secondwind

I came here almost a year ago... Struggling to live with an Addict for over four years. I was close to moving forward but kept finding reasons to step back into the chaos.

I choose to leave SR for the last year.. i found the posts triggering me.

Not sure where i left off but a quick catch up...

Filed a protection order for violence against oldest son and drug abuse around all the kids in March. No contact ordered Visitation was allowed with youngest son as long as Addict was living with family. This gave peace until about september. I was able to established a strong connection with Addicts' sister.. and found the past few months have been a lie. Drug use they covered up...etc.

Since march i have been doing awesome. I no longer have to worry about bills being paid. Dont have to worry about drugs in my house. Don't have to worry about going to work or losing my job.

I had to grieve the loss of a relationship.. it wasn't as hard as i feared. I did date a little too much over the summer but got that out of my system quickly.

I am still putting my life back together. Working from the ground up. It feels good. All i have is what i worked for and want. I don't allow garbage in my front or back door anymore.

I found i needed to come back here. I have been reading for about 3 weeks and the posts dont trigger me anymore.

I needed to come back as i find myself being dragged back into the drama of the Addict. He is spiraling down and i find i am caring too much about it.

I do need some concern as we share a child .. but the concern is shifting from my son to the Addict. The want to control too much is surfacing.

Many of you offered words of hope and strength.

Belle Of The Ball in 2014

Ann

Welcome back, I'm glad that you have been able to turn your life around and take very good care of yourself. Recovery doesn't mean we stop caring and praying for those who still suffer, it means we recognize that nothing we do or don't do will change them if they don't want to change themselves. It means that we recognize triggers, as you did, and remember to take very good care of ourselves rather than rushing to try again to change what is not ours to change.

You are doing fine. Your child is better off without him than with a dad who is using and who cannot remain consistent in his visits and participation in the child's life. The emotional turmoil for the child can do some real damage along the way, I saw this with my own grandson who eventually was not allowed to see his dad because of the toll it was taking.

I hope this coming year will bring you healing and strength to continue moving forward in a life free from drugs.

Hugs

Kindeyes

Welcome back.....it sounds to me that you are doing well! That's great!

It's so easy to slip back into old behavior and thinking patterns. Keep taking care of you.

Hugs
ke

Twofish

Hi Secondwind, Your thread had given me some encouragement and support. I find it to be positive that you were able to stay above the water and not drown in the drama.
Welcome back and thank you. TF

secondwind

Thank you Ann and ke.

I am happy and proud of myself.

I look back on writings i did and see the destructive path i was on. I dont know how i lived like that for so long.

TF,
I have read through your story. My heart breaks when reading it.
I have a 15 year old son. I look back now and see how much of his life i missed out on because i was battling with the Addict in my house. My son deserved the best.. but i was wasting all i had on the Addict who didnt appreciate or deserve it.
The best thing i could of done for myself and my children is get the addict out of our house.
Take care...
Carrie

Belle Of The Ball in 2014