gothbarbie

I'm sure all of you are familiar with my story. If not here's a brief summary: I was in a relationship with an opiate addict for 2 and a half years on & off. We lived together for a year up until he went to rehab & broke up with me 4 months ago & I was pretty much left broke & homeless & had to move back to my hometown 2000 miles away & live with family. It's felt like an absolute eternity, but I am going to move back to CA with only my car , 2 suitcases of clothes, shoes, jewelry & my dignity. I miss the life i had before he screwed me over so I'm going back to what is home in my eyes. I'm feeling somewhat anxious & scared that it might trigger me into a huge relapse of depression from missing him. We've been no contact for 4 months now which is probably nothing to some of you but to me it's been very hard. Do opiate addicts ever return to their ex's after awhile of no contact?? I won't lie & say I don't miss him and wouldn't take him back if he ever came back clean. I'm not sure how his recovery has been, like I stated ^ above, I haven't tried reaching out to him bc I was afraid of him breaking my heart all over again / I want time to myself to get to know ME again. Why am I scared to go home back to CA? I am currently in a sate of deep depression due to hating where I've been living these last 3 months....

EternalQ

"Do opiate addicts ever return to their ex's after no contact?" (Quote)

Sounds like you are still feeling pretty "other" focused. You have been through a lot and need some self nurturing no doubt. How would it be if whenever you focus on him, you instead bring your attention back to your own self care and focus on that?

Have you tried Codependents Anonymous groups and reading books like Codependent No More? Many people recovering from addictive relationships credit these kinds of tools with complety changing the way they look at life and getting the inner strength they need to focus on their own self worth.

It is a tough road and you will feel anxious at first. But you are reclaiming your life so anxiety in learning to do that is completely natural.

Hawkeye13

California's a big place.

Be honest with yourself. Are you going out there looking for him,
going back to his hangout places, etc.?

If you are you are asking for it all to start again.
I think you should "listen" to his past actions and keep working on healing yourself
and moving on. Other posters are right about this.

I wish you the best but it sure sounds like you aren't down with the
merry-go-round just yet. Maybe you should give it another month
at home and really work on your co-dependency issues first.

I know that isn't what you want to hear, but it is really meant to help

gothbarbie

no actually I'm moving 6 hours north of him and am going back for me only. I only asked if they return to their exs. after no contact out of curiosity as I've never dealt. with this type of break up before. I am currently working on me and me only. I can't stay here. any longer BC. Iit is completely depressing here and I had more of a fun lifestyle out there before I met. him. I just hate feeling so much anxiety about being triggered. obviously I'm not a corked BC otherwise I would've contacted him by now.

Hawkeye13

Glad to hear it!
As an ex-northern Californian, I am obliged to say
it's better up north anyway

gothbarbie

I agree! the scenery is much more peaceful to look at

gothbarbie

Does anyone else have any experience with this they'd like to share with me?

gothbarbie

Anyone out there???

bluebelle

I don't have direct experience with your question. When I was younger, I went through a couple big break ups with a guy who was a sex addict. Our relationship had that constant push and pull, too. He would love me, and then want to break up with me. We broke up once, and got back together. The second time we broke up (issue of infidelity), we stayed broken up.

It wasn't a healthy relationship for me. I felt elated when he said he loved me, and extremely hurt when he no longer cared. Our relationship was always a yo yo and I let him walk all over me too many times. I was terrified of being apart from him, so I put up with more than I should.

Several things helped me with the break up, including I went to see a counselor. I also started to rebuild my life--learned how to do things on my own, and found some new activies that I enjoyed. I would strongly recommend you read Codependent No More, and that you find help for yourself. When I now look back at that relationship, I'm amazed at how much time I spent dedicated to that boyfriend, how one sided our relationship was, how much I put up with. I wish now that I hadn't spent so much of my life and time on him.

I don't know your history, but I was raised without a father--my bio father was a jerk. I think I have a much harder time leaving relationships with men because of the lack of a father figure.

gothbarbie

yea I'm trying now to rebuild a life for myself as it has been very difficult to say the least. Are you sure he wasn't on drugs & also a sex addict? Mine wasn't a sex addict & as far as I know he was loyal to me, but the push & pull crap got to be too much after a while & well he left me once again... Still haven't heard anything from him but not looking for it anymore either. whatever happens happens :/