anotherfool

So the A pings my FB messaging every other week or so. I've ignored it since oct/nov sometime. The messages are getting sadder (as expected), and I'm tempted to reply.

So here's the Q: is is possible, for me to reply in a sane and responsible (to myself) fashion? Or is it just too likely I'll get dragged down into the nonsense?

My feelings for her are, I care, and she matters, and I want her to know that, nothing else.

I want to believe I can do it appropriately, but if it goes off the rails and I dive headlong into Codie-land.....well, then....that's a stupid idea.

I'm not sure really why I care, as she seems to be a long way from the bottom, but my general sense towards her is similar to how I feel about the folks at the shelter, they're still human, and still worthy of being treated with dignity, within the limits of self preservation.

Go ahead, give me the truth.

hopeful4

Truth is...it's a bad idea. They are getting sadder by way to drag you in. If you reply...they continue. If you do not, eventually it will stop.

HumbleNumb

The sadder the message, the less likely you will get out of it unscathed...
Don't fall for it. I believe someone else said it recently, but it applies here:

"the dog is not that skinny"...

hopeful4

I said "The Dog is Not That Skinny" LOL!

HumbleNumb

I thought it was you hopeful4! But I wasn't sure... and I didn't want to give credit for that pearl to anyone it didn't rightly belong to... HAHAHAHAHA!

So true! I will cherish it!

hopeful4

You know what's funny, I was mad when I typed that. I really did not think it was funny at all until afterwords. It is funny...but so very very true. Glad it brought some laughs!

AnvilheadII

it's FACEBOOK, for pete's sake. i mean how much effort does THAT take? you have two choices....block her and save yourself a lot of angst, or keep this form of "contact" and let yourself get sucked back in.

atalose

What about YOUR self-preservation? Your feelings? Your dignity?

You say: your not sure really why you care and that you feel similar to how you feel about the folks at the shelter, they are human and worthy of being treated with dignity…………engaging via facebook with an active alcoholic has nothing at all to do with treating them with dignity. You’ve ignored them thus far so keep on going in that POSITIVE direction for yourself.

Raider

What does that mean, the dog ain't that skinny?

Anotherfool you care and she matters to you. No advice here. Good luck friend.

hopeful4

Someone was saying the other day that their child was wanting to come home because odd men were hitting on her (I believe she was staying on the couch of a friend) and her dog is skinny. I said that she had the offer of sober housing and had turned it down. That if she would stop using she would have a place to stay without odd men hitting on her. Apparently it does not bother her that much and the dog is not that skinny. Conversation ensued from there....

HumbleNumb

^^^ and it was SPOT ON! We have to remind ourselves sometimes that the sob stories are sob stories for a reason...

Raider

Thanks. Too funny.

needingabreak

Just like you say the people in shelter are human and you care for them-let someone else not attached deal with her. She will pull you in and drag you into the mud. It's just the way it is. Ignore and it will stop. You cannot help her. She can only help herself.

Txhelp

hopeful that was my thread that you were replying to!!!

And guess what??! The dog isn't that skinny. She looks normal and is staying with us!!! LOL!

YOU were right!!!!

Anotherfool...I think the others are right. Block her and let her go. You will get dragged down. She is human and worth a lot more than she is allowing for herself. You can't do a darn thing about it and your words are fruitless if she's using.