Nightmare
 

The last few days have been a nightmare. My husband begged me for a week straight to come home because he had enough of the life he was living (meth iv hard user). I refused. He continued to beg & beg & make promise after promise. He said he wanted rehab & said he was 100% serious & to please help him. Eventually (& soooooo stupidly) I relented & he came back with a strict set of conditions. Once here the nightmare begun & i knew it was all a lie. He was angry, violent & completely out of control. He accused me of having a new boyfriend (which I don't and don't have time for!). I even went outside once to get something out our vehicle & he said I was meeting my new lover. Meanwhile I have no idea what he does! He slept, ate, slept, ate & argued. I said nothing, did nothing but he still picked on me. He wasnt interested in talking about anything normal. He spent the last 2 days on his cell phone making secret calls & messages. I didn't even ask who he was messaging. I guess I've detached & besides of course it was drug related. About an hour ago he went outside & just disappeared. He has no clothes, no wallet but I'm locking the doors & hoping he doesn't come back! I'm so exhausted. He will come back though, at least for his things. Maybe tomorrow maybe in a weeks time.
He is NOT the same man I fell in love with. He is a monster & clearly not ready to get off drugs.
So I'm done now. If/when he begs for my help again I will turn off my phone & not feel guilty like every other time in the past. I feel sad for him & the life we had but I realise now that is well & truly gone. It's like he's died & I can't even recognise him anywhere inside.
I feel so stupid for believing him. This past few days was definitely my fault for not trusting my gut. Why do I keep giving him so many chances?! Enough now. I'm reading 'codependency no more' & always on here. Im getting stronger

Hi Needing, I am sorry you are going through all this and I think you allowed him back in because you love him and wanted to give him one more shot. Dug addicts know how to get to their loved ones and manipulate. They know exactly what to say. Now that you have learned he was lying, you sound pretty resolute and know what you need to do. No need to beat yourself up over believing him. You can never say you didn't try! Now it is time to take care of yourself. If you can, I would change the locks and put his things somewhere outside. He sounds very unstable. it is very sad when you see nothing of the person you once knew them to be. That is what drugs do.

I loved the book and found it very helpful. I hope things get better for you. Hugs.

Can he get in the house anyway?
He may "help himself" to your stuff if things keep going downhill.
Have you thought of changing the locks?

Maybe you should pack his things for him and be ready to leave them
outside a locked door instead of letting him in again.
That might anger him, but you have a right to feel safe.

(Ha--I just saw needingabreak and I gave the exact same advice and posted it at the same time :))

So sorry to hear that. Take care of yourself.

Thks for the speedy responses guys. I hid the house key before I let him back 4 or so days ago just incase. Last time I let him back in his 'final chance' he took the car & car keys with the house key which made me very anxious.
There is no way he can come inside, unless one of our small children open the door to their daddy... which has also happened in the past.
If I don't let him back in if he comes back he will get angry. Likely smashing things outside trying to get in. He threatened last time. I need to get strong & just call 911. I haven't wanted to call them (&still don't) but I realise now how mad he has become & I'm pretty scared. Love the old man, terrified of the new meth 'man' that's replaced him...
And yes needingabreak, I'm resolute now - I pray I stay this way!!! Even when I'm feeling miserable & he is begging again to see his kids I hope I stay resolute.
And hawk, sorry to say he has already helped himself to lots of my things. Ghee 2013 sucked! Worst & craziest 12 months of my life. Hello 2014!

Just wondering, do you think he was just lying to come home for a few days or could he have really had enough but just couldn't/wouldn't last without drugs? How do you know if someone really wants help & if they are just manipulating you?

I don't think you truly know until you see some action. If he had asked you to help him get into a rehab etc.

Call the police if he gets violent....I have had to do this several times. Perhaps it will be a chance to sober up and change paths.

He needed an emotional rescue and you relented and gave it to him.Try not to beat yourself up. We learn by our mistakes and or mistakes are what helps us to get stronger for the next time.

Personally I would not let him back in. I would pack his belongings and put them outside with a note that his behavior is a deal breaker.

You can't save him, but you can rescue yourself.

You have the right to live in a drug free, chaos free environment.
Exercise your right and take back your sanity.

Hugs,
Passion

I'm so sorry you are going through this, my AH also used meth so I know the craziness you are going through. It's awful to see the man we loved with all our heart turn into a complete stranger, someone that is willing to say and do anything to get what they want.

Stay strong and do what you need to do to keep you and your family safe. Sending lots of prayers your way.

Hugs

Thx tx, passion & sara. I do want a drug free, chaos free life I really do. I need to stick to my guns. I can't believe how in 12-18months the damage that has been done. I'm hurt & angry

If he wanted help he can go into a long term program. There is help and many people willing to help him if he reached out for it.
My own AH is an iv heroin User. If the longterm program doesn't work...I don't know. I have had to kick him out numerous amounts of times.
I wish I had answers but I wouldn't be continuing him living here if he wasn't going away for help. During my AH last binge I joined this site. Thankfully he was arrested on possession and it gave me time away. Hes been home 6 weeks and has been noticeably high 3 times!!
Why do they not appreciate and know the value of what they have?? Why must they throw it all away??