Do You See Things Differently Now ?
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Do You See Things Differently Now ?
I was just wondering if other family members having dealt with addiction - now have a different level of perception in regards to drugs / suspicious behavior that looks like drug use…. NOT related to our loved ones, but just in everyday life?
My son has an ear infection and so we went by the pharmacy to pick up a prescription for him. While I was waiting there, a young man probably in his very early twenties looking a little out of place, with that slightly gaunt appearance (reminded me of my husband before rehab) went to the counter and asked to purchase syringes with needles. The pharmacist told him they changed their policy and now only sold them if there was a prescription for medication that required the use of needles (like diabetic meds). He then said it was for his grandpa and he was a diabetic. So she asked for his grandpa’s name and she would look it up. He then said he didn’t know if it was at this pharmacy or not, was polite but would not give her the name and asked if he could just get one. She told him she was sorry but no, and he was polite but immediately left. It seemed so obvious to me, but I don’t know if I would have even noticed a few years ago before addiction entered our family.
I was standing there with my two year old son. He was holding this little cat he found in the 75% off Christmas goods. You know one of those that you plug into music and he dances. He was so excited to go home with his cat. And I couldn’t help but think about this young man. Started getting scared for my son. The world is so big, and he is so little. What will it be like when he becomes a teen? I don’t necessarily like these new epiphanies about the world around me.
Last spring I remember waiting at a different pharmacy and an middle aged man who looked healthy enough was in line and became upset when the pharmacist told him his Vicodin could not be refilled for another 2 days. (one of my husbands old drugs). The man started to argue but she shut him down and told him to come back 2 days, he stomped off. Again I would not have noticed in years past or thought 'why so desperate'?
My husband says to look for the silver lining; maybe this new knowledge we both have gained will someday help our son, and maybe our going through this was meant to be in order to increase our awareness, teach/guide him. Glass half full mentality.
Just wanted a place to share these feelings I guess.
We got home and picked out some music for our new dancing cat. Thankfully he worked ! We all sang and danced to kids songs and Christmas tunes involving Santa and Rudolph. Very good therapy by the way....although I think our "real life cats" have some concerns over our mental health.... and dancing abilities.
My son has an ear infection and so we went by the pharmacy to pick up a prescription for him. While I was waiting there, a young man probably in his very early twenties looking a little out of place, with that slightly gaunt appearance (reminded me of my husband before rehab) went to the counter and asked to purchase syringes with needles. The pharmacist told him they changed their policy and now only sold them if there was a prescription for medication that required the use of needles (like diabetic meds). He then said it was for his grandpa and he was a diabetic. So she asked for his grandpa’s name and she would look it up. He then said he didn’t know if it was at this pharmacy or not, was polite but would not give her the name and asked if he could just get one. She told him she was sorry but no, and he was polite but immediately left. It seemed so obvious to me, but I don’t know if I would have even noticed a few years ago before addiction entered our family.
I was standing there with my two year old son. He was holding this little cat he found in the 75% off Christmas goods. You know one of those that you plug into music and he dances. He was so excited to go home with his cat. And I couldn’t help but think about this young man. Started getting scared for my son. The world is so big, and he is so little. What will it be like when he becomes a teen? I don’t necessarily like these new epiphanies about the world around me.
Last spring I remember waiting at a different pharmacy and an middle aged man who looked healthy enough was in line and became upset when the pharmacist told him his Vicodin could not be refilled for another 2 days. (one of my husbands old drugs). The man started to argue but she shut him down and told him to come back 2 days, he stomped off. Again I would not have noticed in years past or thought 'why so desperate'?
My husband says to look for the silver lining; maybe this new knowledge we both have gained will someday help our son, and maybe our going through this was meant to be in order to increase our awareness, teach/guide him. Glass half full mentality.
Just wanted a place to share these feelings I guess.
We got home and picked out some music for our new dancing cat. Thankfully he worked ! We all sang and danced to kids songs and Christmas tunes involving Santa and Rudolph. Very good therapy by the way....although I think our "real life cats" have some concerns over our mental health.... and dancing abilities.
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Yes....I see things very differently now. I don't judge parents who have adult children who are addicted. I know that even in the best of homes, with the most loving of parents, a beautiful little child can grow up and stick a needle in his arm.
I see someone who is homeless or obviously addicted and I don't immediately make assumptions about them, their circumstances, or their upbringing. I recognize that there is a very good chance that someone loves them very much....they are somebody's child, brother, father.....
I understand that love does not cure addiction.....and that addiction does not discriminate.
I look at people with compassion.....rather than with the judgmental stink eye.
Do I see things differently than I did as a young mother of a delightful little boy who had an addicted Daddy? Oh yes.......quite differently.
gentle hugs
ke
I see someone who is homeless or obviously addicted and I don't immediately make assumptions about them, their circumstances, or their upbringing. I recognize that there is a very good chance that someone loves them very much....they are somebody's child, brother, father.....
I understand that love does not cure addiction.....and that addiction does not discriminate.
I look at people with compassion.....rather than with the judgmental stink eye.
Do I see things differently than I did as a young mother of a delightful little boy who had an addicted Daddy? Oh yes.......quite differently.
gentle hugs
ke
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Join Date: May 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 13,560
O definitely. While waiting at WalMart the other day there was a man telling the pharmacist that his doctor will not prescribe anymore pain pills and he desperately needs them because of XXX. The pharmacist was very polite and of course told him he would have to take that up with the doctor. He then turned to me and started on why he needed them (various ailments....BS). I was looking at him really with disgust because it was so obvious and he was obviously a mess looking for a fix. I guess it just shocks me still. Here we are in this smaller town and have addicts begging the pharmacy for a fix. I feel bitter about it, sad about it, and quite disgusted. I don't feel much empathy and that is something I am trying to work on.
Dear God, please help me to see addiction as the illness it is. Help me to have empathy for others and not feel such bitterness. Please help the addicts of the world beat this mess they are in. Help keep our children safe and free of addiction. Amen.
Dear God, please help me to see addiction as the illness it is. Help me to have empathy for others and not feel such bitterness. Please help the addicts of the world beat this mess they are in. Help keep our children safe and free of addiction. Amen.
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Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 41
Great post Allforcnm. Addiction has changed the way I look at just about everything. I certainly identify with your experience with your young son and your fear of what could await him. When my children were that age, when thinking of their futures, I only considered what career path they would take, what college was best.
Now, I just want them to survive.
I read the crime stories in our paper differently also. When I read about a "crazy" burglar, you know, one who takes an insane chance for a small reward and is caught almost immediately. The first thing that I suspect is that he or she is a drug addict. I'm rarely wrong.
I hope the best for your young son.
Now, I just want them to survive.
I read the crime stories in our paper differently also. When I read about a "crazy" burglar, you know, one who takes an insane chance for a small reward and is caught almost immediately. The first thing that I suspect is that he or she is a drug addict. I'm rarely wrong.
I hope the best for your young son.
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Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 590
I'm not sure if I'm on topic but I get angry at our system in this country and our attitudes as a group.
I forget which country but somewhere in South America they view addiction differently. Their people see it for what it is, a medical condition, and treat it that way...for free I think. I realize that it still might help our addicts as they may not choose treatment but wow just to have the chance amazes me without breaking the bank of the families involved.
As far as addiction itself, I find that the people I have told and was afraid to tell have reacted very, very well. Some have even admitted there is also addiction in their family.
Kari
I forget which country but somewhere in South America they view addiction differently. Their people see it for what it is, a medical condition, and treat it that way...for free I think. I realize that it still might help our addicts as they may not choose treatment but wow just to have the chance amazes me without breaking the bank of the families involved.
As far as addiction itself, I find that the people I have told and was afraid to tell have reacted very, very well. Some have even admitted there is also addiction in their family.
Kari
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Join Date: May 2012
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Your post is very honest Kindeyes. For me it speaks a lot in regards to feelings centered on the stigma of addiction. It sounds like you have experienced a lot of change in perspective due to your journey with the AH/AXH, and AS. Thanks for sharing.
Originally Posted by Kindeyes 
Yes....I see things very differently now. I don't judge parents who have adult children who are addicted. I know that even in the best of homes, with the most loving of parents, a beautiful little child can grow up and stick a needle in his arm.
I see someone who is homeless or obviously addicted and I don't immediately make assumptions about them, their circumstances, or their upbringing. I recognize that there is a very good chance that someone loves them very much....they are somebody's child, brother, father.....
I understand that love does not cure addiction.....and that addiction does not discriminate.
I look at people with compassion.....rather than with the judgmental stink eye.
Do I see things differently than I did as a young mother of a delightful little boy who had an addicted Daddy? Oh yes.......quite differently.
gentle hugs
ke
I see someone who is homeless or obviously addicted and I don't immediately make assumptions about them, their circumstances, or their upbringing. I recognize that there is a very good chance that someone loves them very much....they are somebody's child, brother, father.....
I understand that love does not cure addiction.....and that addiction does not discriminate.
I look at people with compassion.....rather than with the judgmental stink eye.
Do I see things differently than I did as a young mother of a delightful little boy who had an addicted Daddy? Oh yes.......quite differently.
gentle hugs
ke
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 1,927
I think we have a right to get angry sometimes because we as family have seen the effects up close. Sometimes it's hard to see past the anger when it reminds us of our own pain. Plus, we know there is probably someone at his home begging God to make him stop using.
If you don't mind I will quote this prayer tonight. I think it's very appropriate for the beginning of the New Year.
If you don't mind I will quote this prayer tonight. I think it's very appropriate for the beginning of the New Year.
Originally Posted by hopeful4
O definitely. While waiting at WalMart the other day there was a man telling the pharmacist that his doctor will not prescribe anymore pain pills and he desperately needs them because of XXX. The pharmacist was very polite and of course told him he would have to take that up with the doctor. He then turned to me and started on why he needed them (various ailments....BS). I was looking at him really with disgust because it was so obvious and he was obviously a mess looking for a fix. I guess it just shocks me still. Here we are in this smaller town and have addicts begging the pharmacy for a fix. I feel bitter about it, sad about it, and quite disgusted. I don't feel much empathy and that is something I am trying to work on.
Dear God, please help me to see addiction as the illness it is. Help me to have empathy for others and not feel such bitterness. Please help the addicts of the world beat this mess they are in. Help keep our children safe and free of addiction. Amen.
Dear God, please help me to see addiction as the illness it is. Help me to have empathy for others and not feel such bitterness. Please help the addicts of the world beat this mess they are in. Help keep our children safe and free of addiction. Amen.
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Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 1,927
Originally Posted by KariSue
I'm not sure if I'm on topic but I get angry at our system in this country and our attitudes as a group.
I forget which country but somewhere in South America they view addiction differently. Their people see it for what it is, a medical condition, and treat it that way...for free I think. I realize that it still might help our addicts as they may not choose treatment but wow just to have the chance amazes me without breaking the bank of the families involved.
As far as addiction itself, I find that the people I have told and was afraid to tell have reacted very, very well. Some have even admitted there is also addiction in their family.
Kari
I forget which country but somewhere in South America they view addiction differently. Their people see it for what it is, a medical condition, and treat it that way...for free I think. I realize that it still might help our addicts as they may not choose treatment but wow just to have the chance amazes me without breaking the bank of the families involved.
As far as addiction itself, I find that the people I have told and was afraid to tell have reacted very, very well. Some have even admitted there is also addiction in their family.
Kari
I get it. I'm much more aware now of how we as society view addiction, concepts about addiction, treatments out there. I never thought about any of it Before my husbands addiction happened. Yes I agree as a country there are serious issues in how addiction has been handled. I think it is changing, and in fact Nora Volkow the director of the National Institute of Drug Abuse has talked freely about how in the USA we got off on the wrong track decades ago:
Throughout much of the last century, scientists studying drug abuse labored in the shadows of powerful myths and misconceptions about the nature of addiction. When science began to study addictive behavior in the 1930s, people addicted to drugs were thought to be morally flawed and lacking in willpower. Those views shaped society's responses to drug abuse, treating it as a moral failing rather than a health problem, which led to an emphasis on punitive rather than preventative and therapeutic actions. Today, thanks to science, our views and our responses to drug abuse have changed dramatically. Groundbreaking discoveries about the brain have revolutionized our understanding of drug addiction, enabling us to respond effectively to the problem. As a result of scientific research, we know that addiction is a disease that affects both brain and behavior. We have identified many of the biological and environmental factors and are beginning to search for the genetic variations that contribute to the development and progression of the disease….
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Originally Posted by AndreaB
Great post Allforcnm. Addiction has changed the way I look at just about everything. I certainly identify with your experience with your young son and your fear of what could await him. When my children were that age, when thinking of their futures, I only considered what career path they would take, what college was best.
Now, I just want them to survive.
I read the crime stories in our paper differently also. When I read about a "crazy" burglar, you know, one who takes an insane chance for a small reward and is caught almost immediately. The first thing that I suspect is that he or she is a drug addict. I'm rarely wrong.
I hope the best for your young son.
Now, I just want them to survive.
I read the crime stories in our paper differently also. When I read about a "crazy" burglar, you know, one who takes an insane chance for a small reward and is caught almost immediately. The first thing that I suspect is that he or she is a drug addict. I'm rarely wrong.
I hope the best for your young son.
Yes, the news... Even the little crime blotters in our local newspaper. They often have some of the weirdest things like copper being stolen, or a church being robbed of it's Give to the Poor box. And right or wrong I think who steals copper, or breaks into a church ? Who would be that desperate? Has got to be somehow related to drugs....And the church incident was found out to be a drug addicted man who got caught hitting up another church. Then its the realization drugs are all around us....so I think my awareness has just become greater, and like you I see more clearly a scary world my son will have to navigate.
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Join Date: Jan 2014
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I work for lawyers and in our office we have a criminal attorney. I don't work for or with him, but I know all of his.clients and they're mostly all on drugs, usually just coming from the methodone clinic. I definitely treat them differently now that I have a methodone patient at home. My husband! Only he diagnoses and prescribes it to himself.. I don't feel bad for these clients anymore and I just want them out. I deal with it at work and come home to it. I'm getting bitter. And I know I need out....
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Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: MI
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I definitely view addiction and drug addicts/alcoholics differently than I did before my experience with my heroin-addicted son. I am pretty active in the recovery community now, doing a lot of volunteer work in this area. I feel no bitterness or disgust towards addicts at all - in active addiction or not - although I do feel some anger at the misinformed, hostile, and cold conclusions of many whose lives have not been touched with this disease. This uninformed, negative view is what keeps addiction in the closet, so to speak - the stigma exacerbates the disease for many, making treatment and recovery less appealing and allowing the disease to thrive in the shadows.
I don't get angry when young addicts seeking recovery who I have befriended suddenly withdraw from me, or lie to me, or become increasingly unreliable. I know what's going on, and I know there is nothing I can do about it. They know I am there for them if they want to share, or want support for recovery. I don't take the lies and manipulations personally - I know they are symptoms of the disease. But I also know that active addiction is devastating to anyone in its path, so I back away and draw boundaries to protect myself, without anger or hostility. I have had enough experience now, and have read enough on these boards - especially those frequented by the addicts trying to recover - to know that it is HARD, and often when they say they want to recovery, they truly DO ... but then lose hold of it. And I know that the withdrawal and isolation, the lies, have a lot to do with shame. So I can forgive, understand, have compassion - but still protect myself, because I know being too close to active addiction means I will get burned.
And like others have said - I can spot an active addict now. Not all the time, but certainly more than before. I know what addiction looks like, and I know how amazingly PREVALENT it is. It is everywhere! I never knew before how many people in active addiction walk among us every day. I was oblivious. I don't lament my awareness of this, I don't long for the blissful ignorance that preceded my son's addiction. To the contrary, I want EVERYONE to know. Public awareness and understanding is key to stigma reduction, better treatment options, and accountability that makes it harder to relapse. In my opinion.
I don't get angry when young addicts seeking recovery who I have befriended suddenly withdraw from me, or lie to me, or become increasingly unreliable. I know what's going on, and I know there is nothing I can do about it. They know I am there for them if they want to share, or want support for recovery. I don't take the lies and manipulations personally - I know they are symptoms of the disease. But I also know that active addiction is devastating to anyone in its path, so I back away and draw boundaries to protect myself, without anger or hostility. I have had enough experience now, and have read enough on these boards - especially those frequented by the addicts trying to recover - to know that it is HARD, and often when they say they want to recovery, they truly DO ... but then lose hold of it. And I know that the withdrawal and isolation, the lies, have a lot to do with shame. So I can forgive, understand, have compassion - but still protect myself, because I know being too close to active addiction means I will get burned.
And like others have said - I can spot an active addict now. Not all the time, but certainly more than before. I know what addiction looks like, and I know how amazingly PREVALENT it is. It is everywhere! I never knew before how many people in active addiction walk among us every day. I was oblivious. I don't lament my awareness of this, I don't long for the blissful ignorance that preceded my son's addiction. To the contrary, I want EVERYONE to know. Public awareness and understanding is key to stigma reduction, better treatment options, and accountability that makes it harder to relapse. In my opinion.
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Originally Posted by tangerinepuddle
I definitely don't see spoons, cotton balls, q-tips or needles the same. I hope that changes and I can once again see them without thinking of "paraphernalia".
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Join Date: Aug 2010
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I feel I've lost my "innocence" and it makes me mad, sad, and discouraged.
I see parts of my town and know now that there is so much awfulness on those streets that I didn't know existed before. I see a young person with a backpack walking along and can't help but think they are like my daughter and her boyfriend. I see skin and bones, oozy sores, ratty clothes, matted hair, dirty fingernails, and automatically see a drug addict. I see pan-handlers as drug addicts - they may or may not be. I see the person cruising the grocery store parking lot asking for change as a drug addict...maybe, maybe not. I see the people at the Social Services building as I drive past and assume that 90% are trading their food cards for drugs...
I see it EVERYWHERE.
There is so much sin and sorrow that I didn't know lay right in my path. I see it now because my child plunged me into a knowledge of drug addiction that I never thought I'd have to face.
I see parts of my town and know now that there is so much awfulness on those streets that I didn't know existed before. I see a young person with a backpack walking along and can't help but think they are like my daughter and her boyfriend. I see skin and bones, oozy sores, ratty clothes, matted hair, dirty fingernails, and automatically see a drug addict. I see pan-handlers as drug addicts - they may or may not be. I see the person cruising the grocery store parking lot asking for change as a drug addict...maybe, maybe not. I see the people at the Social Services building as I drive past and assume that 90% are trading their food cards for drugs...
I see it EVERYWHERE.
There is so much sin and sorrow that I didn't know lay right in my path. I see it now because my child plunged me into a knowledge of drug addiction that I never thought I'd have to face.
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