Called me a Pig!
 

Hi Everyone....

I came here some years back because of my now exah, we had 2 boys at that time where 10 /12. Through out the years as the boys grew I have had some real ups and downs with them, they are now 21 and 23. Both boys involved with drugs and alchol pretty severe. My oldest has been living with me for the last couple years and it has been rough if it wasnt bad enough. He is clean for the last 6 months, but now is obsessed with order in the house, neat , tidy, clean. I didnt do the dinner dishes the other evening and went to work the next morning, the minute I opened door when I got home he was on me that his friend stopped by and he was embarrassed because dishes were not done...this is just some of it going on but I am feeling so sad inside that I really dont feel the interest in my home and want him out! I am feeling angry with him and dont even want to conersate with him, the air is thick here. We were in Vancouver walking along and I was slowing down just browsing in store windows and he says he gets frustrated with me feels like I am a kid that he needs to grab me by the hand. This morning I was up early having coffee he comes out of his room chit chatty but I just dont have the jolly in me, he says are you mad at me and that was it I exploed...that when he told me I am a Pig and am I not embarrassed to hear that...! I said no, not coming from you!

Maybe its time you both discuss him moving on....it sounds like its time. Give him a time frame.

First of all, are his arms broke? Is there any reason why HE can't wash the dishes?? Secondly, I agree with TXhelp...sounds like it's time for him to get a place of his own and he can be as anal as he wants with it.

When he has his own place, works for it and pay the rent then he can keep it as clean or messy as he wants. In the interim, he lives at your place, your space, your rules.
It would be really nice of him to contribute and clean while you are at work btw. that's the least he could do considering you are giving him board.
Calling his mom a pig under her own roof is beyond disrespectful. I'd tell him to get his own place (with a time frame like TX said).

There's a hole in the wall called the door. Look at him, point at it, and ask him calmly if he'd like to walk through it.

ZoSo

People can get obsessed with maintaining neatness/cleanliness/order in response to feeling that other aspects of their lives are out of control. Nonetheless, it is his problem and he should leave if he doesn't like it.

Isn't it amazing how someone who essentially is a guest in your home can lose their manners.....and think it's ok......

Let's face it. Once a person turns 18....they are a guest in their parent's home. They no longer really "live" there and a parent is no longer (legally or otherwise) required to provide housing for them. The burden of being accommodating to the "house rules" lies with them......not with the owner of the home.

Say what you mean (set your boundaries), mean what you say (those boundaries are NOT negotiable) and don't say it mean.

gentle hugs
ke

Rose, I have to agree with the others here, it's time for him to leave.

Name calling and belittling isn't okay. Taking responsibility as a family member means doing dishes and cleaning and laundry and to ignore responsible chores isn't okay.

You are a terrific person, Rose, and you have given him lots of chances. Now give him the chance to find his own place and leave you the peace of your own home.

I will come visit with cheesecake and we can throw out the paper plates and not even make a mess. :D

Name calling? His own mother? No way. Tell him to take care of these things, after he sorts himself out with his ******** ways of speaking to you.
How dare he? HOW DARE HE?
I'm sorry...no, I am NOT. I'd slap his face off.

Yes I did give him the time frame to get out ...End of Feb, as well I am putting my place for sale and I have found a lovely mobile home for me and my dogs. I have been looking but I havent mentioned a word as it would be a negative feed back. I have really taken an interest in photography, my friend at work and her husband are into it, he was up grading his camera and selling his old one that would have been perfect for me to learn on, he printed all the specs out for me about the camera and I had them laying on the kitchen table, my son sees it and said it looks like a piece of garbage, trying to figure out why he would say something like this, he knows nothing about cameras, I talked to my friend and her daughter about what he said and we came to the conclusion that there must be planning on getting me a camera for Christmas so I let the camera go and they sold it 2 days later. I know now there was never any plan he was jut being an opinionated jerk!

Rose

He sounds like an ungrateful assh*le that needs a good dose of reality OUT on his own.

If you do find another camera, go into the woods and just sit there. You will find so much peace and joy just watching God's back yard come to life. It's a beautiful place to be.

He is deliberately putting you down and making comments to belittle you, Rose. It is a form of bullying or emotional abuse This all says more about him than you. You are not the problem here...but you hold the solution.

Throw the bum out. Never thought I'd say that here, but your son needs to learn about respect for his mother and that's a good start.

Love you lots, whatever you decide to do we're walking together, Rose, and never underestimate the power of the steel toed bunny slippers....I could give him a good shinning if he gets too close. :tongue:

Rose, I'm so sorry to hear that you are enduring such sad disrespect from your own son. You sure do deserve to be treated respectfully. I hope that you know that. NOBODY ever has the right to call you demeaning names. I hope that you won't let him treat you like that anymore. It's so hard, but he is a grown man & really can take care of himself if he really wants to. It's really his responsibility now, not yours. It was so hard for me to learn this, but I finally did. I told my son that he could live his life however he chose, but I didn't want to live my life in that way anymore.
((((Supportive Hugs))))