New e-mail from my AD...what to do????
Member
Join Date: Dec 2013
Location: glen burnie md
Posts: 13
I too was paying hundreds of dollars to my AD in storage fees (she HAD a townhouse full of furniture) ..but then I wised up and instead of paying her, I opened a savings account and paid myself what I would have paid her...its awesome! It relieves my need to help in every way possible, she gets NONE of it... =)
We at SR should collectively scream "INCOMING!!" at Christmas time,
as if under mortar attack----It's when the addicted know their targets are
at their most vulnerable.
Take our advice.Sit this dance out.
Positive engagement/negative engagement.......both are merely
modifiers of the same sentiment (engagement).
No contact is like being 15 feet underground. You can still HEAR
the mortars hit, but all it does is make you hit the '10sec rewind
button' while you're watching "Orange is the new black" (only if
the plot dialogue is at a particularly important point).
NC........try it, you'll like it.
as if under mortar attack----It's when the addicted know their targets are
at their most vulnerable.
Take our advice.Sit this dance out.
Positive engagement/negative engagement.......both are merely
modifiers of the same sentiment (engagement).
No contact is like being 15 feet underground. You can still HEAR
the mortars hit, but all it does is make you hit the '10sec rewind
button' while you're watching "Orange is the new black" (only if
the plot dialogue is at a particularly important point).
NC........try it, you'll like it.
Hahaha, Vale....great analogy! And...so far so good....I did not respond yesterday and do not intend to respond today....I DO truly feel as if I am under attack! Great idea, MD...I am planning our first trip to Europe...although both of my girls have been..we have not yet....so maybe I will put the $$$ towards that and my energies towards us right now....breathe in....breathe out....whew!
Trudging, so sorry, it looks like you are not sleeping... it is awful to look at Christmas day from a position of angst like you have.
I have no words of wisdom, just a lot of sympathy. I hope you can detach and enjoy this day with what is right in your life. Very best wishes for you.
I have no words of wisdom, just a lot of sympathy. I hope you can detach and enjoy this day with what is right in your life. Very best wishes for you.
Not sleeping much these days, Pamel....been getting up around 3-4am here....but, it does allow for some "quiet time" for me....have to be careful, though...gotta keep out of my own head sometimes...Thanks for your wishes...I do think that Xmas Eve was the toughest part....today should be better....and I AM going to try to enjoy what is RIGHT with my life....just for today....
That email could have (and probably will be) written by my own AD. Everyone is right; please try to ignore and not let yourself be manipulated and feel the guilt. Having been in your situation, I can tell you that I regret every instance of which I responded to. It is a no win proposition.
I hope that you are able to enjoy the holiday in some way. You are definitely not alone in this. ((hugs))
I hope that you are able to enjoy the holiday in some way. You are definitely not alone in this. ((hugs))
So far so good....NI....I have not responded and am trying to stay off of the "crazy train"....trying not to re-read e-mails, "figure it out", find out, etc. etc. Hoping today will be a better day....no e-mails so far...but, I am not holding my breath. I am sure that she will contact me in the next few days AGAIN, since her car is due to be released (and probably auctioned) on Jan. 3rd.
Trudgingagain------you rock!!!
NC is one of those things that NEVER disappoints!
( the crazy train, on the other hand, is ALWAYS
a disappointment. Not to mention boring. It always
goes to the same place.......crazyland.....whose
3 letter location identifier is........SUX.)
NC is one of those things that NEVER disappoints!
( the crazy train, on the other hand, is ALWAYS
a disappointment. Not to mention boring. It always
goes to the same place.......crazyland.....whose
3 letter location identifier is........SUX.)
Well, KK...actually, I guess the problem also is...that the car kinda does mean something to me....shoot, I've probably paid for half of it....and to have "nothing" after years of payments....makes me nuts....Of course, SHE means the world to me....and I wish I knew what the next "right" thing is....one foot in front of the other right now....
I find that I often know what "the next right thing" should have been........lol.
Actually, when I examine something (ain't 20/20 hindsight grand) I can usually spot a pivotal moment that I "lost control" of my own situation and turned it over to someone else. I used to blame the other person for the way that things turn out.....but now I can look at my part.
Usually the pivotal moment involves the word "no".....but instead of using it.....I say "yes". And it doesn't turn out like I wanted it to......and I realize I said "yes" only because I was afraid of what would happen if I said "no".
When I said "no" to getting my son's car out of impound and it was auctioned off, I was afraid....very very afraid. My son spiraled quickly.......it was hard to watch......but he eventually wound up in a six month program with The Salvation Army.....which he successfully completed. I know that even though he relapsed and he's struggling with sobriety, he received great counseling and some great tools in that program. I saw him today. He looked good and it was a pleasure to see him and his girlfriend. No drama. I'm letting him and his HP handle his life.
Each of us get to decide without care about the judgement of others what the next right thing is for us......but when I make a decision now......I accept the outcome and my part in it.
I hope you make the right decision for you.....whatever that might be.
gentle hugs
ke
Actually, when I examine something (ain't 20/20 hindsight grand) I can usually spot a pivotal moment that I "lost control" of my own situation and turned it over to someone else. I used to blame the other person for the way that things turn out.....but now I can look at my part.
Usually the pivotal moment involves the word "no".....but instead of using it.....I say "yes". And it doesn't turn out like I wanted it to......and I realize I said "yes" only because I was afraid of what would happen if I said "no".
When I said "no" to getting my son's car out of impound and it was auctioned off, I was afraid....very very afraid. My son spiraled quickly.......it was hard to watch......but he eventually wound up in a six month program with The Salvation Army.....which he successfully completed. I know that even though he relapsed and he's struggling with sobriety, he received great counseling and some great tools in that program. I saw him today. He looked good and it was a pleasure to see him and his girlfriend. No drama. I'm letting him and his HP handle his life.
Each of us get to decide without care about the judgement of others what the next right thing is for us......but when I make a decision now......I accept the outcome and my part in it.
I hope you make the right decision for you.....whatever that might be.
gentle hugs
ke
Thanks, again, for your wise words and insight KE....yes, fear of what will happen when I say no...or don't answer at all is there...and very scary. What will happen to her? Trying to take a step back and acknowledge that I have done everything that I can....now it is up to her....tough spot for me right now....
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Indiana, IL
Posts: 424
Seeing as you already invested so much money in the car, I would pay for it. Sometimes the impound fines and fees are more expensive than the car itself. Just tell her it's the last time you are helping and maybe try to get your name on the title.
..tough spot for me right now....
Seeing as you already invested so much money in the car, I would pay for it. Sometimes the impound fines and fees are more expensive than the car itself. Just tell her it's the last time you are helping and maybe try to get your name on the title.
And I don't know about others here....but I've had my name on the title of the car of an active addict......it landed me in court defending myself!!! That wasn't fun.
gentle hugs
ke
I put FAR more gas in her worn out little (sh*tbox)
Corolla than that miserable thing was worth......that
DID NOT prevent her from texting me (after it got
predictably impounded for no smog/non-registerable)
with a veritable demand....."Vale, I NEED my F-ing car"
Actually, I was grateful...... it was the same week I
went NC ----- a valuable catalyst to FINALLY seeing
(for real) was a total loser this interface was....emotionally,
financially.........why delineate?......IN EVERY WAY.
It still amazes me how ENTITLED they feel to everything that
the rest of us work HARD for.
Corolla than that miserable thing was worth......that
DID NOT prevent her from texting me (after it got
predictably impounded for no smog/non-registerable)
with a veritable demand....."Vale, I NEED my F-ing car"
Actually, I was grateful...... it was the same week I
went NC ----- a valuable catalyst to FINALLY seeing
(for real) was a total loser this interface was....emotionally,
financially.........why delineate?......IN EVERY WAY.
It still amazes me how ENTITLED they feel to everything that
the rest of us work HARD for.
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