allthatsgood

After about 17 months of recovery, my 24 yr old son relapsed back to his doc, heroin. He decided on his own and with the help of some AA buddies to go into detox exactly 2 weeks ago. He stayed for 3 days, came out and relapsed after 2 days. I'm trying to understand if he wasn't really ready to quit or if he needed more time in the detox. Despite his AA buddies telling him to get to a meeting as soon as he got out of detox, he did not. Does that say it all?

HopefulmomtoD

I just don't think we can understand how hard it is to recover from addiction. I'm so sorry- my son is almost one year sober and posts like these scare me to death.

allthatsgood

Hopeful I'm sorry my post scared you. It's not my intention to scare anyone.

AndreaB

Allthatsgood, this is our worst fear. My daughter has been clean for about 15 months and she almost relapsed a couple of months ago. The only reason that she didn't, was her boyfriend kept a close eye on her and she doesn't have access to a car.

She explained that she started having really bad cravings and it made her nuts because she thought that after a year they would stop. I understand that cravings can continue for years and that's what causes the relapse. The addict feels defeated after all of the work at staying sober and then he or she still craves their DOC. As my daughter said, what's the point of staying sober if after a year, you can still feel the same way that you did when you first quit.

Anyway, studying the brain physiology of addiction helps her a bit. But those cravings are a huge challenge.

I am so sorry that you are going through this. I am sorry for us all.

glitterdeva

My AH's sponsor has been sober for 24 years and he says that he still has HUGE cravings. The other day he was telling AH that this cloud has been hanging on him all day and he doesn't know why. He knows that he has to run to the meeting, talk to his sponsor, pray, mediate and be around AA people at that moment. AA kept him sober and sane all these years. Isolation can be deadly.

allthatsgood

Andrea and Glitter - only my son really knows the answer to why he chose to use. But from what I understand he thought he could drink. He also stopped going to meetings and working a program and let boredom set in. I can only pray he finds his way back to recovery and doesn't stop trying. 3 days in detox probably wasn't enough.

AndreaB

Yes, I think you are right. Three days of detox is not long enough. My daughter draws a distinction between "relapse" and "lapse." She says she had a couple of lapses prior to her 15 months of abstinence. She didn't consider her lapses the same as a relapse because she says that when she lapsed, she had no intention of continuing. She thought of it as part of a swan song for the drug. Whereas, the times she relapsed, she intended to use and use again.

With a lapse, she thought of it as a stage of weening off of the drug. I know that this is just a matter of semantics, but she swears that it boils down to a difference in attitude.

In any event, each lapse was shorter, and she had less and less tolerance for the destruction it caused her life.

This is such a miserable addiction and our children are so young. Sometimes I wish very bad things would happen to the drug manufacturers that marketed the legal opiates that created many people's initial addiction.

tootsieroll24

I agree with Andrea, I too wish something with happen with the legal opiates. I just wish they could create a pain killer that wasn't addictive. I mean, didn't they even think about the consequences of putting these drugs on the market anyways? Sometimes I wonder...

HopefulmomtoD

No worries. I just mean its a reminder of how frequent relapses happen. I need to remember that, but not dwell on it.

AnvilheadII

he wasn't ready or able to make the commitment to stay clean. 17 months or 17 years are not a guarantee that choosing to use again won't happen.
addicts are always exactly ONE bad decision away....that can keep one pretty humble and dedicated to doing whatever it takes to never use again, or it can lead to complacency....yeah, I've been good, a little couldn't hurt.

it is true that the harder we work our recovery, on a daily basis, the better resolved we are to stay clean. we reap the rewards of how and where we invest our time, talents and treasures. recovery takes passion, desire and intent. the beast always lurks. and we are no match.