New e-mail from my AD...what to do????
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Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 1,099
Trudging my thoughts are with you as I am struggling with some of the same issues as you know, with my son. He is here now as a matter if fact. I am the couch of the week. Trying to not be the enabler, trying to be a good mom but not be manipulated. Enjoying his company ( it's been almost a year since I've seen him) knowing I will have to say no and avoid the FOG. I'm so glad I read about the FOG it's what I needed to read! Just wanted to send a hug your way and let you know you are not alone. Peace to you and stay strong!
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Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Los Angeles, CA
Posts: 1,443
Thanks, suncatcher....never thought my AD would be a couch surfer, homeless, broke, etc. etc. Deep down I know that I was a good mom....my girls had a much better childhood than mine, anyway...and really were pretty well-rounded (I think)....hard to understand how she can let herself get so very low....trying to remember that everyone has their own "bottom". Apparently she has not hit hers yet...so very hard to watch/hear about....
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Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: USA
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Trudging I know what you mean. I keep asking myself what could I have done differently? I was a good mom too maybe doing too much for the kids instead of not enough. It is hard to watch our kids go through the downward spiral of addiction. We want to yank them out and put them back together again but we can't. They have to find their way out of it themselves. Nice to have someone here that understands. Hopefully we will have a success story to tell others down the road.
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Location: Los Angeles, CA
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Doing "too much" has always been an area of dispute between my husband (not their father) and I....guess I always overcompensated for my own childhood...I sooooo want to "yank" her out of it and shake her and say, "What the heck are you DOING????" Ugh...but, I have actually said something close to that and have rescued her over and over again for years....nothing mattered, apparently....
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Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Indiana, IL
Posts: 424
It may be better that she doesn't have a car. Drug dealers could use her to transport drugs in exchange for a bag. Or sometimes the addict will loan their car to the dealer to do God knows what. My son did not have a car when he was released but ended up borrowing his friends and getting into mischief.
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Yes, Upset....I was just talking to a friend and my husband about her not having a car. A bit difficult to get around L.A......but, since she has no license/insurance AND her last arrest was for driving with a suspended license....if I DID "help" her, I would be setting her up to drive without a license, drive under the influence, drive to get drugs/sell drugs, etc....maybe end up killing someone or herself....I do not want any part of any of that....
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Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Indiana, IL
Posts: 424
Oh dear. Yes, I've heard Los Angeles is very spread out and public transportation is not as good. But I suppose that is a consequence of using. My son use to use his car as a unoffical and illegal taxi. He would pick people up from bus stops. Addicts can get very creative when they need money.
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Location: Los Angeles, CA
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Yes, indeed....getting around LA without a car is VERY difficult...but, she is very creative...I mean, really, it's been in impound since Dec. 3rd....so she has to be managing somehow....
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Join Date: May 2010
Location: USA
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I just want to say if your name is on the title of the car (?) you are putting yourself at risk liability wise. If she were to wreck the car and your name is on the title in this state you are on the hook as well as your assets. Just something to think about in how much you help with a vehicle.
Hugs.
Hugs.
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Yes, good point, Hopeful. Fortunately, ever since my kids bought their own vehicles...they have always been put in the name of the kids. My name isn't on it. I made that mistake only once, years ago, when I co-signed on an apt. lease while the AD was in college. She ended up in rehab that year and it was a nightmare getting out of the lease, having roommates move out, etc. etc. Never again....
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Join Date: Oct 2010
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Hi Trudginagain- She will manage on her own. When my AD used to ask me to bail her out of problems she caused as a result of her addiction, I learned to let her manage it. She rarely gives me grief anymore. While her life might not be stable, at least mine is.
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Good point, EJG....I am getting there....e-mailed her and told her that I will not give her any MORE money and that I will not respond to any e-mails with foul language in them. I did, remind her that she still has health insurance until her birthday (May) when she turns 26. I did suggest that she use it. I have not heard from her since.
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Originally Posted by trudgingagain 
Good point, EJG....I am getting there....e-mailed her and told her that I will not give her any MORE money and that I will not respond to any e-mails with foul language in them. I did, remind her that she still has health insurance until her birthday (May) when she turns 26. I did suggest that she use it. I have not heard from her since.
I say that's serious progress and a great way to start a new year. . . when she really gets nobody is going to fix it for her, she may choose to not create those situations anymore.
I wish that for your whole family.
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