gabriel01

After he lied to me & used after I celebrated his birthday, I didn't contact his for over a week. I talk to him briefly. He still lied to me in front of my face he didn't used & asked we should improve our relationship instead of making it worse. I did not answer that question because I could not believe him. So I let him get out of my car. The very following night, he called up his old "buddies" and drank & used again. I was angry. Because what a lier he is. I know damn well that I should not let his action to affect me & my emotion, but I lost control. I hate the fact he does not just lie to me, but some of his friends & family that think he is doing good on his sobriety, n he told people he is working to improve his life. But he is going downhill very fast in this month after he had the first drink with his brother a month ago. Especially he got kicked out from his parent, but his brother "recused" him. (His brother is a binge drinker every weekend) I did something crazy that I should not do n let his action & words affected me. I told all the truths on his Facebook and let all his good friends & family know what a horrible lier & addict he is. That post was on his Facebook for almost 24hrs, because he was hangover and didn't see that until very late. He deleted his Facebook after. I know it's kind of a revenge for me to him for lying to me for that long. I don't know why did I do that even my brain understand all these. I feel a bad, but also a little bit of release at the same time. He texted me after. He said he doesn't feel like his personal stuffs is others business (I agreed). He knows he mistreated me, Fxxxxx up his sobriety. Mistreated himself. He is going to try his best to get better and starts to see about going to meeting and reading like I do. (I will not take this serious). But I don't have to wait around for him to get improve. And told me don't do that again. (I won't) Coincidentally, his mother texted me yesterday and said she still has the Xmas present for me and my stuffs at their present and wonders if I still want to pick up the mattress he gave me. Then I told his mom what had happened to him in the past week & the money ($200 for birthday $ $500 for Xmas) she gave him, he used them on booze and cocaine and even offered to bought them to his friends too.

I dunno if I'm still in my codependent issue or it's just a revenge and angry.

EnglishGarden

All your behaviors do not much affect him, Gabriel, because he is in active addiction and addicts are emotionally numb.

But your behaviors do affect you, very much, and when you try to control, argue, expose, or hurt him--because you feel desperate, because you want to strike back--it hurts you. A lot. It creates guilt and shame in you, which adds to the hurt you already feel because he uses, lies, and exploits people, especially you.

He is a drug addict. And alcoholic. It is irrational to expect him to behave with any maturity and consistency. People who are addicts do not and cannot operate in a normal fashion. It is irrational to expect them to behave with integrity. Their brains are chaotic, their compulsions out of control.

The ONLY thing a person can do is back away. Mind one's own business, get to a safe place, and stay out of the way.

You are all bound up in him and it is squeezing the sanity and serenity out of you.

No matter how painful, you need to cut contact with him and find some healthy people to associate with. The problem right now is you. You can fix that problem. Concentrate on you. Get healthy. That is all you can control. In every moment, there is one right thing to do. Remember that, and do your best to take a breath, pause before acting, and ask yourself what is the most positive action you can take in that moment.

I'm sorry he has hurt you so badly. But from this point on, you have to fix you.

Katiekate

Gabriel, what English Garden has posted to you is the truth, maybe read it a coulple of times.

What I know from my experience is that the only behavior I can change is mine, the only path to my own serenity is to stop the behaviors that I know for sure do not help, and learn how to keep myself grounded, new behaviors, new outcome.

Take some time for you, time away from the noise of addcition, no contact is a good beginning, it takes time to come out of the fog and begin to see it for exactly what it is.

Wishing you peace in the new year, Katie

gabriel01

He called and texted me last night, here is what he said:

"Well I feel pretty bad today all day, know Ive been a pretty terrible boy friend and person over all..I just want to stop putting u through despair.
Hopefully one day soon ill be able to make things right and u could trust and forgive me because I dont have any desire to be with any other woman"

I know it's all manipulate, I told him I had friends over to my place tonight, so I won't spent the nye with him. And no surprise, he drinks and drugs tonight. I know tmr he will call me up for movie, I will simple just ignore the call.

gabriel01

Just deleted his contact