll leave in a couple days. No biggie. No use getting upset over something that hasn't happened or that we can't control right????!!!

soberhawk

Prayers to your family from over here, I do hope he will find the strength to recover from this.

needingabreak

Thank you everyone. We made it safely. He knows his GF is losing patience but she cares. We know my son loves us and cares but he is very self centered. Again, he acts very young at times. He has a lot of growing up to do.
If he wants to stop for good he'll make the effort. Yes, it is HIS life and HIS journey. Was one of the hardest things for me to accept.

Fandy

You are handling it well, I know it tears you up on the inside... my last contact with my own daughter was January 10, plus I sent a card for her birthday which was January 14.
No response... ( I did not include a check).
She can figure it out herself, I told her I was no longer bailing her out of her financial problems...she can screech to others.
how dumb is it to ruin your life /drugs with alcohol...she makes light of the issues that are ruining her life.

needingabreak

My AS called yesterday and said he is going to go back to the counselor. I say very little as I do not want to nag or get too involved. I told him it sounded like a good idea and told him all he has to do is take it one day at a time and staying sober was the most important thing right now, not to take on anything else. He seems to understand but time will tell. I am so afraid to hope because as we know, good intentions are not the same as actually doing.....especially with a drug addict. I'll just keep praying that he wants this badly enough to do some serious work.

Txhelp

needingabreak...I try so hard not to hope. I even remind myself to stay in the present. What is happening now.

So far my kids are in a good place. So far....I don't want to get carried away.

devastated

Hello

My heart is breaking for you because when I read your post it reminded me of my past life.

The life where I just wanted to roll up in a ball and stay there. The life where I was always waiting for the next shoe to drop! I hated that life, and the time I wasted worrying instead of praying.

I do agree with you though. There is something you can do and that is, as you said, support him when he is ready to take care of himself. Until that time, you need to work on taking care of you! It is so hard, I know. But believe me I wasted 35 years trying to "fix" him and all I did was postpone the enevitable.

The only other thing I might suggest is do not give him too much information as to when your house will be empty!! Sad to say, but true you have to protect your belongings!!

Keep the faith. Ann told me once everything was going to be ok, and you know what, when I finally believe it, it happened!

Hugs, Devastated