tootsieroll24

Ok, so I'm new here, and not sure where to start, but I feel like coming here is my last resort, so please bare with my rants while I vent... My husband started using heroin about 6 months ago, after using roxies for sometime (not really sure how long). When I first met him, I had never even heard of the word "roxies". When I found out he smoked them, he assured me it was fine, since he only did it about once a week, if that. Fast forward 6 months, he's moved on to heroin, everyday. Of course we've had our arguments, and I've caught him lying plenty of times. I'll find dirty spoons, needles, empty baggies with white residue around the house and he still denies it, saying his friend must have left it there. Supposedly, he quit for good about 1-2 months ago. Well, it's funny how he locks the bathroom door everytime (once again), and there's black marks on our bathroom rug, his pupils very constricted all day, and he still denies it. Today, I found a small empty bag, with white residue, in the trashcan, after he was in the bathroom with the door locked and music turned up for awhile. I don't know what to do anymore, he continuously denies it, and says he doesn't know where any of the cotton/baggies/etc. come from. He makes me feel like I'm going insane. I want to believe him, but I don't. The hardest part is that my friends and family don't know, and frankly, I'm embarrassed for them to know. I just want this nightmare to be over!!!

allthatsgood

Tootsie, welcome to SR. I'm sorry for what you are going through right now with your husband. There are a lot of wonderful people here on this site who will share their experiences with you and let you know you are not alone. I have a 24 year old son who is addicted to heroin and have heard all the lies and excuses as well. Just remember you didn't cause his addiction nor can you control it. There is a lot of useful information in the stickies above. The most important thing right now is to take care of yourself.

needingabreak

HI Tootsieroll and welcome to the board. I am so sorry you have been going through such an awful time with your boyfriend and his using.
The first thing I am going to say is trust your gut!! Your gut will never lie (nor do the baggies and paraphernalia left around).
So let's break it right down to the nighty gritty-he is using and you know it and he knows it. He is lying constantly about it and refusing to admit it.
Have you asked him at all about getting help?
Do you want to stay in a relationship with someone who you do not trust?
Do you want to be with someone when they lie to your face and are doing something you know is very bad for them?
Are you able to move out and live somewhere else?

Have you ever gone to a nar anon meeting? I would highly suggest it. You will find face to face support there from people going through the exact same thing you are.

Others will be along here shortly to give you more advice although it might be a bit slower due to the holiday. Know that there are many people here who can sympathize with you and give you some great advice. Keep coming and posting. You will find the answers. Hugs to you.

tootsieroll24

Thanks--- well actually the house we're staying in is owned by my parents and we're renting from them. So if anything, HE'D be the one that'd have to go, especially if my parents found out... but making him leave is the last thing I want to do... but might be necessary. It's extremely stressful, seeing as how I'm trying to finish dental hygiene school (which takes A LOT of my time) with all this mess going on too.

needingabreak

I cannot imagine being in school full time and dealing with this as well as not feeling like you can confide in anyone. As you learn more and start to take care of yourself in all this, whatever decision you need to make will become clearer.

Ilovemysonjj

Hello Tootsie, I am a mother of a recovering heroin addict and the signs you mentioned all point to active using. Look also at your spoons and aluminum foil. If you find crumpled up foil with black lines, that is how they smoke it. I am sorry to say, that as the usage escalates, many heroin users move on to needles. Here in California they get the black tar heroin and it will stain everything including their clothes and looks like grease under their nails and their hands get stained. If you are finding cotton swab tops and or filters from cigarettes that were not smoked, you are looking at IV usage. All I can say is, it doesn't get better before it gets worse. If you don't detach and set boundaries, the usage will escalate and he will get bolder. Please read as much as you can here, there are many of us who have lived this nightmare. My son has been arrested and in jail 3 times and has two felonies from stealing from his own family.
Are there children? If so, this is even more important to get some peace for your family.
Sending you hugs and support, this is a horrible addiction.

tootsieroll24

Thank you Ilovemysonjj, we dont have any kids, thank God... that'd be so much harder. In Georgia they have the white rock looking heroin. I know he used to smoke it on foil, then started with needles. He finally admitted to using needles after many times of me finding things around the house. Then he went through withdrawals and stopped using for a few weeks, but I know he's using again... he's just also denying again. Of course he promised to never ever do it again. But obviously that's a broken promise... just not sure if I should try and work it out, or leave.

AnvilheadII

toots....you KNOW what you KNOW. you see what you see. santa didn't leave those baggies. you have someone using HEROIN in your home. shooting up. there is no reason why you can't demand that he leave and go do what he is going to do without it impacting your life. there is not TO work out when the addict is completely denying the facts, the physical leavings, the conduct. you didn't sign up for this.....right?

tootsieroll24

Yes, i know my gut is right... and this isn't what I signed up for, at all. I even told him the other day "if you don't wanna help yourself, why should I try to help you?". He surprisingly agreed to take an at home drug test the other day, so I was gonna buying one and have him do it randomly. Whatever happens with that, then I think I'll know what I have to do... it'll either prove to me that I'm insane (which i don't think so), or it'll prove to him and me that I was right all along, and I'm not insane, haha. Then we'll see what his reaction is. Is that a good plan??

AnvilheadII

the thing about drug testing addicts....even if all indications are that there ARE drugs in the system, the addict will deny deny deny. or claim false positive. or say oops, you caught me, but that is the last time............drug tests aren't the answer. you know the answer already.