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Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 1,405
Twofish,
I highly recommend the book The Lost Years to any mother (or father) of an addicted daughter (or son). It is written by professional interventionist Kristina Wandzilak and co-authored by her mom. It's a gritty story at times, but so far it's had a 20+ year happy ending.
And, hope you had a great birthday!
I highly recommend the book The Lost Years to any mother (or father) of an addicted daughter (or son). It is written by professional interventionist Kristina Wandzilak and co-authored by her mom. It's a gritty story at times, but so far it's had a 20+ year happy ending.
And, hope you had a great birthday!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Dallas TX
Posts: 2,282
Originally Posted by Twofish 
Vale, Your cyber voice made me smile, could be the best gift I could get this year for my birthday! You seriously dried my tears. TF
I'm glad, Twofish.
But, to be honest, my curiosity is killing me..........
(Whatever happened to OneFish, and Redfish & Bluefish?)
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: WI
Posts: 1,426
Vale, Not sure what you you are thinking about, but last night was sad for this old girl and that's all I want to say about it. Next year, can only get better.
As far as today goes, my priority is my son and me.
I'm sure you can imagine why I say that.
Blinders are now off.
As far as today goes, my priority is my son and me.
I'm sure you can imagine why I say that.
Blinders are now off.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Dallas TX
Posts: 2,282
The Dr. Seuss reference...............
"One fish,Two fish, redfish, bluefish"
----that I inferred your 'handle' derived from.
(see new avatar <<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<)
I'm sorry you had a sad night. Sorry for the misplaced humor. None of this is
funny or ever has been. Humor is how I sometimes cope. Addiction is (by far)
the least funny thing I've ever run across-----and that is as true an epitaph
and/or punchline as anything I have ever written here on SR.
"One fish,Two fish, redfish, bluefish"
----that I inferred your 'handle' derived from.
(see new avatar <<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<)
I'm sorry you had a sad night. Sorry for the misplaced humor. None of this is
funny or ever has been. Humor is how I sometimes cope. Addiction is (by far)
the least funny thing I've ever run across-----and that is as true an epitaph
and/or punchline as anything I have ever written here on SR.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: NJ
Posts: 20,458
Originally Posted by Fandy
One Fish, Two Fish, Red Fish, Blue Fish!
"you have brains in your head and feet in your shoes and the wisdom to go wherever you choose"....( I am channeling Dr. Suess here, one of my idols...along with Bugs Bunny).
Attachment 20881
wishing you a very happy day and year.....take care of yourself.
"you have brains in your head and feet in your shoes and the wisdom to go wherever you choose"....( I am channeling Dr. Suess here, one of my idols...along with Bugs Bunny).
Attachment 20881
wishing you a very happy day and year.....take care of yourself.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: WI
Posts: 1,426
Kat, Yes, I have no choice anymore. One day at a time, one second at a time.
My way of parenting/loving an addict was/is toxic and very much not working. It is wrong and making their/my life miserable.
I am really praying that God doesn't give me another disaster to handle or look at today. My brain is tired and can't think at the moment. And it's snowing again. TF
My way of parenting/loving an addict was/is toxic and very much not working. It is wrong and making their/my life miserable.
I am really praying that God doesn't give me another disaster to handle or look at today. My brain is tired and can't think at the moment. And it's snowing again. TF
Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: NJ
Posts: 20,458
2fish, you are not the only parent who has tried to love their child/adult child sober....if it worked, there would far less addiction.
everyone has a saturation point, you're done, overdone, can't do one more thing for them...
You may find that you need to regroup by stepping away and gain some calm better perspective. Self preservation to care for your son.
and the weather certainly doesnt improve my outlook either.
everyone has a saturation point, you're done, overdone, can't do one more thing for them...
You may find that you need to regroup by stepping away and gain some calm better perspective. Self preservation to care for your son.
and the weather certainly doesnt improve my outlook either.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: WI
Posts: 1,426
I never said I was the only parent going thru this or the only parent at my breaking point. Don't twist my words. SR has always been a calm place for me to go and to vent at times, please, Fandy, don't chase me away again. I say that with the most respect for you, TF
Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Posts: 845
TF, I think maybe Fandy was just trying to let you know that you're not alone? I shouldn't speak for her, but I do want to say that I'm sorry for what you're going through and know it's not easy. None of us has all the answers. I have some idea how very hard it is to be in the middle of the kind of storm you're suffering through because I grew up with two alcoholic parents, and have lived through a lot of chaos. It's hard sometimes to watch someone else suffer through that without trying to fix it. Like many others here, I found SR because I have codependent tendencies and have a hard time letting go of my urge to fix other people's problems. It's something I learned very young while dealing with my parents. I've made a little progress at stopping the fixing with other people in my lives, but sometimes on SR, that fixer comes out! I'm sorry if I've given you unwanted advice. You are a strong lady, and I think you have the wisdom to find your own way. Wishing you peace, TF!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 1,062
Hey TF,
I hope you can give yourself and your tired brain a rest today.
More snow!!! Wow, it just hasn't stopped up there all winter has it!!
How about getting a nice novel and head out to a quiet coffee shop and sip a nice warm tea or coffee and reading for an hour or two all by yourself??
Try something kind and quiet today if you can. Even if for just awhile. Recharge your soul sweetie....
I hope you can give yourself and your tired brain a rest today.
More snow!!! Wow, it just hasn't stopped up there all winter has it!!
How about getting a nice novel and head out to a quiet coffee shop and sip a nice warm tea or coffee and reading for an hour or two all by yourself??
Try something kind and quiet today if you can. Even if for just awhile. Recharge your soul sweetie....
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: In a good place
Posts: 4,482
Originally Posted by Twofish
My way of parenting/loving an addict...
We were practically yelled at to stop parenting, when we kept coming up with excuses.
They are legal adults and can no longer be legally protected by us. Our legal system has declared they are adults and expects/demands they act like one. We can't ground them or send them to their rooms unless they are willing, and they for damn sure are not willing. They have literally taken control of their existence and are 1000% out of our control.
Them living in our homes is not a sign of willingness to be parented. It is a sign of mooching.
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