Tempered Joy, but Joy nonetheless
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 793
Tempered Joy, but Joy nonetheless
Tomorrow we leave to travel quite a distance to spend Christmas with my family and my RAD (twenty, former heroin user). I want to update those of you who've followed my recovery.
Some weeks ago, my RAD and her RABF left the shaky situation they were in and got a ride to my sister's house, where we are going for the holiday. After a week there and two weeks away in a nearby city, they returned to her place--ready to be "safe" as they called it. Through many amazing coincidences (HP clearly involved!), and lots of help from my sister, brother-in-law and my parents, they now both have jobs, she has her learner's permit, and they are thriving! In a few weeks, they will move to a small city nearby where her BF has a good job in his line of work, found as a result of a serendipitous connection with an NA sponsor who answered the helpline when I called...
None of this has happened without a lot of loving detachment, some tears, and my steady NarAnon/SR reminders to my family as they navigated this experience. My sister sent a picture of my daughter to me recently and I cried when I saw it--she is glowing and present, in her body, smiling.
I know from experience that things may slide, that they might struggle and relapse, and things may devolve again, but right now I am feeling true joy in my heart. I am focusing on being grateful and loving every second.
My heart goes out to all of us this time of year as we struggle our way through with our own issues and those of our beloved addicts. Thanks, SR friends, for all your support this past year!
Some weeks ago, my RAD and her RABF left the shaky situation they were in and got a ride to my sister's house, where we are going for the holiday. After a week there and two weeks away in a nearby city, they returned to her place--ready to be "safe" as they called it. Through many amazing coincidences (HP clearly involved!), and lots of help from my sister, brother-in-law and my parents, they now both have jobs, she has her learner's permit, and they are thriving! In a few weeks, they will move to a small city nearby where her BF has a good job in his line of work, found as a result of a serendipitous connection with an NA sponsor who answered the helpline when I called...
None of this has happened without a lot of loving detachment, some tears, and my steady NarAnon/SR reminders to my family as they navigated this experience. My sister sent a picture of my daughter to me recently and I cried when I saw it--she is glowing and present, in her body, smiling.
I know from experience that things may slide, that they might struggle and relapse, and things may devolve again, but right now I am feeling true joy in my heart. I am focusing on being grateful and loving every second.
My heart goes out to all of us this time of year as we struggle our way through with our own issues and those of our beloved addicts. Thanks, SR friends, for all your support this past year!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: The Jungle
Posts: 5,435
I understand so well the guarded optimism. I pray that they continue on this positive path and that all of you will enjoy being together on Christmas.
Thoughts and prayers with you and your family.
gentle hugs
ke
Thoughts and prayers with you and your family.
gentle hugs
ke
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 793
Devastated.
The last night we were with my family, my AD blurted out that she's pregnant. 6 weeks. She waited and only told me because her 16 yo sister insisted...I just collapsed inside. Tears, no freaking out, just devastated. We left the next morning. She and her ABF have used again and admitted it to my sister, after being disappointed that I wasn't HAPPY for them, and where they are allowed to stay for ten more days. I suggested they come back to our city where there are more resources and got the "I don't have a home there" line, and a great hook about how I didn't let her live at home after rehab...I am so incredibly sad. I don't want a grandbaby who is the child of two addicts, one of whom has children he doesn't take care of. My eyes burn from spontaneous crying the whole drive home.
More will be revealed.
The last night we were with my family, my AD blurted out that she's pregnant. 6 weeks. She waited and only told me because her 16 yo sister insisted...I just collapsed inside. Tears, no freaking out, just devastated. We left the next morning. She and her ABF have used again and admitted it to my sister, after being disappointed that I wasn't HAPPY for them, and where they are allowed to stay for ten more days. I suggested they come back to our city where there are more resources and got the "I don't have a home there" line, and a great hook about how I didn't let her live at home after rehab...I am so incredibly sad. I don't want a grandbaby who is the child of two addicts, one of whom has children he doesn't take care of. My eyes burn from spontaneous crying the whole drive home.
More will be revealed.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: TX
Posts: 731
Such a great post to begin.....but still hopeful. They aren't ready but pray they soon are....a child is now involved.
I have my fears...all along w my AD and Now RAD. A child adds so much more....
Prayers on your way.
I have my fears...all along w my AD and Now RAD. A child adds so much more....
Prayers on your way.
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 13,560
One thing that is so hard for all of us is not fearing the future. Enjoy their growth and health in this very moment, and yours too. You cannot change what tomorrow will bring, all you can do is pray. Do not let every joyful moment pass by out of fear.
Good for them and good for you!
Happy New Year!
Good for them and good for you!
Happy New Year!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: The Jungle
Posts: 5,435
I understand the heartbreak of relapse but that is not the end of their story....or yours.
Keep taking care of you and know that there are a whole lot of Mamas out here praying for you and your family.
gentle hugs
ke
Keep taking care of you and know that there are a whole lot of Mamas out here praying for you and your family.
gentle hugs
ke
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 13,560
O dear...I must have missed the clincher. I am sorry. If she continues to use, I will say that you can tip off the hospital and they will test the baby at birth in the hospital. If the baby is positive they will not get to take the baby with them.
I am so sorry. This is out of your control. Do not let her manipulate you into thinking this is your fault because you did not let her come home after rehab. You have to maintain your boundaries, that is always the right thing to do. Addicts never ever want to accept any responsibility, it is who they have become.
Hugs and peace to you.
I am so sorry. This is out of your control. Do not let her manipulate you into thinking this is your fault because you did not let her come home after rehab. You have to maintain your boundaries, that is always the right thing to do. Addicts never ever want to accept any responsibility, it is who they have become.
Hugs and peace to you.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2013
Location: MD
Posts: 5
GardenMama, I am broken hearted for you. I know the feeling of disappointment after you see steps in the right direction. Give it over to your HP, this is the place you will find peace. Be grateful for that fleeting time of your AD being clean and know that recovery can be a process of relapses as well. Will be thinking of you and your family in the coming days.
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
GardenMama, just keep them in your prayers and leave the rest to God.
We never know how this will all unfold, and it may end up being a blessing for all of you. Whatever happens, we're walking with you and handing out lots of hugs...and cheesecake...and prayers.
Hugs
We never know how this will all unfold, and it may end up being a blessing for all of you. Whatever happens, we're walking with you and handing out lots of hugs...and cheesecake...and prayers.
Hugs
Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Somewhere out there
Posts: 2,249
Gardenmama saying prayers for you and your family. You never know what the future holds. I know how heart broken and scared you must feel but give it over to God. Sometimes what looms like something bad can turn into a blessing.Maybe this baby is what will keep her pursuing a path to recovery. Hugs to you.
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