mset68

My boyfriend of 9 months who I am still in love with entered recovery for crystal meth addiction the day after Thanksgiving. He proceeded to push me a way, pull me back, push me away again, we argued, he broke up with me.

I am devastated. Been going to Al-Anon meetings. I'm facing up to the fact that he's gone and maybe I'm better off without him. But I miss him, our life, our two little dogs, our connection, the laughs, the sex.

We were going to meet yesterday, but he said he was going to print out all of my recent emails and bring them so he could show me why he doesn't want to be in a relationship with someone like me. He's referring to angry things I've said. I forgave him for his cheating, meth use, lying. exposing me to STDs, but he is using my anger as the excuse to break up. I decided (after urged by my friends and Al-Anon buddies) to NOT see him, and he sent me an email saying it was typical of how I acted in our relationship.

I am trying hard to not contact him, and it is very difficult. We were very close and very connected through texts, phone, etc.

I'm having a hard time. Despite all, I really miss him.

Thanks for any advice

Mark

Lifewillgetbet

This is just my opinion but it is how I see it.

First. You said it yourself, but you still want to be with someone that has cheated, is a meth addict, lies and exposed you to STD? Wow. You are very forgiving. Any 1 of those would have been a deal breaker for me.

I recently went through a breakup as well. We split to focus on our recoveries however I am also a firm believer that "No Contact" is not for everyone. For me, I dont think I will ever get back together with my ex but we still chat all the time. We are very mature about it. Our relationship is actually better then when we were dating for 4 months. I made a promise that I will always be there for her if she needs someone to talk to, and I will never break that promise. I love her as a person, friend, someone I can trust.

In my opinion intense feelings dont happen over night, therefore, they dont go away over night. Just talk on the phone, don't fight - he is in recovery and us recovering addicts are way over-emotional and over-sensitive. Who knows, think positively you may end up back together, but don't set your heart up for failure. Keep trucking along with your life.
All the best.

lizwig

Hi Mark, I'm glad you found this site. It's a great resource for support. Dealing with addiction in our loved ones has made all of us do things that aren't in our own best interests. Read the stickies at the top of this forum and spend some time really thinking about whether or not you want to be with someone who wants to blame you for everything. It doesn't sound like he wants to take any responsibility for his choices. There is a huge difference between being clean and being in recovery. Without true recovery some of the underlying behaviors still exist....the manipulation, the gas lighting, the blame game. Someone in true RECOVERY examines their role in things with more scrutiny. I would suggest you take a small step backwards....watch how he participates in his recovery from afar. Watch actions vs. words and keep yourself and your feelings, your self-esteem and your personal boundaries as your number one priority. I understand you really miss him, I really miss my son as well. What I don't miss is the blaming, the irrational conversations, the chaotic calls insinuating I need to fix something for him...there needs to be a balance. When one person takes, takes, takes the other is left feeling quite empty. Sending you strength today....

mset68

both of you, thank you very much