MamaCas

My daughter's ex-fiance/father of her child is the addict in our life. Tomorrow, he will be evicted from his apartment (barring his parents catching up the rent and 'saving the day'). Honestly, I'm taking this as a good thing since there's no hope for any type of recovery as long as he's "comfortable".

According to the landlord, all his belongings that are left will be thrown out. So, the beautiful crib that was purchased for my grandson, and used only one time, will be in the trash. While I know material possesions aren't important, I can't help but feel sick over it. Luckily (ha!), he already pawned my daugther's tv so it's getting good use somewhere. Maybe the crib is already gone too??? If not, I think I will drive over there and take a picture of it in the dumpster as a reminder of how far someone will go to protect their addiction. I just can't get over the sadness of it all!

hopeful4

I am so sorry. Any chance of the landlord letting you come retreive any of it before they trash it?

It is amazing what people are willing to lose for addiction. Some don't seem to have a "bottom" so to speak, that is hard to accept.

God Bless.

MamaCas

No, we can't come get any of it since my daughter's name isn't on the lease. I offered to buy it but they won't allow that either.

You're right, it is hard to accept! Thank you so much for your support.

Raider

I'm so sorry.

Twofish

Dear Mamacas, I too, am very sorry this has plagued your family and I too care about possessions and memories. Can your daughter ask the EBF if she can buy the crib from him? Or, if you're on good terms with his parents, ask them to retrieve or get it for you?
Addiction does such horrible thing to families. You have my support and a big HUG!

MamaCas

Thank you Twofish! We are on good terms with his parents (as long as we don't say their son is an addict) but they live three hours away and wouldn't take the time to come help us. I don't know if they even know this is about to happen. My daughter has tried to get in touch with him but he doesn't respond. He doesn't know we know about the eviction but he has a very nice landlord who has kept us in the loop. There will be a warrant issued tomorrow if he hasn't vacated the property so he will most likely be in jail since he has other warrants. We're thinking about finding out when they're going to clean out his place and might be waiting by the dumpster to go through the "trash".

Twofish

I was thinking about your situation while I was sitting around waiting for my son to get done with drivers ed class, too much time to think I guess.
Anyway, can you contact the EBF? Will he talk to you? Cause my 2ADs are constantly in need of money. Maybe you could offer to buy the crib from him? Addicts eyes open wide at the thought of $50 bucks. Maybe he would sell it to you, then if you ever get another grand baby, you would have the crib? Just a thought. I know lots of people watch the garbage when evictions happen, would the landlord sell/give it to you once he is out? I assume the landlord clears out the apartment once the eviction is served? I've never been evicted so I don't want to tell you something that's illegal or not true. This EBF, HE knows he's being evicted? I hope you get it back for a future grand baby or for a spare to a friend. Good luck and keep us posted. TF

MamaCas

I think we could try offering him money for it but I don't know. He was served a 10-day eviction notice but he isn't very good at paying attention to things so he may not realize that tomorrow is his last day. I know it sounds harsh but I really hope nothing/no one interferes and stops the eviction. He needs it! Thank you for thinking of me and for the advice!

Ann

Please don't offer him money, he'll take the money and you still won't get the crib. Sadly, I know all too well how this works.

I am so sorry this is happening to you but mama to mama I can only suggest that you take the lesson and learn and don't let the crib pull you down. I will be there for you or it won't, I hope it is.

Hugs

MamaCas

Thank you, Ann. I understand what you're saying. I don't really want to buy his drugs so I probably won't offer money. The crib really isn't that big of a deal. To me, it's just a symbol of how bad his addiction is. His sweet baby is only 5 months old and is the very last thing on his mind. Just sad...

Ann

I know the sadness for the babies, it's tragic how addiction is stronger than the love for a child.

Keeping you and your family in my prayers.

Hugs

needingabreak

So very sorry this is happening. I understand the bad feeling about the crib. It isn't the fact that you care so much about the money but what it symbolizes. I too would wait by and take it before it hits the garbage, if you could. I only feel this way because I hate seeing things wasted. I wish you the best in whatever happens. having to deal with addiction is so sad, especially when children are involved. I will be praying for your family mamacas!

Twofish

Hi Mamacas! Well, how,did he take the eviction? Or did he get rescued by his dad again? What's the word on the crib? Maybe he would just give it to you? Guess it's not that big of a deal. How are doing? Hugs! TF

MamaCas

Hi Twofish! I'm not sure if his Dad paid the rent but I will know after I talk to the sherrif's office. EBF had until midnight last night to vacate the apartment. I'm waiting until noon to call the sherrif to see if he did and then we're going to call the landlord and try to work something out. If he did not vacate a warrant will be issued and he'll have to appear in court within the next 48 hours. At that time, he'll be given an absolute date he has to be out. IF that happens, we're going to try to talk to him about letting us get the baby furniture before he leaves. However, he is not communicating so I don't know. We may be able to get his parents involved once we know it's a done deal and no rent was paid. They are in complete denial about their son's addiction but they do love their grandson and I'm praying this is a real eye-opener.
Thank you for checking on me. I know you have your own problems to worry about. It means so much to have a place to come and vent and know someone is listening. I have this odd peace today that I haven't felt in a long time.

Hugs to you too!

Twofish

Hey, yes I do have enough problems to share with the whole world, if they want them.
I'm a people person in isolation, so my needs are met by thinking about your situation, believe me, the distraction about your situation is welcomed.
I felt an odd peace yesterday too, maybe because I just stop caring for awhile, not stopped loving my daughter, I always will love her, not her addiction.
The trouble has already started up again today for me and it's only 8:30am!
Anyway, I hope you get some of your "stuff" returned, that would be nice, wouldn't it?
Support is always a good thing. Take care TF

MamaCas

Well, Daddy Warbucks came through with the rent $$. I was furious when I found out and I lashed at at the EBF's mother. Took the afternoon off work to deal with my emotions. Stupid thing is...I'm drowning in my sorrows and EBF is living the "good" life.

MamaCas

A big boundary was set tonight by my daughter ... The XBF can't be around the baby until he's clean. This step should've been taken a long time ago! Of course this caused a riot because according to XBF he's completely clean and has been for months!!! Yeah right. My daughter refused to listen to his rant and blocked him from her phone for the night...just for a little peace. Then she sat on the couch and cried and vented all the feelings she'd kept bottled up. Her Dad and I just listened. Maybe this is progress???

Vale

I once read a story about a baby's crib.....and not knowing what to do with it.

A young couple, very much in love-----both with each other and their baby to
be. They talked to the baby, sang to the baby, made jokes about the baby....
and more than anything else in all the world--anticipated the baby.

But the baby never came. The reasons were medical/technical/unimportant.
Addiction is an empty crib. Surrendering the dreams of tomorrow.People spending
their hard earned money so a new baby can have a nice crib...so full of hope
are they.........



I don't know what to say MamaCas; this is quite possibly the saddest thing
I have ever read on SR.

Twofish

Dear MamaCas, I had a feeling that his parents would rescue him, again!! So frustrating!
Hey, if he's so dam clean, request a drug screen test in a condition to any visitation rights, lets hope he doesn't get private visitation! That would be horrible, a disaster.
At least your daughter is starting to come around, see the sky between the trees.
You may need some legal opinions, he's gonna take this to court for visitation, he will have to pay support (whoops, his parents will be paying I assume) make a clean drug screen a condition of visitation, plus support?
Of course, your sweet daughter, she's in pain, when she should be in the happiest time of her life. Enjoying that precious baby boy. Will she be on board for him being clean with visitation?
Keep being strong for you and your sweet family. Give that grandson a big kiss from TF

MamaCas

Thank you TF! I am sad today but thankful that our grandson can be the focus instead of his Dad.

Just for today...